All posts by Rivergirl

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Ho! Ho! Holy Hell, It’s Elvis!

 

Yes, my friends.

Elvis is alive and well and living in Mid Coast Maine.

 

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He’s also doing a bit of a comb over, but give the guy a break…. he still rocks the sequined jumpsuit.

We ran into Elvis in downtown Bath, where they do an old fashioned Christmas celebration every year.

 

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Just follow the city hall beacon….

 

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And you’ll find ice sculptures….

 

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Live music in art galleries…

(Can we talk about that statue? Is she carrying laundry, or dead bodies? Either way I don’t want her in my living room.)

 

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Stores were open late selling jewelry made from crushed lobster shells…

 

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As well as mussel shells.

(It’s Maine. Go with it…)

 

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The streets were brightly lit…

 

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And I intended to get that way as well.

 

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Three Beekeepers?

Don’t mind if I do….

Sadly, the food was awful at the Bath Brewing Company.

 

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But we did have a senior citizen caroling flash mob…

 

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So the evening wasn’t a total loss.

 

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If only I had asked them where they bought their hats.

 

 

Cleaning out the photo files…

 

A few random shots that are clogging up my computer and not individually blog worthy.

 

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Clearly this t shirt has my name on it..

And someone should purchase it for me forthwith.

 

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Sadly, this also has my name on it.

But hey –

 

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Testify!

In other news, I love a backyard bird sighting.

 

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And though Evening Grosbeaks are common to our area….

 

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We’ve never had them here.

 

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Until now.

 

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And with a pecker photo bomb.

 

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How fun is that?

 

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And finally?

This.

 

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Because yes…

That little bastard needs to go.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A serious question.

Do you really and truly ever know anyone?

Recent events have caused me to question this.

Example #1 –  A very old friend of ours from the Marine Corps days.  A country boy from North Carolina, married his high school sweetheart, 2 beautiful kids, gorgeous farm house, a Christian conservative, loved his momma etc. etc…. Five years ago he dumped them all, moved to D.C. and married a ballsy independent career woman. Bought a large boat, got a high paying new job in financial management… and said he was living the dream. We were shocked. Two weeks ago? He dumped wife #2 and moved on to wife #3, who is younger, blonder and richer. Turns out wife #2 had bailed him out of bankruptcy twice and refused to do it again. He’s turned his back on his kids, doesn’t speak with his family, is head over heels in debt, and has a whole new set of high income drinking friends. I seriously don’t know who this man is. And now I wonder if I ever did. ( And oh, btw? His current job? The Federal Government’s office of financial management. Yay for all of us. )

Example #2 –  I recently reconnected with an old friend from my teenage days. She’s been happily married for 25 years to a guy’s guy.  Flannel shirts and boots, antique auto restorer, always in the garage under an engine. A real grease monkey gear head. In late September he called her into the living room and said he had something to tell her. When she walked in, he was wearing her short black dress, her high heels and way too much of her makeup. He told her he was transitioning into a woman and wanted her to stay in the marriage as a lesbian. She had absolutely no clue! None! And to add insult to injury? The homebody husband who never wanted to go out to dinner, who never touched alcohol, who never took a vacation trip and who hadn’t left the state in 15 years… is out clubbing, dancing, drinking and going away for weekend holidays.

Seriously…

Do we ever really and truly know anyone?

Yay for me.

 

The understanding wife.

I recently celebrated a birthday. (Okay, there was more silent cursing of my advancing years than actual celebrating, but you get the idea.)

The husband had some lovely flowers delivered…

 

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Which have opened quite nicely since then.

 

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As well as a really large card.

 

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The phrase “size doesn’t matter” clearly has no meaning for my other half, as evidenced by his gift.

 

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A monstrously large  (not to mention monstrously expensive)  Breville appliance.

I must have made the mistake of muttering under my breath about needing a new toaster oven recently… because boy, I’ve got one now.

 

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It’s like that old Ginsu knife they used to advertise ad nauseam in the 80’s. It slices, it dices, it cleans your fish.

 

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But… but…

While I appreciate the thought, all I really wanted was toast.

So I unpacked and played with my new toy in between doing hair and makeup and getting ready to go out to dinner as we always do on my  damn it, don’t remind me I’m older  birthday.

Except…. (here comes the understanding wife part) my kind, considerate husband called to say his friend at the office won Bruins tickets and he’d like to go with him down to Boston for the night.

 

 

Yes, he’s a brave soul.

Reasons?

#1…. I turned … never mind what I turned. Suffice it to say it’s generally not an easy age for women.

#2…. I just weaned myself off my estrogen patch a few weeks ago and, have been  experiencing uncontrollable psychotic rages  a little moody.

#3…. I had planned on a few celebratory cocktails. (Which no one should get in the way of and expect to live.)

Regardless, he plowed ahead with all the reasons he should attend while I listened quietly and agreed. The ever understanding wife.

That being said, let me leave you with a word of advice gentlemen….

 

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We women have long memories.

 

Any Arizona WordPressers out there?

 

The husband and I have planned  ( and by that I mean me, all me, nothing but me, he doesn’t do squat ) a trip to Sedona, Arizona in January to celebrate our anniversary.

We’ll have been married 35 years by then, and I figured if the Petrified Forest isn’t an appropriate place to celebrate, nothing is.

 

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(Yeah, that’s pretty much us. Except it’s more like a quarter than two thirds.)

