Tag Archives: humor

Whipple what…?

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Upon leaving the distillery, I spotted a sign.

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And seeing that we had nowhere pressing to be, we headed for the woods.

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Or rather a house in the woods, up a steep driveway, to what looked like a converted garage.

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The fact that it was filled with antique radios…

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And vintage wooden snowshoe molds made my other half feel right at home.

We were warmly greeted, offered a plush seat at the bar and handed a sampling menu.

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For a small batch home spun winery, they had a large list and we each chose 5.

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Since vineyard grapes don’t grow in Maine (too cold dontcha know) the wines were heavily fruited alternatively. Apples, cranberries, pears, blueberries… even a coconut lime that I had to try even though I knew it would be awful.

No surprise – it was.

There were one or two that were tasty, but I have a hard time taking a winery seriously when they offer PB&J. 🤢

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And oh… if you were wondering how the place got its name, or what in the actual Hell a whipple is?

Here’s a hint: they made a lamp out of one and now my husband wants to make his own for over the new pool table.

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“Whippletrees are used in tension to distribute forces from a point load to the traces of draught animals(the traces are the chains or straps on each side of the harness, on which the animal pulls). For these, the whippletree consists of a loose horizontal bar between the draught animal and its load. The centre of the bar is connected to the load, and the traces attach to its ends. Whippletrees are used especially when pulling a dragged load such as a plough, harrow, log or canal boat or for pulling a vehicle (by the leaders in a team with more than one row of animals).”

And yes… of course my husband owns three of them, even though he’s never had a horse, ox or donkey.

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No, he’s not spoiled.

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My acupuncturist recommended I use a heating pad on my knee to stimulate blood flow and aid in healing, so I keep one plugged in next to my reading chair in the living room. When not in use it’s tucked in the corner…

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Where Lord Dudley Mountcatten lets us know in no uncertain terms…

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This is not acceptable.

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It must then be moved to the ottoman, and turned on to warm his royal person.

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Spoiled? No…

What makes you say that?

🤣

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The time had come.

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Our annual pilgrimage to Tamworth Distillers in New Hampshire took place recently. The day was clear and cold and we found snow upon arrival.

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But no one cares about that.

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It’s a building filled with alcohol. Let’s shop!

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I made a beeline to my very favorite gin, Damson plum… and gathered enough to make my checkbook squeal.

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I passed on the whiskey made with beaver castoreum.

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Because if he mixes it with urine to scent mark his territory ? I’m not using it to mix a cocktail.

Nope.

Not going to happen.

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I did try their extremely unique brandy.

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Made with the durian fruit. You know … the one that smells like rotting flesh?

While the aroma wasn’t that horrible, it was a bit too potent for my taste.

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We spent a good deal of time in the store because naturally the husband found a Marine to talk to. They were stationed in the same place, with the same squadron and knew a lot of the same people… which meant yours truly wandered aimlessly back and forth, trying more free samples than she should have.

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This is why I stopped decorating.

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A friend gave me a reindeer for my birthday a few years ago.

Sadly it wasn’t a real one, just a Christmas decoration in a box.

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Ironically, the timing of this gift coincided with my I’m tired of fighting with f*cking lights that don’t stay lit, snowflakes that flip up on the roof and trees that spend more time lying on the ground than standing up change of heart about festive displays… but for some unfathomable reason, I decided to break it out of its box and put it to use this year.

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Easy to assemble? My ever widening ass. The legs wobbled, the antlers kept falling off and the stabilizing bars didn’t stabilize anything.

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Did I mention how pleased my husband was to secure said reindeer in the first snowfall of the season? It just started when I was taking pictures, but trust me.. it was cold, wet and windy.

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The stakes that come in the box? Useless. The wind blew the deer over as soon as we finished.

Solution?

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Drill screws into a flat stump and zip tie the reindeers legs to them for anchorage.

The decorating gods laughed and said, nice try suckers… and blew it over again.

Enter the sledgehammer.

I thought that might be for my head….

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But thankfully it was just to pound two thick iron stakes in the ground. ( side note – those suckers aren’t coming up until spring )

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A roll of safety wire and 20 frozen fingers later…

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There is a lighted reindeer on our front lawn.

Whether he will still be standing there tomorrow is anyone’s guess.

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Cat nonsense.

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Lord Dudley Mountcatten is a constant source of amusement around here.

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Basically because he’s a big goober who, between epic bouts of sleeping, rips around the house like a lunatic.

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Can you find the cat?

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In the sun of course.

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Not turning on the heating pad will earn you a swat…

And neglecting to put it on the footstool altogether?

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A quick flash of his junk.

The cat has no shame.

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Out with the old and in with the new…

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Our new pool table arrived… in pieces and parts.

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I wasn’t here when assembly started so I missed the table being positioned, leveled, slated and beeswax sealed …

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But arrived in time to see the fabric being laid. ( Upgraded professional fabric, as no mere felt would do for the man cave extraordinare)

If you’ve never had a pool table installed? Let me tell you… it’s a lot of work. These two were at it non stop for over 2 hours.

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But the result was perfection.

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Viola!

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Now that’s a pool table. It was a dark rainy day so the lighting doesn’t do it justice, but the finish is lovely…

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With the maple looking positively tiger like along the rails.

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Before.

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After.

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Before.

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After.

A table worthy of the Barn Mahal.

Please note the husband’s cue stick on the right in the last picture. He was playing as soon as the installation crew left and I had a hard time getting photos without his hovering presence.

I had to drag him out of there for dinner last night and he went right back to play after breakfast this morning. I don’t think I’m exaggerating in the least to say he loves it.

And if we were newly married?

I might be jealous.

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