Tag Archives: kale

I love my town.

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You never know what’s going to turn up on my little town’s Facebook page. It could be relevant community news….

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Or not.

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Our UPS guy totally rocks. He leaves dog biscuits for all the canine residents whether they’re barking at him or not.

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See? You can’t even give that stuff away.

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If there are synchronized dancing peppers wearing sombreros? I’m totally going next week.

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Magazine musings…

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Since I’m still trying to plow through my massive stack of magazines, I have to share.

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Do we really need shoes that breathe? I don’t… but maybe that’s just me.

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I’m all for alternative leather products… eucalyptus? Cool. But if they come up with kale filled seats? I’m boycotting on sheer principle.

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According to this map temperatures are rising almost everywhere but it looks like me and my hot flashes are in the right place. Hang in there Maine! River melts into a puddle in anything above 75 degrees.

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If you’ve never had canned brown bread you haven’t lived a full life. This is a Maine staple, made in Portland, Maine… so why this article calls it Boston brown is a mystery. Moist and filled with molasses?

Try it. Your mouth will thank me.

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Dexter is coming back!

I don’t have Showtime anymore but might have to resubscribe in order to revisit my favorite serial killer.

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Ghost pepper strawberry frosting?

No.

Just no.

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CSA and grocery store horrors.

 

This week’s offering from our CSA was a little lean on our end because there were a lot of things we don’t eat and elected to let our neighbor take.

 

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Cilantro, bok choi, kale, turnips, spigarello, fennel, and kohlrabi? We passed.

But the chard was rainbow colored…

 

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So there is that.

And in the continuing saga of bizarre grocery items found on my local shelves…..

 

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Every possible mutation of pasta imaginable are still being pushed.

 

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As is the ever present  (and still disgusting)  kale.

Delicious? I doubt it.

Crazy good? Not possible.

Stop the insanity and put kale back where it belongs…. in a rabbit’s colon. Other than the trash can, that’s the only proper place.

 

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Thankfully there was one sane product line of which I took full advantage.

 

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Let the grilling begin.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Because I have too much time on my hands this afternoon.

 

If you have predictive text on your cell phone, grab it and let’s play.

Remember The Princess Bride movie?

No, I don’t either. But apparently there’s a quotable line from the film that goes like this….

 

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So a Facebook friend of mine tagged me to play the 2020 version.

Start texting My name is…..

You killed my….

Prepare to….

And let predictive text do the rest.

 

My results:

My name is not the big barn.  ( seriously, that’s what I got! )

You killed my husband and he didn’t even know.  ( it’s true he’s not very observant, but still. )

Prepare to be a little more than the kale.  ( I seriously hope I’m a lot more than that foul weed. )

Not kidding, that’s what it said.

 

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Apparently my iPhone is freakishly tuned in to my life.

Which if I stopped laughing, might make me a little worried.

 

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Nominations snominations.

 

My slightly twisted, but delightfully so, friend  Masercot  has just nominated me for this:

 

award

 

For which I will be  sticking pins in a doll of his likeness and waiting for parts of him to drop off  eternally grateful.

You know the drill, I have to answer questions.

Thankfully… because he’s twisted, this won’t be the hardship it normally is.

Let’s begin.

If you could choose any historical figure to hold your hair out of the toilet while you drunkenly vomit at a party, who would it be and why?

I’m going to have to go with Lord Byron. The man drank his liquor out of a cup made from a human skull. You have to admire that kind of commitment.

If you HAD to own a pet and it couldn’t be a dog or a cat, to what country would you flee  to escape such a fascist regime. Remember that “Canada” is not an acceptable answer.

Australia…. where my dream pet wombats roam free.

What is your favorite, currently active, credit card number?

Nice try. But you know my only form of currency is tequila. If I can’t buy it with a perfectly mixed margarita? I don’t need it.

You’ve been told you will be allowed to join Trump’s Space Force if you sleep with a Marx Brother and Zeppo is not available. Which do you sleep with and why?

