.
Because the world is filled with crazy headlines.
.
.
It could be…. but it won’t.
.
.
Is $11,500 too high a price for an air dried tush? I’m going with yes.
.
.
I wondered why I couldn’t find any spinach at the grocery store this week. Mystery solved.
.
.
The very definition of unusable news.
.
.
Take two turds and call me in the morning?
.
.
Imagine the black market possibilities here. Street corner conversations between dealer and buyer will be epic.
🤣
.
.
A few more chuckles from Mary Roach before I put this book to bed.
.
.
My husband does not moisturize, though at times I wish he would.
.
.
As you know I have a spouse who enjoys filling our kitchen with overpriced gadgets…. so I totally get this. Though thankfully no $345 pentolas have crossed our doorstep.
Yet.
.
.
Touchless trash cans with sensor eyes? Please don’t tell my husband.
.
.
Preach sister! My spouse never ever uses coins but has them stashed everywhere. In the den closet, in every vehicle cubbyhole, and yes in jars on the bedroom floor.
.
.
Though he prefers pickle to sauerkraut.
🥴
.
.
According to my stats I’m on a path to having the highest monthly views since I got here four years ago.
.
.
Granted I’ve been blogging about fascinating topics in January like the junk in our basement, crab balls and masturbating walruses… but still. The spike in readers seems a bit extreme.
And because I was curious which posts were popular, I checked.
.
.
Turns out they all were.
But only once.
.
.
I’m sure it’s just spammers, but most of the views are from the U.S., not India or Pakistan…. so it makes me wonder which one of you could be stalking my blog and searching my archives for pearls of wisdom like ‘Of Slime and Flies’?
Fess up. There’s no shame in the admission, we all need a hobby.
🤣
.
.
First a few oddities I saw while grocery shopping.
.
.
Is the jerky still perky if it’s not turkey?
Is the turkey still perky if it’s not jerky?
Inquiring minds want to know.
.
.
Chocolate and wine, two things I enjoy… but mixed together at the “fine wine” price of $7.99?
Probably not.
And now? A trending story on my town’s Facebook page.
.
.
Technically he hasn’t crossed the road yet, but it’s only a matter of time.
.
.
Because new margarita recipes must be shared.
.
.
You can buy decorative logs on Wayfair… and I’ve just realized I can make a fortune selling the contents of our woodshed to idiots.
Score!
.
.
There are a lot of reasons we love living in this house.
It’s in the fabulous state of Maine.
It’s in a small town in the country.
It’s surrounded by good neighbors, as well as horses, goats and chickens.
It has enough elbow room so we don’t have to see those neighbors unless we want to.
It has a steady parade of visiting wildlife.
But best of all?
We have perfect sunrises out the back windows and perfect sunsets out the front.
And when you wake up to this?
.
.
It’s hard to find fault with your world.
.
.
Good morning!
.
.
❤️
.
.
Robots.
They’re just like us…
.
.
He was so young, and had so much to live for.
.
.
Robotics and water? Never a good mix.
.
.
Don’t judge until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes.
Wheels? Tracks?
Whatever, you know what I mean.
🤣
.
.
.
I’m so glad winter finally showed up. Cold temps and snow! It warms my little menopausal heart, as well as cools off the rest of me.
.
.
There’s the husband shoveling a path to the bird feeders so our feathered friends don’t go hungry. He’s such a good egg.
.
.
We use this table as snow gauge. It piles up so perfectly, how could we not?
.
.
Once the snow caps these boxwood shrubs, the birds take cover underneath. It drives Lord Dudley Mountcatten insane.
.
.
Sunrise over the backyard reveals the deer superhighway.
.
.
We don’t have virgin fresh fallen snow for long.
.
.
❤️ 🦌 ❤️
.
.
More relatable Mary Roach humor.
While I can’t get on board with the jewelry part, I’ve had more than a few cocker spaniel days.
.
.
Oh, who are we kidding? I’ve had cocker spaniel months.
This next page deals with searching for a new home and open houses.
.
.
I used to love to tour open houses, just because. Not that I ever bought any, it’s just a fun way to spend the day.
.
.
So you know I had to…
Some dogs looked happy.
.
.
Some dogs did not.
.
.
Cats? Apparent they rate toast collars.
.
.
But hands down? The winner goes to three olive martini beagle.
.
.
It will serve his owner right to get poked in the eye with that toothpick.
.
.
I have not, nor do I ever intend to read Prince Harry’s book, Spare. While part of me feels sorry for the guy growing up in a cold as ice household and losing his mother when young…. I have no desire to plumb the depths of the royal family’s secrets and peak behind the curtain of the modern monarchy.
It seems everywhere you turn people are talking about this book and while it’s been easy enough to ignore, one article the other day caught my eye … and when that happens? You know I have to share.
Here are a few of the more… how shall we say…colorful excerpts from the infamous book.
.
.
Did the press write extensively about the Royal penis? Gee. I’m glad I missed that.
.
.
You know what? I did ‘shrooms back in the day and never talked to a toilet. Myself? Yes. But then I’m a better conversationalist than most commodes. Or so I’ve been told.
.
.
Not talking about your frostbitten todger at all would have been preferable.
.
.
Sent him off to graze? How delightful.
🥴
.
.
Because the world is a ridiculous place.
.
.
This does not surprise me in the least.
.
.
Men have been obsessed with their one eyed trouser snake since the dawn of time, and now we have proof.
.
.
Why this particular fellow thought his penis would be an appropriate weapon against a charging leopard…. I’m sure I don’t know.
.
.
I can just hear the hippo now… “needs salt”.
.
.
And in case you’re in the mood to let the girls run free?
.
.
Get thee to Cape Cod and jump on a ferry.
.
.
Nantucket winters can be a bit brisk, so be careful you don’t take anyone’s eye out with a quick turn.
.
.
Now there’s something you don’t see everyday.
.
