Tag Archives: headlines

Uncategorized

News you can’t use.

32 Comments

.

Because regular news is so depressing these days.

.

.

I heard the rat is now drinking Bud Light and filing for unemployment while living in his mother’s basement. His podcast is scheduled to go live next Saturday.

.

.

Because everything needs an update, even Jesus.

.

.

I’m on the fence with this one. Please try it for me and report back.

.

.

Is it a shoe? Is it a bag? What’s going on here….

.

.

Cheese in individual plastic wrappers is not cheese. It’s orange dyed rubber and should be banned from kitchens everywhere. Do yourself a favor and make your grilled sandwich from a nice Gruyère or Vermont cheddar. Your taste buds will thank me.

.

Uncategorized

News you can’t use.

24 Comments

.

Because news you can use is usually depressing.

.

.

If you’re ready for your mind to be blown, look up this artist and his beyond bizarre house. Everything is doodled, even the toilet.

.

.

Okay, I don’t feel so bad about my outdated Shake and Bake now.

.

.

I take it back about not being depressing. That’s the very definition of sad.

.

.

In local news there were no takers on this generous offer. Please don’t tell my husband.

.

.

And while I enjoy creepy Halloween decorations as much as the next girl? That’s a hard Hell no to disembodied demon doll heads.

Yikes!

😬

.

Uncategorized

News you can’t use.

31 Comments

.

Seriously, no one needs to know this stuff.

.

.

After reading that, I’ve come to the conclusion my beloved Red Sox are just phoning it in. Rather like their playing this season.

.

.

Yeah, right. Do they think I haven’t seen Children of the Corn?

.

.

A three foot long earthworm? That’s a large amount of ick factor.

.

.

Of course it is.

.

.

I’m going to have to take their word for that.

.

.

Thank you, but no.

.

Uncategorized

News you can’t use.

22 Comments

.

You can’t use it, but if it entertains you… I’ll settle for that.

.

.

That’s something you don’t see everyday.

.

.

I’ll take him for a seat companion any day.

.

.

I’ve probably seen them all already, but sure.

.

.

My husband plogs every time we walk. He even carries a trash bag in his pocket.

.

.

Clever ad campaign, but I’m still only buying two shoes at a time.

.

.

Good on you Fido. I’m sure you would have beaten me as well.

.

Uncategorized

News you can’t use.

9 Comments

.

And if you can use it? I’m sorry.

.

.

I haven’t read it, nor do I have any intention of reading it, but damn. That doesn’t sound pleasant.

.

.

Duly noted.

.

.

I never understand people who linger there to read or play with their devices. I adore reading… but there are more comfortable seats in the house.

.

.

That was one busy trio.

.

.

Yes, you read that correctly.

.

.

I’m proud to say my liquor consumption did not waver during the pandemic… and rest assured, I continue to do my part to shore up America’s potent potable economy.

😉

.

Uncategorized

News you can’t use.

20 Comments

.

This week’s headlines fall under the I really didn’t need to know that category.

.

.

Sorry, but I can’t answer that question. My algorithms are bizarre enough as it is…. I didn’t click because I don’t need to be flooded with vaginal tightening ads.

.

.

Ditto that for this poor woman.

.

.

And this one as well.

.

.

Sorry, but this makes me very glad we don’t have children.

.

.

The fecal-oral route?

That’s a highway I’m definitely going to avoid.

.

Uncategorized

News you can’t use.

10 Comments

.

If you ever can use this news? My apologies, that’s never been the intent.

.

.

What… you thought they built those pyramids sober?

.

.

I’d like to say this is a joke and laugh, but it’s true and not the least bit funny.

.

.

I’m having visions of lobsters flitting to and to fro from plant to plant under the sea… and it’s quite delightful.

.

.

No side effects from climate change my ass.

.

.

At this point he’s got my vote, dude.

.

Uncategorized

News you can’t use.

14 Comments

.

You might not be able to use it, but these things must be shared.

.

.

No, not the Walking Dead kind… just zombie viral genomes. They don’t have a tv show but are still pretty impressive.

.

.

That’s one bad ass prehistoric goldfish.

.

.

There’s an America’s Best Restroom contest. How did I not know this? What are the categories… most comfortable commode? Most elbow room in a stall? Most stylish tampon dispenser? I need to know!

.

.

Am I the only one who finds this disturbing?

.

.

I.

Can’t.

Even.

😳

.

Uncategorized

News you can’t use.

25 Comments

.

You can’t use it, but read it anyway.

.

.

Do not piss off a camel. Got it!

Funny story…. back in the early 80’s my Marine Corps husband ported in Israel for two weeks while on a med float. Not one to hit the dive bars… he toured Jerusalem, Masada and swam in the Dead Sea. He also rode a camel.

.

.

Said camel did not bite him, but it did make its displeasure known and spit on him quite frequently.

.

.

Deal me out. I don’t care how pretty your deck of cards is, a night spent discussing weight gain, mood swings and hot flashes is not my idea of a good time.

.

.

I don’t watch Tik Tok videos. And now I know why…

.

.

Why is this weasel still talking?

.

.

He’s a reprehensible human being and should crawl back into the hole from whence he came.

.

.

They’re going to have to go a long way to beat or even equal the original. But I’m psyched! And ready to watch them try.

.

Uncategorized

News you can’t use.

26 Comments

.

Or maybe you can. Who am I to judge?

.

.

Unbearable heat. Sink holes that can swallow your house. Hurricanes. Anacondas and boa constrictors in the waterways. Now there are giant snails? Makes me glad I’m at the other end of I-95.

.

.

Did she hide them in her hair? If so, it’s easy to see how she got away with it for so long….

.

.

This guy had a period for 20 years and didn’t know it. Bloating and homicidal mood swings weren’t enough to make him wonder?

.

.

This doesn’t surprise me at all. Matter of fact, I’ve known a few guys like that myself…

.