Tag Archives: hair

Get thee to a hair salon!

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Covid has changed our lives in a myriad of ways, and while I’d like to say I’ve come to appreciate the smaller things and learned I don’t need things like dinner out, travel, shopping trips and concerts ( though I do, I really do! ) what I’ve discovered is somewhat different.

Basically I need two things.

#1….. I need to step away from the bacon, cupcakes and potato chips. Who knew sitting on the couch blogging while stuffing your face with snacks for a year could lead to none of your clothes fitting properly ? Not me, that’s for sure.

And #2….. I need to find a hair salon ASAP. Because along with socializing and vacations, the other thing I haven’t done in a year is get my hair cut.

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Last spring it was healthy and perfectly layered, this spring it’s dry, full of split ends and suffering from my crazed butchering with the kitchen scissors.

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No layers, no shape, no bounce. I’ve never gone this long without a stylist working their magic and it’s beginning to show.

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And no, I haven’t touched the color, it’s just different lighting in the photos.

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To be honest I thought a solid year of unchecked growth would result in more inches but it only seems to have lengthened on the top. Leave it to me to have weirdo hair.

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Recent additions to the Barn Mahal.

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After thoroughly whipping my other half in a marathon Scrabble session in the barn last weekend, I took a good look around.

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And realized what an amazing storage building filled with absolute crap ….

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To seriously alcoholcentric man cave transformation we had wrought.

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Yay us.

And to this glorious rustic palace of play? I added a few new things.

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Because if there was ever a more perfect place for my fully operational spastic poop drone… I don’t know where it could be.

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To the bar, I added an acrylic box of appropriately themed cocktail napkins.

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Each more true than the last.

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Alongside the napkins there are now swizzle sticks.

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Some are shaped like twigs in honor of their origin.

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And some are shaped like jazz hands… because it’s just delightfully creepy.

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And since no man cave with a bar should be without them?

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Hair spray and a comb to repair follicle damage the walk from our wind blown house wreaks on my unruly tresses.

And if you’re cringing over that addition gentlemen?

Viola!

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I also added a plant.

Granted, it’s a just small succulent…. but I believe my eventual takeover of the premises is progressing quite nicely.

😈

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Products no one needs.

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Correct me if I’m wrong…

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But that has got to be the worst product ever invented. If you want to see me in a homicidal rage? Watch me chase a screaming alarm clock down the hall with a baseball bat at 4:00am.

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Do I need to wrap myself in a life size tortilla?

No. I really don’t.

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A foot hammock.

Because those pillowed neck rolls people wear on airplanes aren’t ridiculous enough.

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Why in the world would I pay for an implement that gives me the hairdo I spend all morning trying to get rid of?

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Read my lips…

I neither have an inner mermaid, nor do I need to find one.

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This.

Because the government doesn’t eat enough of our money as it is.

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Bathroom products you might need.

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Or might not. That’s entirely up to you.

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Don’t discount alternative toilet paper. When the next Covid wave of hoarding shoppers comes through you’re going to wish you had grandma’s old Sears catalog.

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Good grief! If you’re losing that much hair in the shower? Seek medical help not a drain blocker.

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Now isn’t that just special?

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In the current Covid climate? This is the equivalent of one upping your neighbor. To heck with building a wrap around porch and landscaping with exotic flora…. displaying 8 rolls of toilet paper means you’ve arrived.

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Pandemic humor

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Admit it, you need to laugh as much as I do.

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Yeah, I hate when that happens.

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I’ve never had the pleasure, but from the tone of the reviews…. I’m going to pass.

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Karen.

That bitch is trying my patience.

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Am I the only one who’s slightly freaked out by this…?

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Stop bogarting the Oreos fat boy. Christmas is about sharing….

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2020.

It’s the only explanation.

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Products no one needs.

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My only question is why anyone makes these things in the first place.

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I prefer my clams in chowder with heavy cream thank you very much.

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Oh, hell no. I can only drink if the BeeGees are playing?

