Tag Archives: bread

Products no one needs.

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A list of gifts to give your friends. If you don’t ever want them to speak to you again that is….

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Repeat after me, ” I will not buy River a dog’s ass pillow for her birthday or Christmas. Not now. Not ever. ”

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Seriously? Like I don’t have enough guilt reaching for those two extra slices of cheese as it is.

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Why.

Why in the world would anyone want to walk around in a baguette? I’ve been to France and had them fresh from the boulangerie. They are made to sop up sauce, be covered in jam or smothered in cheese… not your nasty foot funk.

That’s a hard no from me.

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I never thought I’d say this..

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But drop what thoust is doing and get thee to the nearest Wal Mart forthwith.

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Yes, that Wal Mart.

And I know, you’ll need to wear blinders or your faith in the human race as a species will spiral down the drain…. but trust me. This time it will be worth it.

Because during a begrudged trip there the other day to buy bird seed since both our local stores were out?

I found this:

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And holy guacamole Batman! There’s a little taste of paradise in every bite. Rich, sweet, and buttery…. I don’t even care if I’ll have to let my pants out at the waist next week.

And if that’s not enough to entice you to walk down Wal Mart’s hallowed halls?

Here’s an added bonus.

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He knows me so well.

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My Facebook page popped up with a memory that was fun to read the other day.

It was one of those silly quizzes… with a twist. Instead of answering the questions yourself, you ask the questions to your spouse/partner/significant other to see how well they know you.

If you want to see how my husband did, read on.

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1. What’s something I always say?

Im a font of useless knowledge.

He nailed that one, I say it all the time.

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2. What makes me happy?

I do.

Cheeky answer, but it’s true.

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3. What makes me sad?

Injured animals.

Very true.

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4. What’s my favorite thing to do?

Read.

He’s got me there. If I don’t have a book? I’m not a happy camper.

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5. What do I do when you’re not around?

Read.

Fair enough. I probably do.

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6. What makes you proud of me?

Everything.

Good answer. My man didn’t just fall off the turnip truck you know.

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7. What’s my favorite food?

Bread.

I might have to disagree with that, but it’s true I eat my fair share. And maybe your share… if you’re not paying attention.

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8. If I could go anywhere in the world, where would I go?

Scotland.

I’ve often spoken of my desire to see my father’s homeland, so yes.

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9. Do you think you could live without me?

No.

Smart man.

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10. How do I annoy you?

You prove me wrong too often.

And that… was my very favorite answer by far.

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So yes, after 36 years of marriage I’d say my other half knows me pretty damn well.

Can you say the same?

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Magazine musings…

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Since I’m still trying to plow through my massive stack of magazines, I have to share.

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Do we really need shoes that breathe? I don’t… but maybe that’s just me.

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I’m all for alternative leather products… eucalyptus? Cool. But if they come up with kale filled seats? I’m boycotting on sheer principle.

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According to this map temperatures are rising almost everywhere but it looks like me and my hot flashes are in the right place. Hang in there Maine! River melts into a puddle in anything above 75 degrees.

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If you’ve never had canned brown bread you haven’t lived a full life. This is a Maine staple, made in Portland, Maine… so why this article calls it Boston brown is a mystery. Moist and filled with molasses?

Try it. Your mouth will thank me.

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Dexter is coming back!

I don’t have Showtime anymore but might have to resubscribe in order to revisit my favorite serial killer.

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Ghost pepper strawberry frosting?

No.

Just no.

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Sometimes I feel like I’m just phoning it in.

 

There’s nothing like the internet to make you feel inadequate.

And while I consider myself a relatively good cook, photos of the latest trend in baking shared by a friend are making me doubt my commitment.

 

 

Because, to be honest….

 

 

This type of magic never occurs in my kitchen.

 

 

I can’t even blame it on not having the time…

 

 

Because that’s something I have plenty of right now.

 

 

So all I can say is …. stop.

 

 

Stop making the rest of us look like slackers.

 

 

Asshole.

Now you’re just showing off.

Turns out you really can get anything from Amazon….

 

But sometimes, my question is this…

Why would you want to?

 

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Personally, I’ve never felt the need to shed my skin like a snake…

But okay, whatever floats your boat.

 

And while I enjoy a good bug museum as much as the next girl…

 

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I’ve never felt the need to actually snack on them.

Eww.

 

This one?

 

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I can’t quite put my finger on it, but it just looks…

Wrong.

 

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Likewise for Fred and friends dunking their nether regions in my cup of hot tea.

Just…

No.

 

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I could probably get behind the bread alignment pad…

 

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And sure.

Wine condoms, if anyone actually ever has leftover wine.

(Is that even possible?)

 

But this last one –

Is not only an affront to common decency…

But the ruination of every backyard bbq and clambake in my foreseeable future.

 

 

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Damn you Amazon…

I may never eat corn again.