Tag Archives: toys

Products no one needs.


I know we’ve all become lazy housebound sods who can’t be bothered to put on pants during the pandemic, but this?



This is a bridge too far.

The day I’m too lazy to stir my own pan you have permission to slit my throat, fill it with kale and put me out of my misery.

And while I’m all for cocktails?




I have absolutely no intention of sharing my margaritas with llamas.


Not happening.




Oh, yeah.

Kitty Hitler looks positively thrilled.




Let’s ponder this for a moment.

Someone thought about, invented, pitched, found investment capital and marketed….. a hammock for fish.

Is this a great country or what!

And finally…. when your dog no longer needs his collar of shame?




You can re-purpose it in the kitchen.

You’re welcome.

Because some things are strange enough for a second look.


This popped up in my Facebook memories today and since I wasn’t blogging here 5 years ago?

I have to share.



As seen in Goodwill, a rubber chicken.



It was a dog toy, but a more wrong rubber chicken you’re not apt to find.

I suppose you could say they were singing…. but I’m afraid my mind went elsewhere.

And for a further chuckle?

Read the detailed description that came with them.

I dare you not to laugh.

“This rubber chicken is not any ordinary chicken, when you squeeze him he makes a loud screaming sound, it can help you relaxing your pressure and bringing you good mood. This squeaky rubber chicken will make a comical addition to your dog’s toy chest! Screaming sound when you squeeze it “Squeeze me when you are happy. I will make you and your friend laugh” “Squeeze me when you are not happy. I will help you relax” “My shrilling scream will let you have unexpected fun and entertainment, relax and release stress.” Once you have this funny scream chicken you can lose your press and became more smooth.”


So go on….. squeeze your chicken.

Hear him scream.


Ya gotta love ’em….


Cheap knock offs.

We’ve all seen them, we’ve all cringed.

Here are some that might make you laugh as well.




Clearly these are Thin Mints fatter cousins.




Arm and Hatchet…

When you’re really serious about getting rid of refrigerator odors.




Big Fella?

Come on…. it’s like they’re not even trying.




Nut Master!

I can’t even….   🤣 🤣 🤣




For those days when your hamburger needs more than a helper.





But my mind went to a bad place with this one.




I’m going out on a limb here and guessing this wasn’t made in Massachusetts.

And finally, from Wal Mart….. the king of knock offs.




Because no one could be bothered to think up a real name for it.

Abby Aldrich Rockefeller Folk Art Museum.


This was what I’d come to see.




And with a nod to Abe, we entered.




By definition:

Day 12…. otherwise known as Christmas.


So we got up bright and early to make the almost 5 hour drive down to North Carolina.



                                                         Required Christmas selfie.




And as we were walking down the sidewalk of our resort it struck me…..




I might not be the only one who cursed my husband’s choice of the behemoth rental car.

It was an uneventful trip.




But we saw lots of cotton.




Really, a whole lot of cotton.




And absolutely nothing else. Nothing for miles and miles… except cotton… and I was starting to sweat the steadily dropping level of gasoline.

Behemoths be thirsty.

I also took issue with Apple maps when the GPS put us in the middle of a National Forest and told us to turn around.





When the rental beast was pretty much running on fumes, we finally found a service station to fill it…. and us, since we skipped breakfast. The only choice was Subway, where I ordered a rotisserie chicken wrap and managed to leak half of the sauce on my blouse resulting in a large greasy stain.

My first words upon arrival in N.C. weren’t “Merry Christmas!”  but….. “Let me raid your closet.”




My second words were “What you would like to drink?”  as I unpacked my carton of holiday cheer.

Destiny chose a bottle to match her sweater, because coordination is everything.




We gave them our gifts…. and Gracie liked the books.




Though I think she liked the pig a little bit more.




We spent time with our daughter of the heart’s step children, John being home on leave from the Army.




As you can see they aren’t young enough to be hers…. because like me, she married an older man. Which her mother thinks I’m responsible for and never lets me forget, but hey.

It worked for me.




An old Marine Corps buddy of the husband’s came with us….  and it was a laid back country Christmas with lots of love and laughter.

A few highlights:




My bartending skills were highly rated.




And strange toys were questioned.

Does a llama really need to shake her booty?

But more importantly, why was this horror voted toy of the year in Australia?

Watch  the bizarre commercial that looks like a Saturday Night Live skit  and decide for yourself.




Numerous pictures were taken.




Some with prominently placed bows. (These may have been alcohol induced)




Rick posed with his namesake shirt.




Dogs with serious underbites begged for treats from a wonderful brown sugar glazed  ham dinner I completely devoured and forgot to photograph.

Sorry Martin.

Blame the carton of alcohol, not me.




Animated discussions of politics took place….. (Which might also have been alcohol induced)




But my husband smiled wider and laughed more than he has in a while, and that made my heart full.


Then before we were ready, it was time to say goodbye.

Hugs and tears….





And we were back on the road.

For the longest almost 5 hour trip ever.




The only bright spot?




This house…




That gave new meaning to the term holiday decorating.




Truly an extravaganza.








Mariners’ Museum 5…. toys, a submarine, weapons, an Enigma and a 3D coral reef.


