Tag Archives: headlines

News you can’t use.

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Think of me as the anti Walter Cronkite.

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And I thought I had trouble finding shoes because of a bunion. Damn!

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Nothing says down to earth Royal like a couple of hens.

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Proof positive there is such a thing as too much tech.

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Do I need to feel like I’m competitive skiing while voiding my bowels? No. I do not…

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Sorry night owls, you’ll have to get up with us early birds if you want to top our Trivial Pursuit scores.

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News you can’t use.

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Because you know I’ll never run out of these.

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Don’t worry, I’m sure there will be other opportunities in the future. And if they auction off his old toothbrush you could always harvest a little DNA, grow a clone and start a billion dollar company in your own garage.

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#1?

The peanut butter cookie… to which I have but one word.

Blech!

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Foot Botox. Why can’t rich people just take a piece of sandpaper to their heels like the rest of us.

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I most definitely do not.

Nope. Not in the least.

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That’s a hat?

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I know there’s a lot of down time while on stakeout or speed trap duty…. but that seems a bit extreme.

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News you can’t use.

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You can’t use it, but you can laugh… and that’s always better.

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That’s what I call payback.

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You heard it here first Mark.

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I don’t care if you liked Barack or not, you can’t beat that for cool.

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Yes, there really are sneakers for horses now.

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It’s hard to argue with that logic.

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Proof positive there is such a thing as too much tech.

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News you can’t use.

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Someday someone will be able to use one of these, and then I’ll have to stop posting them.

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That’s not something you hear every day.

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Great. Yet another global climate change catastrophe. Screw with this planet at your peril people….

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I’m sorry, but this is not news. Or new for that matter.

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I’d say everyone has to have a hobby, but WTH?

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News you can’t use.

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And if you can use it, I promise I won’t judge.

Much.

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Turns out 7 year old boys were right. No good can come from bathing.

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Eating roadkill? If you’re starving, sure. But I draw the line at smoking poo.

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Hmm. Sounds like that was some pretty potent shit he was smoking.

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That is just… wrong.

🤢

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If she was serving candy corn grilled cheese, it serves her right.

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Damn, Martha. At least make him take you out for a nice dinner first….

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News you can’t use.

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News. It’s a subjective term these days, and that’s sad.

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I’m not going to comment on this one, because honestly… I just don’t want to.

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Well, if it can remove car battery corrosion …. stones shouldn’t be a problem.

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And we humans dutifully comply . Ookie Pookie must be kept happy… or there will be consequences.

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Of course she did. She’s 10.

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I don’t know. And I don’t care to find out… but gee, your mother must be so proud.

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This last news alert is from my town. And I don’t know about you, but I prefer it to vaginal squirting contests.

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News you can’t use.

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Because regular news is so depressing these days.

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I heard the rat is now drinking Bud Light and filing for unemployment while living in his mother’s basement. His podcast is scheduled to go live next Saturday.

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Because everything needs an update, even Jesus.

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I’m on the fence with this one. Please try it for me and report back.

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Is it a shoe? Is it a bag? What’s going on here….

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Cheese in individual plastic wrappers is not cheese. It’s orange dyed rubber and should be banned from kitchens everywhere. Do yourself a favor and make your grilled sandwich from a nice Gruyère or Vermont cheddar. Your taste buds will thank me.

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News you can’t use.

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Because news you can use is usually depressing.

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If you’re ready for your mind to be blown, look up this artist and his beyond bizarre house. Everything is doodled, even the toilet.

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Okay, I don’t feel so bad about my outdated Shake and Bake now.

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I take it back about not being depressing. That’s the very definition of sad.

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In local news there were no takers on this generous offer. Please don’t tell my husband.

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And while I enjoy creepy Halloween decorations as much as the next girl? That’s a hard Hell no to disembodied demon doll heads.

Yikes!

😬

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News you can’t use.

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Seriously, no one needs to know this stuff.

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After reading that, I’ve come to the conclusion my beloved Red Sox are just phoning it in. Rather like their playing this season.

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Yeah, right. Do they think I haven’t seen Children of the Corn?

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A three foot long earthworm? That’s a large amount of ick factor.

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Of course it is.

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I’m going to have to take their word for that.

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Thank you, but no.

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