Neither one of us have ever been out that way and aside from visiting all the “must see” spots like the Grand Canyon, Antelope Canyon, Cathedral Rock, the Painted Desert and the aforementioned Forest… I was wondering if any local Arizonians could tell us where to go.

(It’s not often I ask people to tell me where to go….. you should take full advantage.)

 

 

We don’t mind driving long distances and love to explore, though Sedona will be our base at night. We’re up for mild hiking and serious cocktailing. (Okay, that might just be me.)

 

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(Damn, what happens if you’re both?)

So please, drop a comment and tell me where your favorite Arizona places are, what we shouldn’t miss and the best watering holes you know.

Thanks!

 

 

 

Dockside Grille

 

Don’t you love finding a great restaurant?

 

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In a great spot….

 

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With a great view…

 

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And great natural light…

 

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With great lobster art…

 

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And great planters….

 

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As well as great signs?

 

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Not quite.

 

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There were great drinks…

 

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Great crab cakes…

 

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Great mussels…

(So great I only got pictures of the shells.)

 

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More great drinks..

 

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Great salads with rosemary garlic chicken…

 

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And great broiled haddock sandwiches….

 

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But wait, there’s more.

 

 

There was great dessert…

 

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Really, really great Kahlua cake…..

 

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Am I making myself clear here?

 

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Okay, good.

I wasn’t sure I was getting that point across.

 

 

 

Winter’s light… and a squirrel.

 

While winter may not possess the gentle pastels of spring, the bright greens of summer or the glorious burning of autumn….

 

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It does have it’s own unique color.

 

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These pictures were taken out my winter windows.

 

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And to me……

 

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A Mainer….

 

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They’re  just as beautiful as any blooming garden.

 

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Of course I say that from inside the nice warm house….

 

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Not braving the elements like this little guy.

 

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Right hand cold…

 

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Left hand cold…

 

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To hell with this…

Both hands cold.

 

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Spamalot.

 

Everyone hates spam. In all it’s various incarnations….

Our mailboxes are full of it.

 

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Our inboxes are full of it.

 

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Our voice messages are full of it.

 

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And heck, nobody ever liked this kind.

 

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(Yes, I realize you can’t unsee that. You’re welcome.)

So why is it that I get a kick out of WordPress spam?

I mean, seriously… I do. They’re a riot.

Let’s break them down.

Example #1. – From Casino Malaysia

“How’s it going dignifying
anyone, but only oneself. Having a self esteem you
are smart enough to face challenges”

How’s it going? Just fine, thank you for asking. I try to dignify myself at least once a week and like to think I’m smart enough to face challenges. Like figuring out what the hell you’re trying to say.

 

 

 

Example #2 – From 918kiss

“All successful traders possess a solid plan by which to run their business.
If you continue your relationship with one, you alienate the former.
Remain caring and sharing to tie him magnified you.”

So if I care and share, I can tie him up and magnify him? Like Honey, I Shrunk the Kids but in reverse?

 

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Example #3 – From Rollex11 download

“Another is actually that fresh website owners is keyword stuffing wil
read a connected with keywords.”

Huh?

All I got out of this was stuffing.

 

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See?

Comedy gold, for free.

You just have to know where to look.

 

 

 

 

A simple question…

What’s up with Band Aids, and why does the product want me to bleed to death?

Seriously, what did I ever do to them?

I cut myself the other day….

It looked something like that, except my finger was in the way and there was a lot more blood.

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Okay, not that much. But enough so I had to run to the medicine cabinet to try and staunch the bleeding.

Have you ever tried to open a BandAid with one hand?

It’s  harder than Richard Simmons at an all you can eat buffet  not easy.

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And after multiple attempts, some very colorful language and a splatter pattern on the walls and floor certain to stump CSI….

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I gave up and wrapped my finger in a paper towel, cursing the Band Aid brand and it’s ridiculous packaging.

And as I was cleaning up the spilled blood? I swore I heard…. somewhere in a Highland Park, New Jersey cemetery…. Earle Dickson laughing.

(Earle Dickson invented the BandAid in 1920 for his wife who was always cutting herself in the kitchen. Clearly, he wanted her to bleed out as well.)

(Serious research there friends. I just don’t phone these posts in…..)

Let’s talk about poop.

 

( Bet you’re wishing I was still on vacation, eh?)

I was Christmas shopping with a friend the other day and we noticed a disturbing trend…

 

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I passed off the first sighting of a poop themed gift as a fluke.

 

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But then I saw this…

 

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And this.

 

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And while I admit a hovering pile of poop drone might be inventive, even slightly creative….. I can’t honestly say I want one flying overhead anytime soon.

I also do not want to stack, or write with poop.

 

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And if that just wasn’t enough poop to satisfy you…

How about some pink girly poop?

 

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Made all the more disturbing by the cryptic packaging.

What the hell is going on there….

Is that a mouth with teeth?

Are you supposed to chew the poop?

Or is the poop coming out of the nostrils?

 

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Right.

And mind you these were not seen in toy stores, where at least a fondness for poop could be explained….but in adult sections of book stores and various department stores in the mall.

Anyway you look at it, it’s disgusting. Or at the very least… childishly stupid. I gave up potty humor at age 4, you should too.

I know the world may seem like it’s going down the toilet lately, but this is one gift giving idea I hope gets flushed.