.
All you have to do is choose a number.
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My answers are 2 and 3… and if absolutely necessary, 4.
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What’s your desired shade of bacon?
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All you have to do is choose a number.
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My answers are 2 and 3… and if absolutely necessary, 4.
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What’s your desired shade of bacon?
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It may be ridiculous, but at least it’s not politics.
.

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Unless a Hemsworth is delivering that hammer to my table?
Probably not.
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I do love a good morel.
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But damn, that’s impressive.
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It looks a bit silly, but 12 tons? Why aren’t we winging all of them…
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Brain tapeworm can’t be pleasant, but I’m still not giving up my bacon.
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A professional squatter?
Proof positive there’s a job for everyone.
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Because sometimes news can be fun.
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Long live bacon!
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Does this beat underwear? I don’t know… but I’m guessing not.
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If ever there was a time to say oops, my bad…. this was it.
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It’s official… our cat is a slacker.
Lord Dudley Mountcatten is definitely not earning his keep.
.
Continuing through the English settlement we saw garden plots…

And goats.

Who liked a good chin scratch.

I mean really liked a good chin scratch. This guy followed me the entire length of the fence.

We met a young man chopping firewood…

Who when asked what was in his flask, replied “Beer, of course. The water will make you sick.”

We discovered beer was quite popular in those days.
And if I had to cook all my meals in that contraption behind the women?

I’d drink beer everyday as well.

Colonists popped out at you everywhere…

Some friendly…

Some not.

This woman was the Governor’s wife and therefor had a slightly better home. With wood floors and a proper chimney.

Although the quality of workmanship seemed about the same.
Finished with the colony, we moved on to the museum with it’s eel pot…

It’s sea suit.

And because I knew you’d ask…

And it’s Mayflower provision list.

250 lbs of bacon and 280 lbs of butter… That will hold me for 8 weeks, but what will the rest of you eat?

Though I do have to say, that list seems a little suspect. Considering margarine was invented in 1868 and Rice Krispies in 1927…I highly doubt they were aboard the original ship in 1620.
WTH?
But the museum did have the Mooflower….

And an anatomically correct, trouser wearing, sea going cow vessel?

Makes up for a lot of historical inaccuracies.

Last up was the petting barn where we found…

Yes.
One rabbit…
Apparently the pilgrims ate everyone else before we got there.

But then we saw…

So we met Hyacinth.

And may I just say?

She was a bitch.
I tried to pet her and almost lost a finger. She tried to head butt a few children and looked ready to go 12 rounds with a service dog that walked by.

If you’re approaching that age when you yell at the kids to get off your lawn? Don’t get a shotgun…
Get a Hyacinth.
It’s four evil letters…
And I dread it like the plague.

But the time has come.
Entering my 50’s, a hysterectomy forced menopause and long Maine winters have taken their toll and I swear I don’t even recognize myself when I look in a full length mirror.
Alright, yes.
Bacon may have had a little something to do with it.

So now I’m eating healthy.
I’ve given up bacon, and cheese, and gravy, and bread, and chocolate and all those other wonderful things that make life worth living.

I’m back on the treadmill for 2 or 3 sessions a day…. panting, sweating and realizing how horribly out of shape I’ve become.
And believe me when I say I hate exercising.
Really f*ing hate it.

I’m not enjoying the process, but I’m down 14 lbs…. and that’s rewarding.
What’s not rewarding is that I can’t even tell the difference. And that, my friends…. is a sure sign you’re overweight.
I mean damn… shouldn’t my clothes be falling off me by now?

It’s been 5 weeks of abstinence…
(No, not that kind. I’m overweight, not crazy.)
In a perfect world, I lose another 30lbs. But I’m not holding my breath for miracles. The older we get, the harder it is to lose and at this point I’d be happy to just fit into some of my old clothes again.
So, give a girl a hand. If you have any dieting tips or tricks? I’m all ears…
And hips.
And thighs.
And boobs…

actual footage of my treadmill motivation
I read an article the other day that was so good it might need to become a blog series.
It’s about words.

Stop that.
It’s going to be great, I promise.
English is a funny language and apparently if it’s not your mother tongue, can be quite difficult to learn. So naturally it stands to reason there would be a large collection of foreign words with no direct English equivalent.
Let’s explore that.
Excess weight gained from emotional overeating.
Literally, grief bacon.
Grief bacon!
It’s official.
Kummerspeck is now my new favorite word.

Do I like bacon?

Indeed I do.
Do I care that it’s bad for you?

No. I do not.
2. Mencolek (Indonesian)
The old trick where you tap someone lightly on the opposite shoulder from behind to fool them.
Where was this word when I was young?
I totally slayed Mencolek in the 3rd grade.

3. Seigneur-terraces (French)
Coffee shop dwellers who sit at tables a long time, but spend very little money.
Funny….
In English we just call them cheap.

4. Slampadato (Italian)
Someone addicted to the UV glow of tanning salons.
I think we all know one of those.

And finally..
5. Pana Po’o (Hawaiian)
To scratch your head in order to help you remember something you’ve forgotten.
This is not a technique I’m familiar with, but then I’ve never been to Hawaii so what do I know?

But to hell with remembering where the keys are …
This is pure brilliance.
A few random shots that are clogging up my computer and not individually blog worthy.

Clearly this t shirt has my name on it..
And someone should purchase it for me forthwith.

Sadly, this also has my name on it.
But hey –

Testify!
In other news, I love a backyard bird sighting.

And though Evening Grosbeaks are common to our area….

We’ve never had them here.

Until now.

And with a pecker photo bomb.

How fun is that?

And finally?
This.

Because yes…
That little bastard needs to go.