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In my continued attempt to cover my readers in sartorial splendor, I bring you the Overgrown shoe.
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For those days when you’re feeling a little grassy and unkept.
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Because dressing with dirt must be trending.
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A special shoebox? Well damn, that should seal the deal.
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Some things naturally go together. Cookies and milk? Of course. Macaroni and cheese? You know it. Gin and tonic? I’ll bring the limes, cheers!
But fast food and shoes?
No.
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Clearly Madison Avenue was on a 6 martini lunch that day.
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And if that’s not stupid enough?
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Crocs – Ugliest. Shoe. Ever.
And I live in Maine, home of the L.L. Bean boot.
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KFC Crocs?
For the love of God, why.
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As if all the weirdo products aren’t bad enough, now Facebook wants to dress me.
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At first glance I thought that was a skirt.
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Do I want to walk around furred and feathered?
I do not.
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Gender neutral? How about plain hideous.
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I despise Crocs and have never worn one. Adding a flashlight to the toe will not change my mind.
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I’m picturing me trying to get in (or out) of this dress after a few martinis. It’s not a pretty picture..
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I’m a woman.
I love jewelry.
These statements are accurate. So while Facebook’s purchase suggestion was correct in theory, it was a tad off when it came to style.
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And when it came to shoes ?
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While I did appreciate the bottle opener feature, I tend to draw the line at astroturf footwear.
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Hmm… I didn’t know I wanted this either.
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But now I kind of do….
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I saw the perfect wineglass for the man cave bar on a friend’s Facebook page the other day.
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So if anyone knows what store this is, please let me know.
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Ugh.
How about you run over them with your studded snow tires instead.
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Dinosaurs make everything better.
Follow me for more helpful holiday hints and lifestyle advice.
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Especially when your closet looks like this.
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I spent 5 solid hours sorting, cleaning and trying on a shockingly large collection of things that no longer fit… but only managed to finish one little section.
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It was exhausting… as well as depressing and I called it quits when I hit the jean pile, mumbling tomorrow is another day in my best Scarlett O’Hara voice.
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I had to ditch multiple pairs of cute boots due to my I’m not 90 but my feet think they are bunions that have ruined the joy of shoe shopping and turned it into a loathsome chore I’ve come to dread. Gone are the days of fashionable heels… now? I live in sandals, sneakers and boots.
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Three garbage bags later my closet looked better… but I was more than ready for a consolation cocktail. Or two.
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Have you noticed the new trend in flour? They make it out of everything now. Back in my day you had Gold Medal and the only choices were 1 pound or 5. Now? There’s rice flour, almond flour, spelt flour and….
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Good grief, don’t people know the only acceptable alternative use of watermelon is margaritas?
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I saw this coffee table in Home Goods the other day and it made me wonder….
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Has caging misbehaving children and dinner guests now become acceptable?Because I’m fine with that.
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Crocs…the hideous abominations are everywhere.
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They’re basically the Honey Boo Boo of footwear and people need to stop wearing them.
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And fruit themed Crocs?
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Do nothing to alter my opinion of these pathetic plastic horrors. Please… for the love of all that’s holy, let these things die the natural death of outdated ugly footwear.
Like Jellies.
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They were hideous, but at least they had the decency to die.
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Because I never run out of drivel.
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I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess most of those voters were male.
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I followed this truck the other day and it made me smile. The Russians are coming? As long as they bring vodka and pelmeni I’m probably alright with that.
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O. M. G.
I may never go in my closet after dark again….
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I bought quack snacks for our visiting pair of mallards. I bought two bags because I’m a generous duck loving person.
Did the ducks appreciate my effort and generosity? They most certainly did not. And refused to eat one single lousy bite.
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Ungrateful little bastards.
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Would I like a Hermès bag? Sure.
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Would I like a Hermès bag made from fungus? Oddly enough, I would not.
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Say it isn’t so. Good grief… the model doesn’t even look happy.
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On a list of ridiculous things no one needs? This has got to be in the top 5.
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$1,000 a pair!
You might as well wear a sign that says “Yes, I’m a moron. Thanks for noticing”
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Since I’m still trying to plow through my massive stack of magazines, I have to share.
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Do we really need shoes that breathe? I don’t… but maybe that’s just me.
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I’m all for alternative leather products… eucalyptus? Cool. But if they come up with kale filled seats? I’m boycotting on sheer principle.
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According to this map temperatures are rising almost everywhere but it looks like me and my hot flashes are in the right place. Hang in there Maine! River melts into a puddle in anything above 75 degrees.
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If you’ve never had canned brown bread you haven’t lived a full life. This is a Maine staple, made in Portland, Maine… so why this article calls it Boston brown is a mystery. Moist and filled with molasses?
Try it. Your mouth will thank me.
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Dexter is coming back!
I don’t have Showtime anymore but might have to resubscribe in order to revisit my favorite serial killer.
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Ghost pepper strawberry frosting?
No.
Just no.
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River's world..... 