Tag Archives: humor

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So close….

21 Comments

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I took Lord Dudley Mountcatten out in the snow for round two last week and after a few false starts…

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He accepted the white stuff was cold, wet and crunchy but if one is careful, it can be navigated.

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Careful tiptoeing continued… until he spotted my nemesis.

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While I normally don’t encourage carnage or blood sport, all bets are off when it comes to that house/barn/garage gnawing red bitch.

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I was actively encouraging the stalk and made sure to stand motionless and quiet.

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But alas, she out maneuvered us and hid in the woodshed. No doubt sharpening her teeth in between chuckles.

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Lord Dudley was disheartened, not to mention cold… so round two of ‘introduction to snow’ came to a close.

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Stupid products to start the New Year off wrong.

25 Comments

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2022 may be a brand new year, but there are still plenty of leftover stupid products to choose from.

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Why not just wear your husband’s jock strap and call it good?

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The banana bed is trending everywhere?

Lord Dudley Mountcatten disagrees… and would never be caught dead in one.

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So I’ve been wasting time and money taking acupuncture treatments twice a week when all I should be doing is walking on rocks? Why didn’t anyone tell me!

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Because the spork is so passé.

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Okay, you got me.

The Nachosaurus is simply delightful.

😊

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My favorite new algorithm.

19 Comments

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Ball wash and banana hammocks be damned… my Facebook feed has finally found an ad campaign I can get behind.

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Meet Peanut, the Nuts.com squirrel.

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He’s not red, not gray.

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But whatever he is, Peanut is a definite step up from the usual crap that pollutes my page.

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Welcome Peanut.

Here’s hoping you and your nuts drown out the testicle hygiene products for months to come.

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Would you like ice with that?

23 Comments

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Winter in Maine used to look like this:

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Oh, the good old days when it got cold and stayed that way until spring. Yes, back in the dark ages before our climate developed whiplash – it snowed, stayed cold enough for the snow to stick and then it snowed some more.

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Making for some fabulously shaped mounds of white stuff. But these days? We have a small storm, maybe an inch or two… then the temperature warms to the high 30’s or 40’s during the day and everything melts.

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And when the temperature swings back down?

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Ice.

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Everywhere.

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On every thing.

And while that does result in some rather stellar icicles…

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It also makes walking on our skating rink of a driveway seriously treacherous.

Keep your warm weather down south and out west!

It’s winter in Maine The only melting ice I want is in my cocktail.

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No! Not the children..

38 Comments

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It’s well established that I am not a fan of that horrible green leaf called kale.

I don’t like kale chips or drink kale smoothies, so stop asking.

I won’t eat it and you can’t make me, no matter how constant the bombardment.

So imagine my horror when I saw the advertisement for this abomination of a product….

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No!

Not the children!

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A kale chew toy?

Wouldn’t that be more suited for a dog?

What the utter Hell!

😳

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News headlines I could happily have done without reading.

22 Comments

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It’s been a shitshow of a year hasn’t it?

While I normally roll with the punches, I have to admit sitting here on the last day of 2021 has got me a trifle depressed. Our lives have been put on hold for too long and I’m more than ready to disconnect the pause button.

With that in mind, reading the news probably wasn’t the best idea… but what the hell. How much worse could it be?

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*Note to self – don’t ever ask that question*

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Of course it will. I would expect nothing less.

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I’ve never been on a cruise, and to be honest that type of vacation never interested me. ‘Floating petri dish’ has done nothing to change my mind.

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Apparently NASA is going to rent space stations from private companies in the future. I don’t even want to know how many billions of dollars will literally go up in smoke when the current station goes poof.

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Is that what I look like in my skinny jeans?

Now I really am depressed.

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A recipe book for the rest of us.

18 Comments

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In general I’d say I’m a good cook. People like to come over for dinner, my dishes are requested at potlucks, and Lord knows my husband doesn’t complain. But every once in a while I’ll try a new recipe and things will…. how shall we say? … go astray.

I read the directions, I do just what they say… but the result is often inedible.

Perhaps I need this:

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I wouldn’t count on it, but let’s see.

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Who knew there was such a thing.

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Cheese? Good.

Kale? Bad.

Got it!

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I’m afraid I can’t follow that rule. Growing up with a father who died after his fifth heart attack… and living with a man who has had triple bypass, I don’t add salt to anything.

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Well, if the lobster says so… it must be true.

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Always read the reviews!

17 Comments

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After careful consideration… I decided I needed some festive chickens for next year’s Christmas display.

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I mean really, how could I not? They’re delightful.

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I have to admit I was a bit put off by the price. $63 per bird seemed a trifle much.

It was then I decided to read the product reviews and see if the clucking things were worth it.

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A bright light of nothingness? How could that be! They looked so wonderful in the ad.

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Well that is a seriously disappointing hen to be sure.

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It’s…. flat.

Exactly how flat?

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Flatter than my high C note when I’m singing in the shower flat.

And no one wants that.

🥴

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