Trust me, if the BeeGees are playing…. I’ll need more not less.

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I’m sorry, but they don’t. Less really is more.

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While this is rather cute? It’s also a great way to take out an eye. Weaponized mallows are over the top, even for me.

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No. Aside from the fact the packaging seems to be marketed for 6 year old girls…

I refuse to wear a perfume named Juicy Bunny on sheer principle.

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I rarely post in real time….

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But I’m in pain and quite cranky, so here goes.

Remember a while back I stained our back deck on my hands and knees? I do it every few years but this time it caught up with me. Thank you (not so) old age, you suck the big root.

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My knee had been stiff and sore for the last month but I’m tougher than I look and just went about my business.

Bad move. Very, very bad.

Yesterday I stepped off my kitchen porch and something snapped. Like a rubber band… and yes, I screamed. Did I mention we had a big storm the night before and had been without power for 10 hours by then?

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Good times.

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I hobbled back in the house and iced it down but holy hell it hurt. I couldn’t walk, couldn’t bend, couldn’t put any weight on it whatsoever. Spent a very uncomfortable and sleepless night, then woke up looking something like this:

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I didn’t dare attempt a shower, so I limped to the doctors office this morning with my radical bed head and frightened a few staff members along the way.

Hey, ya gotta take your jollies where you can.

Turns out the doctor they assigned me wasn’t really a doctor just a nurse practitioner. And when he put me on the table to start pulling and tugging my leg in different directions? I was ready to cram his stethoscope where the sun don’t shine.

After the exam and manipulation I was almost in tears. Which is when he told me to go across town for xrays and an appointment with an orthopedist because oh, by the way… he had no earthly idea what was wrong with me. As I made my way back to the waiting room… with the speed of a 200 year tortoise… I discovered my husband had decided now would be a good time to request his flu shot.

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Which we waited a good half hour for.

So.. by the time I got across town, had xrays and was ready for my orthopedist appt? We found out the orthopedist leaves at noon.

It was 12:05…. and I was not a happy camper.

Long story long, I have an appointment tomorrow morning at 8:00am and they think I either tore a ligament or ripped a tendon. Either way, it’s not good.

And oh yes, my devoted spouse who took the day off from work to care for me? He’s at our local pub having a late lunch. Me? I had to make my own.

Ain’t love grand?

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Pandemic humor.

 

Because laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

 

 

You knew it had to happen.

Pumpkin spice is everywhere….

 

 

Yay!

Though I’m ashamed to admit I’m old enough to remember those.

 

 

All things considered?

Not bad Jen.

 

 

At this point, falling through a giant hole in the ground would be preferable to grocery shopping.

 

 

She really is.

Momma needs a cocktail. Don’t judge.

 

 

Single guys?

Please let me know how these work.

 

 

I hope so…

But it’s not looking good.

Curly haired girls rejoice!

 

I’ve always had naturally curly hair. And while that didn’t allow me to blend in during the long straight 70’s, I came into my own during the bigger the better 80’s.

 

 

Women still pay large amounts of money for perms, but fresh from the shower and allowed to air dry?

My hair looks like this –

 

 

I normally embrace my curl… except on damp days when I tend to look like this:

 

 

But there are times when I’d like a change. A slightly more controlled look.

Before I found the wonder product I’m about to share with you …. with no remuneration from the company though damn it, they should… this meant schlepping to a hair salon and paying someone to spend an hour pulling and tugging my locks into submission with a hot blow dryer and a medieval torture device large round brush.

But now?

Now that I’ve found this miracle wand?

 

 

It’s smooth sailing when ever I want.

 

 

In no time flat my hair is …

 

 

Flat!

 

 

And now that you’ve seen more pictures of the back of my head than you ever thought possible?

 

 

Go get yourself one of these.

It’s quick, it’s easy… and if you can twirl spaghetti?

You can have straight… or in my case straighter… hair than you ever dreamed of at home.