Can’t we just jettison Trump into space and call it good?

If you had to recommend an illegal drug to the youth of America, which drug would it be and how?

Blogging. It’s horribly addicting…. but so satisfying.

Do you think pound cake is overrated?

Only if it weighs 14 ounces.

Do you like Aquaman’s new look or do you prefer the blonde hair and tights?

I actually sat through the entire new Aquaman movie. Sober. Need I say more?

 

In keeping with tradition (and not because I want to force my friends to share the misery that are these never ending awards)  I shall post the rules.

Display the award logo
Thank the blogger who nominated you and post a link to their blog
Answer the questions of the one who nominated you
Nominate some bloggers
Ask them seven questions

 

I will now gleefully nominate:

James  because I had to sit through an entire months worth of Star Wars posts and he owes me.

liveandletthai  since he’s always whining not enough people read his blog and just discovered he can make alcohol from dried hibiscus blossoms. You never know when that will come in handy.

clevergirlwrites  she’s clever, and a girl. We need to stick together.

Boo  because we’ve been blog friends a long time and I like to harass her long distance.

swingedcat  he makes me laugh and posts bison photos. Friends like that are harder to find than you think.

 

My questions:

Would any of you be willing to let a slightly pissed off red squirrel and her children rent a room? The sooner the better, I’m getting hateful looks.

If you could change one thing about your spouse/partner/significant other/blow up girlfriend what would it be, and why?

Can you talk me into eating kale in 50 words or less? I know you can’t, but it will be fun to see you try.

You win an all expense paid trip for two to Antarctica, do you bring a Kardashian or Caitlyn Jenner?

By some strange twist of fate, you’re elected President of the United States in 2020. What’s your first executive order?

And finally, if you’ve made it this far…. why do bloggers feel compelled to keep this award thing going when none of us really like them?

Wait…. what!

You mean I didn’t have to?

Sure, now you tell me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No. Just… no.

 

I think we’ve established I won’t eat it.

 

 

I’m not eating the kale chips.

I’m not drinking the kale smoothies….

 

 

Hell no.

But this?

This is a bridge too far.

 

 

 

Now you want me to wash my hair with it?

 

 

Vegan?

Damn…. and here I was looking forward to lathering up with a nice chunk of fat back.

 

 

Nope.

This is a kale free household and it’s going to stay that way!

Strange products are back.

 

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Unless it’s in a rent by the hour hot sheet motel? I don’t think anyone needs their bed to vibrate.

 

 

Just…. no.

If I’m not willing to eat kale? ( and I think we’ve established I’d rather have my toenails ripped off by a hungry wombat ) I doubt I’ll be spreading it on my face any time soon.

 

 

 

Well this is ridiculous.

Leftover chocolate. What’s that?

 

 

 

Proof positive there are a limitless number of kitchen gadgets waiting to collect dust in your cabinet.

Move over avocado hugger and ice cream ball. Spaetzle maker is in da house.

 

 

I have no idea if this works or not, but may I just say?

Eww.

 

 

 

 

When I first saw this I thought… nope, I’ll pass on the motivational self help crap.

Until I realized it could be filled with G&T’s or margaritas.

1:00pm took on a whole new meaning then.

 

Just…. no.

 

Have you noticed how everyone is posting their favorite recipes online lately?

Quarantine fever is driving everyone into the kitchen and they just can’t wait to share.

Every time I look I’m inundated with pleas of,  “Try this, you’ll love it!” or  “Our family’s favorite. You won’t be disappointed!”

In truth, I rarely love it…. and am more often than not disappointed.

 

Friends are always extolling the virtues of kale, tumeric, tofu and other completely unappealing things…

 

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And after the recipe I saw yesterday?

I realize I simply need new friends.

 

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Yeah.

I’m pretty sure parsnip spice cake won’t be happening in our kitchen any time soon.

 

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