Tag Archives: fish

Who needs these things?

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I certainly don’t, but maybe some of you might…

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Who’s going to order these? Fess up, I know someone will.

But please, don’t post pictures.

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I love a good roast beef sandwich as much as the next girl…. but soaking in beef juice bubbles? Hard pass.

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I don’t wish I could wear those outside. Nope. Not one little bit.

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If you’re that one friend? Please unfollow me immediately.

*gag*

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Let’s play… a two-fer.

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No, I haven’t run out of these yet.

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Hmm… Black Haddock has possibilities.

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And it’s better than yesterday’s… Blue HoHo.

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That’s easy….

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I know it’s a staple of childhood sandwiches and a good source of protein as an adult, but I completely despise the stuff. The mere smell of it makes me nauseated. I don’t care if you cover it in chocolate… I’m not eating it.

Nope.

Uh uh.

Never.

And if my husband comes at me with that nasty nut breath? I’m not kissing him either.

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Things you might need, or not.

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If you’ve been paying attention, you’ll know I love cheese. And soft ripened French cheese? Ooh la la!

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But Camembert cheese potato chips? Be still my artery clogged heart!

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If not for the fact that these are probably laden with chemicals and enough sugar to sweeten a lemon grove…. they might be fun.

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Wow. This has got to win the ugliest lamp ever award.

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And disappointingly, just when I was thinking of ordering one as a gag gift…. I read a bunch of comments saying it was fake.

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I love steampunk, but judging from the price on their website I’m guessing they’re right.

Damn. It might have looked great on the bar.

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I’ve plugged a lot of things into my computer, but never a tuna.

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This has got to be the most bizarre cat toy ever.

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And while I have to admit plugging a fish into my computer does hold a certain attraction….

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I think it’s safe to say the minute that fish started flapping Lord Dudley would run for the hills.

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But damn, look how joyful it made this particular feline.

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Should we further contemplate why this cat is so deliriously happy to have a vibrating tuna on his lap?

I think not.

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I should have known this was coming.

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The Barn Mahal is the gift that keeps on giving. It grows. It changes. It morphs into something I no longer recognize as a barn.

Why do I say this?

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Because last week my husband took me shopping for the next addition to his man cave extraordinaire.

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Yes.

He wants a refrigerator.

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And because he’s a man who demands instant gratification, he wanted to go home with it that day… which we quickly discovered was impossible. Thank you Covid 19…. yet another reason you suck.

All the refrigerators pictured on this blog, every last one of the small barn appropriate models that were on the display floor?

Unavailable.

It was enough to send us to our local pub for a drink… or two, and lunch.

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Which for me was a massive fried haddock sandwich with homemade onion rings. For the husband?

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A tool box and the light filtering blind we bought for the window we always sit in front of. The sun shines through it something fierce and we were tired of our bartender talking to us with his hand over his eyes.

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For this kindness we refused payment… support your local businesses!…but received 4 free drinks when the bill was presented.

A win win.

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And then it was back to the elusive we’ll show it to you but you can’t have it, neener neener refrigerator shopping.

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The absolutely only one anyone had in stock was this small, wonderfully inexpensive model.

The husband vetoed that. Not enough room for beer.

So we spent a fruitless day, visited 7 stores and ended up coming home to order this one online.

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Ample beer storage will be had…

But not for a week or two.

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I have questions.

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My first question is why I even bother going to Wal Mart in the first place? For a store that claims to have everything, they rarely… if ever… have what I need.

Bird seed?

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Nope.

Is there a new Covid 19 shopping panic I don’t know about? Are preppers stocking their bunkers with sunflower seed and suet now? I mean really… every single time I go Wal Mart… specifically for bird seed… the shelves are bare. It’s beyond annoying.

While I was there this time I also looked for individual au gratin baking dishes, because ya know… River needs to bake some fancy fish.

Nope. Couldn’t find any.

The rude gum smacking purple haired helpful sales associate I finally tracked down and asked told me there was no such thing… but I could find the potatoes on aisle 12.

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Sheets?

Our niece wanted some flowered ones for her dorm room… but Wal Mart said no can do.

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Flowers?

Forget about it. Plain grey, beige and navy. It was the same blah color scheme of that furniture store I visited a while back. And hey, I understand trends as much as the next girl… but what happened to something for everyone?

Feeling totally discouraged, I searched for one more thing.

A simple thing. A thing surely every Wal Mart in America carries.

A sweatshirt for the husband…

But did I find one?

I think you know the answer to that.

There was one lone sweatshirt in the men’s department. A size small… in bright red.

* note to Wal Mart stockers – get with the program! It’s Maine. We need bird seed, sweatshirts and fancy fish bakers. *

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I love my town.

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And I love what people post on its Facebook page.

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Oh no.

If you see it?  Please tell it we serve a daily and nightly buffet free of charge.

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I’m not exactly sure what constitutes ‘groovy’ lamb.

But I’m pretty sure this isn’t it.

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images

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Jumping orangey peach colored fish?

Thanks 2020. Like this year wasn’t weird enough.

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I have to admit I’d never even heard of letterboxing before.

Sounds like a perfect Covid era activity though.

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Normally I’d say friend.

But it’s 2020, for all we know that thing is radioactive.

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A giant vacuum cleaner?

Well, yeah.  They want us to social distance…  so just stick the hose end into your local pub and switch her on.

Products no one needs.

 

I know we’ve all become lazy housebound sods who can’t be bothered to put on pants during the pandemic, but this?

 

 

This is a bridge too far.

The day I’m too lazy to stir my own pan you have permission to slit my throat, fill it with kale and put me out of my misery.

And while I’m all for cocktails?

 

 

 

I have absolutely no intention of sharing my margaritas with llamas.

Nope.

Not happening.

 

 

 

Oh, yeah.

Kitty Hitler looks positively thrilled.

 

 

 

Let’s ponder this for a moment.

Someone thought about, invented, pitched, found investment capital and marketed….. a hammock for fish.

Is this a great country or what!

And finally…. when your dog no longer needs his collar of shame?

 

 

Viola!

You can re-purpose it in the kitchen.

You’re welcome.

It ain’t what it used to be.

 

Going out for a seafood dinner certainly has changed in recent months.

Gone are the charming restaurants with lovely oceanfront views. Gone are the meticulously crafted cocktails and professional wait staff.

These days?

 

 

It’s a long line of cars idling at the curb waiting to cue up to a traveling roach coach.

 

 

While this would normally not be the least bit appealing, I was quite sick of cooking last week and one of the husband’s friends swore this seafood was good, plentiful and reasonably priced.

 

 

From the size of the crowds you’d think the circus had come to town.

People be desperate.

We waited 20 minutes in the car parade, 10 minutes for a girl to take our order, and another 20 minutes for the food.

50 minutes without a martini?

Is not my idea of dinner out.

 

 

To say I should have known it would be bad is trite…. but oh, so true.

For slightly over $30?

 

 

I received 2 absolutely disgusting and totally inedible crab cakes…. while the husband frantically tried to find a section of fish in the foot thick batter.

Disappointing doesn’t begin to describe that rancid grease drenched mess.

Bad seafood is always bad.

But this?

 

I knew that Flounder was watching me.

 

You just can’t make this stuff up.

 

Beware the Haddock.

 

If you know anything about DARPA, you’ll know that creating a James Bond mackerel is one of their least crazy ideas.

Recruiting fish and shrimp as espionage agents?

Why not. They’ve launched a brain computer interface and are engineering buildings that would grow and repair themselves.

After that, a Jason Bourne eel is child’s play.

 

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