Tag Archives: feet

Products no one needs.

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A list of gifts to give your friends. If you don’t ever want them to speak to you again that is….

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Repeat after me, ” I will not buy River a dog’s ass pillow for her birthday or Christmas. Not now. Not ever. ”

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Seriously? Like I don’t have enough guilt reaching for those two extra slices of cheese as it is.

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Why.

Why in the world would anyone want to walk around in a baguette? I’ve been to France and had them fresh from the boulangerie. They are made to sop up sauce, be covered in jam or smothered in cheese… not your nasty foot funk.

That’s a hard no from me.

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Products no one needs.

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Correct me if I’m wrong…

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But that has got to be the worst product ever invented. If you want to see me in a homicidal rage? Watch me chase a screaming alarm clock down the hall with a baseball bat at 4:00am.

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Do I need to wrap myself in a life size tortilla?

No. I really don’t.

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A foot hammock.

Because those pillowed neck rolls people wear on airplanes aren’t ridiculous enough.

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Why in the world would I pay for an implement that gives me the hairdo I spend all morning trying to get rid of?

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Read my lips…

I neither have an inner mermaid, nor do I need to find one.

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This.

Because the government doesn’t eat enough of our money as it is.

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Must have products I must not have.

 

Here’s another selection of must have products… this time with a twist.

These are all things guaranteed to reduce your stress level.

 

 

 

 

Sorry, but having a nail polish cocktail ring is only going to increase my stress.

The first time my nose itches? That Moonlight Madness Maroon will be Jackson Pollock-ing the living room wall.

 

 

 

Really?

I’ve got news for you, if I’m going to recline in a hammock it better be large enough for my whole body….. and a pitcher of margaritas.

 

 

I don’t know about you, but if I’m stressed?

The last thing I’m worrying about is mopping up that martini I spilled on the floor.

 

 

 

Yeah.

Because a disembodied hand is soooo relaxing.