Tag Archives: humor

Uncategorized

News you can’t use.

25 Comments

.

Because I like to keep my readers well informed. .

.

.

This is good news. Next time the husband ignores me while watching some ludicrous old western on tv? I’m going outside to talk to the ‘shrooms.

.

.

For the love of God, why? Who would buy such a thing…

.

.

You heard it folks, move fast.

Like you have to after each and every time you eat at McDonalds.

.

.

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say if you have a 36 foot yacht? You’re probably not that worried about work in the first place.

.

.

Yes, from the people who brought you How To Bake A Potato … the sequel.

Wash sweet potato.

Pierce sweet potato.

Bake sweet potato.

Riveting stuff… no?

🥴

Uncategorized

Can I call a time out?

23 Comments

.

Being in my fifties and happily married for 38 years, I admit there are days when my normal beauty routine takes a back seat to comfort, convenience and a why bother attitude. My pedicure is in need of a touch up and no, it wouldn’t hurt to retire those comfy yoga pants that are wearing a bit thin in places.

Our house is a no judgement zone but clearly my news feed is not. They’re constantly bombarding me with ridiculous articles and ads pushing the idea that I’ll never be pretty, thin or young enough.

.

.

I have special conditioners for my hair, my face, my hands and my feet… for the love of God, I do not need one for my eyebrows.

.

.

I fear for this generation. I really do.

.

.

Did they really say mature women with a straight face? No one wants to see mature women in a pair of Daisy Dukes and a sleeveless top cut down to there. Don’t believe me? Go shopping at Wal Mart on a warm summer afternoon.

😳

.

Uncategorized

A new twist.

29 Comments

.

During a recent shopping trip with a friend, we ducked into Macaroni Grill for lunch. It wasn’t our first choice, but after trying four other restaurants and being told it would be an hour wait due to short staffing…. we figured any port in the storm would do.

After a mediocre lukewarm meal that arrived late and with the wrong vegetables, the bill was presented. Now I don’t know about your part of the world, but here in Maine restaurants are having a hard time staying afloat since no one wants to work. There are no waitresses, no hostesses, no busboys, no cooks. Every where you go has the same issues. They apologize for it when you enter and we’ve come to expect the worst. What I didn’t expect was this:

.

.

A little inflation surcharge they sneak in without telling you.

And hey, don’t get me wrong…. I understand prices are up everywhere, and naturally the increase in the cost of food has to be passed along to the consumer. But this sure seems like a strange way to do it.

.

Uncategorized

What’s in a name?

33 Comments

.

As you know, it was me who named the current descendant of an Egyptian God in residence at Casa River.

.

.

I chose ‘Lord Dudley Mountcatten’ as he seemed quite regal, even from day one. But I’ve taken nothing but flak from my husband who thinks it’s a ridiculous moniker and refuses to use it. Every time I introduce his Lordship to a friend? The husband snorts, informs our friend he had nothing to do with the weird name and says ,”I call him Buddy”.

And while my other half has given me a lot of grief for my name choice in the last year, today I was vindicated.

Today I read an article about a national contest for the weirdest pet name, and though a cat from Maine won….

.

.

It was not Lord Dudley Mountcatten.

.

.

So take that spouse of 38 years! And consider yourself lucky the name Pickles McButterpants the Muffin Slayer was already being used.

.

Uncategorized

F.Y.I.

25 Comments

.

Since reaching the advanced age of 58, there are times I find myself woefully out of touch.

I don’t know many of the new artists on the charts and I’m sure I don’t have any of the hip new trends in my closet.

So it shouldn’t come as any surprise that I was also blissfully unaware which emojis are being used in the drug trade these days.

.

.

The red maple leaf is the universal symbol for drugs. Has anyone told Canada?

While the money bags make sense for a dealer, and the 🍪 for large batch is cute in a disturbing kind of way…

.

.

Someone needs to explain to me why Percocet and oxycodone rate a banana. Because at my advanced age bananas mean fiber and extra potassium… and I can’t see anyone getting high on that.

🍌

.

Uncategorized

Of baseball and cheap chicken.

14 Comments

.

Spring is back… and so is baseball!

.

.

Though the evil empire managed to beat my beloved Sox two out of three at Yankee Stadium in the opening series. I fear for our bull pen this year, but we have good bats, so my fingers are crossed for a good year.

.

.

I continue to be astounded by the cheap prices at the meat counter at the military commissary in Bangor.

.

.

We’re making a once a month pilgrimage and if I buy nothing but beef, chicken and pork it’s well worth the drive.

.

.

But finding the laundry detergent that costs me $17 at the grocery store for $9? That makes me one extremely happy shopper.

And lastly, because it’s been a while….

.

.

Required cute photo of Lord Dudley Mountcatten.

.

Uncategorized

This inventor must have a death wish.

18 Comments

.

As if the cat bathing kit I posted about the other day wasn’t bad enough, some moron has come up with a muzzle.

.

.

Grooming restraint? Anti meow? I don’t know about that, but I can guarantee there’s going to be some biting in your future if you attempt to put this on our cat.

.

.

How often do you walk your cat around the neighborhood?

.

.

Oh look, it works in the shower as well. Not. The photos can’t be real. Those cats are either heavily sedated or long dead and stuffed.

.

.

Amen to that!

.

Uncategorized

Because apparently sleeping can be dangerous.

31 Comments

.

It’s official,

I have reached that age.

.

.

I woke up the other morning with a slight pain on the left side of my neck… but didn’t think much about it and went about my day.

Until I couldn’t.

Until I realized the mere act of sleeping has rendered me into a blubbering idiot positively alight with pain. It seems I pinched a nerve and holy hell does it hurt. 24 hour burning, tingling, numbness and sharp spasms of agony every time I move my head. I’ve never pinched a nerve before and let me tell you, I don’t want to do it again.

The doctor said to alternate cold packs and the heating pad, take ibuprofen for swelling, rest, sit up straight to correct my overall posture and perform this series of exercises.

.

.

I’m doing all that and nothing helps. After reading it can take 6-8 weeks to heal I’m quasi suicidal… so what have you got? Ever experienced this, and if so what did you do for relief? At this point I’m open to all cures… so please include your witch doctor’s phone number or voodoo priestess’s email.

.

.

Uncategorized

Oh deer.

5 Comments

.

Don’t you hate it when someone beats you to the buffet line?

.

.

The only thing you can do is use your superior size to muscle out the competition.

.

.

Or so I’ve heard.

The next two pictures aren’t the best quality…blame my zoom lens and our resident buck’s propensity for showing up at dusk…. but I thought someone might be interested to see the antler shedding process.

.

.

One half gone, one to go. Talk about being lopsided.

.

.

Right after the shed. What’s left are big boney bumps with an active blood flow.

It always looks painful to me, but I’m assured it’s not. Though how any anter-less naturalist can vouch for that I don’t know.

.