Tag Archives: time

When you have way too much time on your hands…

 

I saw an article the other day about all the amazing things people are doing with the spare time the pandemic shutdowns are providing them.

Some were worth while.

Others?

You decide.

 

 

Did Rufus McToofus need his very own adirondack chair to celebrate accordingly?

Probably not.

 

 

 

 

That’s so special it hurts.

 

 

Just…. wow.

What do you suppose those ducks are posting on social media? Can someone please investigate and report back. I’d hate for those ducks to have a more interesting blog than mine.

 

 

Finally….

A worthy use of time.

Because I have too much time on my hands this afternoon.

 

If you have predictive text on your cell phone, grab it and let’s play.

Remember The Princess Bride movie?

No, I don’t either. But apparently there’s a quotable line from the film that goes like this….

 

e987b5d603ed50d3e348f0c2b5890853

 

So a Facebook friend of mine tagged me to play the 2020 version.

Start texting My name is…..

You killed my….

Prepare to….

And let predictive text do the rest.

 

My results:

My name is not the big barn.  ( seriously, that’s what I got! )

You killed my husband and he didn’t even know.  ( it’s true he’s not very observant, but still. )

Prepare to be a little more than the kale.  ( I seriously hope I’m a lot more than that foul weed. )

Not kidding, that’s what it said.

 

IMG_E4621

 

Apparently my iPhone is freakishly tuned in to my life.

Which if I stopped laughing, might make me a little worried.

 

download

 

 

 

Behold the majesty.

 

The majesty  (and the God damn miracle I’m not divorced)  that is the completed baby barn remodel.

And yes even though it’s as small as a shed, there was a horse living in it before we moved in, so it’s a barn.

A baby barn.

And I have the hay holder thingies to prove it.

 

 

Please note ‘hay holder thingies’ may not be the correct equine term, but I was born in Jersey. The only thing I know about horses is who placed in the fourth at Belmont.

We started with this….

 

IMG_4776

 

And finished with this….

 

IMG_4084

 

Looks a little better than before, eh?

No comments on the empty garden bed, that has yet to be redone.

Before….

 

IMG_4775

 

After…

 

IMG_4082

 

Before….

 

IMG_4774

 

After….

 

 

And to think it only took us a 10 mere months.

 

IMG_4085

 

Which shouldn’t be a surprise.

We started it’s larger father in 2012…. and haven’t really finished that yet either.

 

rush

 

Yup.

That’s our motto.

 

Should I be worried?

 

As a rule, my husband is not a reader.

At work he has to read dry as dust government documents and regulations all day long …. so for relaxation at home? It’s usually mindless television.

He does however keep a steady supply of magazines for perusing while on the throne.

And since my late aunt ran a department at Time/Life, Time magazine has always been a staple.

My question is….

 

 

Should I be worried by what he’s reading this week?

 

Oh, no… Hell no.

 

Women will try anything to keep their skin looking supple and smooth. The illusion of youth is a powerfully motivating force.

And while I admit to buying my fair share of high priced creams and lotions in a feeble attempt to push back the hand of time…. even I have a limit.

Here it is:

 

IMG_2545

 

Yes…

Snail mucus.

 

IMG_2546

 

Because someone, somewhere, at sometime saw this…..

 

slime4

 

And thought, yup….

I got to get me some of that!

 

images4RCIEOSO

 

Day 15… Small bathrooms and antique store Hell, where River reexamines how much she really loves her husband.

 

I woke up on our last full day of vacation in Williamsburg, Virginia  (Yes, we’re finally there!)  cursing our second resort’s small bathrooms.

 

IMG_2354

 

I mean… come on.

For a girl with big hair this is a very small space to make the magic happen.

And the shower?

 

IMG_2355

 

One teeny tiny shelf!

I had to put the rest of my things on the floor.

 

imagesZS9Y1V9U

 

We started the day at the husband’s favorite breakfast spot where he was now greeted with ”The guy who wants two plates of chipped beef on toast is here”.

 

IMG_2356

 

And seeing that we’d had 2 full weeks of doing everything I wanted to do, I thought it prudent to throw the husband a bone and let him pick our last day’s activities.

 

IMG_2358

 

As expected, that bit me in the ass.

