Tag Archives: shoes

Sometimes you have to be ruthless.

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Especially when your closet looks like this.

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I spent 5 solid hours sorting, cleaning and trying on a shockingly large collection of things that no longer fit… but only managed to finish one little section.

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It was exhausting… as well as depressing and I called it quits when I hit the jean pile, mumbling tomorrow is another day in my best Scarlett O’Hara voice.

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I had to ditch multiple pairs of cute boots due to my I’m not 90 but my feet think they are bunions that have ruined the joy of shoe shopping and turned it into a loathsome chore I’ve come to dread. Gone are the days of fashionable heels… now? I live in sandals, sneakers and boots.

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Three garbage bags later my closet looked better… but I was more than ready for a consolation cocktail. Or two.

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Things for which there are no reasonable explanations.

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Have you noticed the new trend in flour? They make it out of everything now. Back in my day you had Gold Medal and the only choices were 1 pound or 5. Now? There’s rice flour, almond flour, spelt flour and….

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Good grief, don’t people know the only acceptable alternative use of watermelon is margaritas?

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I saw this coffee table in Home Goods the other day and it made me wonder….

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Has caging misbehaving children and dinner guests now become acceptable?Because I’m fine with that.

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Crocs…the hideous abominations are everywhere.

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They’re basically the Honey Boo Boo of footwear and people need to stop wearing them.

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And fruit themed Crocs?

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Do nothing to alter my opinion of these pathetic plastic horrors. Please… for the love of all that’s holy, let these things die the natural death of outdated ugly footwear.

Like Jellies.

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They were hideous, but at least they had the decency to die.

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Random drivel

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Because I never run out of drivel.

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I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess most of those voters were male.

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I followed this truck the other day and it made me smile. The Russians are coming? As long as they bring vodka and pelmeni I’m probably alright with that.

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O. M. G.

I may never go in my closet after dark again….

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I bought quack snacks for our visiting pair of mallards. I bought two bags because I’m a generous duck loving person.

Did the ducks appreciate my effort and generosity? They most certainly did not. And refused to eat one single lousy bite.

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Ungrateful little bastards.

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Things I will never need.

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Would I like a Hermès bag? Sure.

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Would I like a Hermès bag made from fungus? Oddly enough, I would not.

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Say it isn’t so. Good grief… the model doesn’t even look happy.

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On a list of ridiculous things no one needs? This has got to be in the top 5.

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$1,000 a pair!

You might as well wear a sign that says “Yes, I’m a moron. Thanks for noticing”

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Magazine musings…

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Since I’m still trying to plow through my massive stack of magazines, I have to share.

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Do we really need shoes that breathe? I don’t… but maybe that’s just me.

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I’m all for alternative leather products… eucalyptus? Cool. But if they come up with kale filled seats? I’m boycotting on sheer principle.

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According to this map temperatures are rising almost everywhere but it looks like me and my hot flashes are in the right place. Hang in there Maine! River melts into a puddle in anything above 75 degrees.

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If you’ve never had canned brown bread you haven’t lived a full life. This is a Maine staple, made in Portland, Maine… so why this article calls it Boston brown is a mystery. Moist and filled with molasses?

Try it. Your mouth will thank me.

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Dexter is coming back!

I don’t have Showtime anymore but might have to resubscribe in order to revisit my favorite serial killer.

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Ghost pepper strawberry frosting?

No.

Just no.

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Products no one needs but you know someone will buy.

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This first one is sure to be a favorite on Valentines Day.

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Because nothing says I love you like petrified beef.

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Good God, do these things still even exist?

Please, for the love of all that’s holy… no.

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For when you really want to throw down like Hamlet.

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This.

This is really what’s wrong with America. We’re too damn lazy to sit up.

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Pfft. I call foul.

Everyone knows Alfred Von Wigglebottom wouldn’t be caught dead on anything less than Danish Modern.

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Pandemic humor.

 

Because someone has to laugh, and it might as well be you.

 

 

Ya gotta love Madison Avenue….

Simple ads are always the best.

 

 

As was I.

So where is it?

 

 

I don’t have any personal experience with this, but I can see their point.

 

 

Well those don’t look at all bunion friendly.

 

 

Now why didn’t I think of that?

 

 

As good an explanation as any.

 

 

Because cleanliness is so important.

I beg to differ Oprah.

 

Flipping through O magazine the other day  (I get it free, don’t judge)  I realized Oprah and I disagree about a few things.

Most importantly, her list of must have items.

She might find these necessary and affordable, but I don’t.

 

 

Seriously? Bragging about your house manager Eddie and his cocktail mixing prowess is bad form. Especially when we peons are occasionally forced to drink cocktails from can.

Let’s forget the revolting sounding ‘flavor capsule’….  why in the world would I pay $350 to have a machine mix my drink.

My local pub’s bartender does a fine job and he never expects that big a tip.

 

 

$70 for a bottle.

To put alcohol and fruit in.

Call me classy, but a mason jar works just as well for a lot less.

 

 

Good grief.

$195 so my selfies can be better lighted?

I’m 55 and menopausal. No one wants to see that any more clearly than they already have.

Oprah redeemed herself slightly with this last pick.

It’s been a while since I shopped at Talbots, but I could probably rock a pair of these.

 

 

Cheers!