I realize this is the 5th post of our trip to the museum, but fear not…. it will also be the last.



Oh, stop being so dramatic and admit you learned something. Even if it was just how to use seashell toilet paper.

We’d spent all day roaming these halls and closing time was approaching before we were even a quarter of the way through.

So we literally trotted from exhibit to exhibit.




Vintage naval toys?








The hull of the Oracle that won the 33rd America’s Cup in 2010?




A ginormous check!




Submarine cutout?




Got it.




WWII memorabilia?




Yup. Tons…




They even had an Enigma!

How cool is that?




If you haven’t seen The Imitation Game about the life of Alan Turing, the man who broke the unbreakable code and then tragically took his own life… with an apple?

You should.




Teddy Roosevelt was there…




As was this precious little sword wielding cherub.




Because yeah…. what could go wrong with that?



There was too much to see…




And too little time.




Look… interesting, not to mention decorative, ways to kill people!




And I didn’t have a chance to read all the details.




And that.

What was that?

I don’t know!

Because the husband was bound and determined to watch the 3D movie about the coral reef before they closed. So we ran to the theater, put on our plastic glasses and found a good spot to watch and take pictures.




Until this woman moved seats and put her head in front of my lens.

Rude. Very rude.




The Great Barrier coral reef?





The Great Barrier coral reef in 3D after I moved away from the back of that woman’s head?








It looked like all these little things were reaching out for you….




And I swear the husband jumped a foot when he thought this fellow was right beside him.




Beautiful. No two ways about it.

So that was it.

We spent 8 full hours in the museum that day….




And were too tired to go out to eat.

Oh, stop screaming.

We got Chinese take out and went back to the condo.




The absolute worst Chinese takeout I think I’ve ever had… but there.

Still a food picture.

Product Hell.


Have you ever walked through a store and spotted products that make you do a double take?

I do it quite often and always stop to take pictures to rant/blog/post about later.

Here are a few of my latest finds:




Pickle In A Pouch.

Unrefrigerated and languishing for God knows how long by the cash register?

That’s just wrong.




But Big Papa anthropomorphized Pickle…

The Portly Pickle who’s arms are open wide and ready to wrap you in his pickley goodness??

So very, very wrong.



Then… there was this:




A remote control Tom Brady helicopter.

Maybe Bill Belichick will use these to spy on opposing teams from now on,  who knows.

But I have to admit…




I think they got Tom’s shade of lipstick just right.



And finally, there was this wireless keyboard and mouse I ordered from Amazon for the husband.




Which looked great until we opened it and found it didn’t include a dongle. I went back to the Amazon listing and it said “Just plug and play”, so where the hell was it?

Let’s check the instructions.









Shame my Japanese is a little rusty.




P.S.   The dongle?

Hidden in a compartment on the back of the mouse.

It’s always the last place you look.




You’re never too old to learn….. LEGOS.


Next up in my continuing series on  the absolutely crazy things people will pay money for  Maine Adult Education is…. LEGOS.


Those annoying little plastic toy pieces we’ve all stepped on and paid the price.



And while there have been some other ridiculous classes…


You’re never too old to learn…. Spoons.

You’re never to old to learn…. Potatoes.

You’re never too old to learn…. Ukulele

You’re never too old to learn…. Chakra Toning.

You’re never too old to learn…. Mindfulness.

You’re never to old to learn…. Tin Cans.

You’re never too old to learn…. Knotweed Flutes.

You’re never too old to learn… Succulent Picture Frame.


This one, and it’s  how the hell can we make this nonsense sound like a legitimate college course  description really made me laugh.




Oh, it’s a facilitated process?  Well, that explains everything.

And they use specially selected LEGO elements! Wow.

Does that mean the red ones… or the green?

The group discussion would be interesting to hear. Problem solving and decision making? Give me a break… exactly what wisdom will you gain?


ras lego


Okay, there’s that.

But hey, you’ll be utilizing kinesthetic skills and will be required to learn and listen.

This is Serious Play!

Taught by a Serious Play facilitator!



Of course when I was young, the people who took LEGOS seriously usually ended up like this….




But maybe times have changed.



Oddly enough….


When I think of lawn ornaments?

Mr. Potato Head is not the first thing that comes to mind.




And while I love a good spud with my steak as much as the next person…




I can’t say I’d want this bigger than life fellow greeting me at my door every night.




Maybe so.

But I’m old enough to remember this creepy vintage playground Potato Head.



And stand by my statement.

No thank you!

Boys and their (too damned big) toys.


The husband had been sputtering about one for a year, so I knew ….




Naturally he had to have the biggest one they sold…




And we had to rent a damned trailer to get the silly thing home.





Did we need a lawn mower with a cut radius almost as wide as I am tall?





But we’ve got one now.

And contrary to popular belief…. bigger is not better when trying to fit said mower in your shed.




I told him it wouldn’t fit before he bought it.




I told him it wouldn’t fit after he bought it.




You know where this is going, right?



It wouldn’t fit.



Yeah. Who saw that coming?

So now…




His precious car is going to live outside so the even more precious new toy can have half of the garage to itself.




Men and their toys.




Driving women crazy since time immemorial….