 

IMG_2383

 

He chose the Williamsburg Antique Mall… and let me tell you, that’s a whole lotta mall.

I have never in my life seen so much  useless crap  stuff  in one place. It went on forever, aisle after aisle after aisle. The husband was in heaven.

 

IMG_2367

 

Oh, there were some interesting things.

 

IMG_2359

 

And some seriously hideous things.

 

IMG_2362

 

It was hard, but I managed to pass on this quartz rooster head.

 

IMG_2360

 

And the Christmas tree in a shoe.

 

IMG_2365

 

But damn, at the one hour mark we’d only managed to cover a little corner of the place.

 

 

The building was so huge it had push button call stations for help because it was too damned long a walk back to the front to find a sales clerk.

 

IMG_2368

 

Two hours in there was a drunken Santa….

 

IMG_2371

 

And some of the money the husband used during the Vietnam War.

 

IMG_2364

 

Three hours in there was a pair of wolves on skis…

 

IMG_2374

 

The ice cube trays I cursed with every breath as a child….

 

IMG_2372

 

And some questionable artwork complete with psychedelic chickens.

 

IMG_2361

 

Four hours in there were Civil War era hats and a saleslady who gave me a piece of paper to write down the aisle number, the booth number, the case number and a description of each article we had questions about because no one ever remembers what was where. If you look in the upper left hand corner of the picture you’ll see my hand clutching it.

And no, I wasn’t going to give it to the husband …. I’m not stupid.

The husband?

Happier than the proverbial pig in shit.

 

IMG_2380

 

Rusty tools….

Rusty tools everywhere!

 

IMG_2376

 

I passed on more vintage chickens.

 

IMG_2375 (1)

 

And wondered who this wide eyed Santa was going to poke with that…. that….

Whatever the heck that was.

At the four and a half hour mark I had to use the rest room.

 

IMG_2363

 

Where I did indeed flush my hopes and dreams of ever leaving this place down the toilet.

 

IMG_2395

 

There was definitely something for everyone.

 

IMG_2378

 

Even if some of the price tags made you gasp.

Five hours in I told the husband I was too hungry to continue and we needed to go get some lunch.

 

IMG_2389

 

Yeah.

My worst nightmare came true….

They had a cafe.

 

imagesXNQTNG8U

 

Where we had tiny overpriced sandwiches and frozen solid fruit to fortify us for more hours of antique shopping.

 

IMG_2390

 

 

It was at this point I knew we’d never leave.

I was doomed.

 

IMG_2373

 

Too late for that warning…. the husband has had it for years.

 

IMG_2369

 

He was bound and determined to see every last item in this store or die trying.

And by this time I was happily planning his demise.

 

IMG_2391

 

Yikes.

Paging Morticia Addams….

 

IMG_2384

 

And holy crap.

Who in their right mind wants that hanging on their wall?

 

IMG_2399

 

Six hours in I found a bug collection….

 

IMG_2393

 

Some chicken humor…

 

IMG_2388

 

And part of the line to check out.

These people took a number…. and have probably been waiting since June 13, 1976.

 

IMG_2370

 

But the husband was still going strong.

 

IMG_2403

 

And if I told you how many rusty old pesticide sprayers we have in the barn already? You’d fear for my safety.

 

IMG_2405

 

Here’s proof positive there’s a magazine for everything.

 

IMG_2400

 

And a painting that contains fish bones.

You’re welcome.

 

IMG_2406

 

SEVEN HOURS  in and we weren’t even 2/3’s of the way through.

 

IMG_2404

 

I knew he wasn’t going to leave without buying something, but by then I’d reached my limit of  utterly useless crap  antique shopping.

I was on board with the old phone. It could have been fun in the barn…. when he builds that bar he keeps talking about.

You know, the bar he can’t build because he has too much utterly useless crap  stuff in the way.

 

IMG_2402 (2)

 

Eight hours in?

I was silently screaming FFS….just pick something and let’s go!

Or maybe I said it out loud, I can’t remember.

 

IMG_2408

 

So there it is, the result of 8 hours of antique mall shopping.

A giant glass water bottle to add to the other 20 or so giant glass water bottles he currently has collecting cobwebs.

 

 

I love him.

I do.

And as long as I keep telling myself that I’ll be fine.