Tag Archives: humor

Home Depot horror.

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The husband plans on stripping another section of our leaking roof this weekend and wanted me to go on the Home Depot website to check on shingles. As I brought up the site on my phone, Lord Dudley jumped on my lap and screwed up my search.

What he chose was beyond disturbing.

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What the utter Hell?

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I’ve always disliked lawn “art” and garden gnomes are at the top of that list …. but a naked, beer swilling elf named Otto?

I can’t even.

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As seen in Wal Mart.

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I’m not a fan of Wal Mart, but in my neck of the woods it’s the best and cheapest place to buy the hundreds of pounds of bird seed our greedy avian friends devour.

On this trip I needed milk and bread… which meant I had to traverse the entire store from left front corner to right rear corner because Wal Mart is nothing if not an evil marketer.

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Sandwich meat?

Not today.

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Breadless breading?

No thank you.

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And while I never, ever buy meat at Wally World…

This package of “premium pork steak” ensured I’ll never even be tempted.

🤢

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Explanation needed.

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Advertisers will tell you anything to get you to purchase their products, no matter how ridiculous the claim.

Take this one for example….

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Self cleaning sheets.

Please explain how that’s going to work…. because I’m sure a lot of rent by the hour motels would be interested.

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Hip therapy?

I’m sorry, but that looks more like a leather chastity belt to me.

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This has gotten out of hand.

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Climate change. One of the most important issues of our time.

Waters are warming, ice caps are shrinking, forests are burning. Hurricanes are more frequent, icebergs are melting, deserts are expanding. The precious ozone layer is being destroyed and temperatures are rising.

We know it, and yet most of us don’t care.

Well now hear this:

It’s beginning to affect the wine. …

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And shit just got real.

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Oh! The horror….

😱

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Well, that’s one way to cope.

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We’ve all had enough of the Covid 19 pandemic. Lockdowns, masks, travel restrictions, vaccine wars and toilet paper shortages have definitely taken their toll on the collective sanity. And while we’ve all tried to cope the best way we can… one woman has a slightly different method.

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Hmm.

I’ve been out of the loop lately. Are sun powered orgasms the new thing?

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I can’t honestly say solar vibrator ranks high on my global plague survival list, but then again… what do I know?

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If you’d like to read more:

https://www.theguardian.com/travel/2021/oct/02/sun-powered-orgasms-desert-cave-stephanie-theobald

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Thanks again Covid 19.

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The husband has been trying to talk me into trading in my 2014 Subaru Forester for years now. But I love Ethel, and she only has 64,000 gentle miles, so I keep saying no.

Determined to prove that now is the perfect time to upgrade, I allowed him to drag me to a dealership to check out the 2022 models. There was only one problem.

There aren’t any 2022 models.

We checked 4 dealerships, but due to chip shortages and shipping backlogs the closest they could show me was a 2021 loaner of an entirely different grade.

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The husband insisted we test drive it, which we did. And while I admit it was newer and a bit peppier than mine, I was less than thrilled with the new energy conserving process that shuts off the engine every time you idle at a stop light. While the actual shutting down was smooth, the restart was jarring and bound to be annoying over time. They told us we could disable the feature, but it would have to be done every single time we drove as it resets to default.

For $38,000 plus? I said no thanks. But the husband was pushing me to order a new one and wait God knows how many months to get it….

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So he dragged me into the salesman’s office and had them appraise Ethel for a trade.

My Ethel.

I understand she’s 7 years old.. but she has low mileage and is loaded (with heated leather seats, back up camera, Nav and panoramic moon roof). My absolutely perfect Ethel… who Kelly Blue Book says has a trade in value of $16,500 and a private sale value of $17,800?

They offered us $10,000.

And that was all it took for my husband to be insulted, leave and stop badgering me to trade my vehicle.

Thank you Covid 19. Your virus induced shortages actually benefitted me this time around.

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After that fiasco, it was time for lunch at one of our favorite waterfront restaurants.

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A raspberry lime gin Ricky…

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And a scrumptious crab cake appetizer later, I was on my way to happy.

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Add a Campari Sangria and a fresh panko breaded haddock sandwich… and I was there.

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The husband started with clam chowder and moved on to a blood rare filet with grilled asparagus which, while quite satisfying….

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Set our wallet back a cool $53.

So yeah, thanks Covid 19 for driving food prices up so high our favorite place for lunch now makes my debit card shudder.

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Lovely fall photo inserted just because I can.

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