I came home from the store the other day and stepped up on our kitchen landing.
Which is when I saw it.
Do you see it?
Let me give you a hint…
We hadn’t seen the little red bastards for a while, but it was right there.
A stolen apple wedge. Prominently placed where I couldn’t help but see it.
That bitch is taunting me now.
You know the ones, they pick up every free paper or publication they see no matter the subject?
Belt Sander Enthusiast?
The Do It Yourself Lobotomy Newsletter?
It probably won’t surprise my regular readers to learn my husband is one of those people.
Free is his favorite word.. which is why he came home with one called the Maine Agricultural News the other day.
My husband, the man who’s never planted anything (other than free trees he lets die) in his life.
Here are a few fascinating highlights:
Color me proud. My state is one of the top 5 potato chip potato producers.
And lord knows I do my part to keep the Lays company in business.
The Pomological Society? There’s a sought after membership if ever I saw one.
For those who don’t know, Maine blueberries are highly prized and big business up this way.
But thanks to President Trump’s Chinese trade war, among other things… the berry news is decidedly blue.
And finally, disaster.
Say it isn’t so!
Maine craft brewers have cut back on the production of beer to make hand sanitizer?
Oh, the horror.
Hope springs eternal, at least for my husband when it comes to trees.
The three oaks he transplanted a while ago croaked and had to be dug up.
So when we were in the middle of a drought and a heat wave?
He figured that would be a great time for us to plant 10 apple trees.
Holes were dug in ground that felt like cement.
And I had to run the bucket brigade again.
Because naturally he wanted to plant them at the far ends of our property.
But I did find some wild raspberries.
It took us all damned day.
But trees were planted.
The heat was intense and I told him this was the wrong time of year to plant.
But you know how that went.
Will he water and fertilize and care for these new transplants in this mid summer heat wave?
Say goodbye trees, you’re doomed.
This week’s harvest from our neighbor’s CSA yielded scallions, cabbage, beets, Swiss chard, basil, parsley, garlic scapes, a tomato, a zucchini and raspberries.
Needless to say the raspberries were demolished with ice cream the first night and since we craved more, we headed across the road to their farm stand.
I can’t say I’ve ever seen a tractor trailer box renovated into a turquoise and gold farm stand…
But hey, it works.
Fairy tale eggplant?
There are so many off color jokes I could make right now my brain is threatening to explode.
And in case you’re wondering how the veggies don’t bake in the heat?
Where there’s a will, there’s a way.
Just as we were about to leave, our neighbor’s daughters showed us all of her father’s left over apple trees. He’d planted as many as he could for his new orchard and didn’t want the rest.
You know where this is going…. right?
It’s been 100 degrees in the shade, the ground is solid concrete because we haven’t had any rain for weeks… and my husband wants to plant more trees.
I was sitting in the living room reading when movement caught my eye.
On closer inspection:
Knowing this was not going to end well, I went outside to
chase the little red bastard investigate.
Momma squirrel was back.
When she saw me, she ran.
And I thought, there.
That was easy.
But she wasn’t running because I’d scared her.
She was just looking for a place to stash the apple chunk she’d stolen from the deer.
I found this piece, and 4 others in various nooks and crannies of the table and chairs.
The next morning? 3 more pieces.
So now, everyday when I go outside?
I have to pull half eaten apple pieces out of our patio furniture before the ants descend.
I hate that squirrel!
The baby woodchucks are everywhere.
Behind the barn, in the rock wall, on the porch, under the deck.
They’re going to be saturating my blog for a while.
If there’s anything cuter than a mini woodchuck eating apples?
I don’t know if I’d survive it.
Have I mentioned how much I love the baby woodchucks?
If not, get used to it… because I’ve been spending a lot of time making friends with them.
I’ve found sliced apples are a great ice breaker.
And if I’m enjoying a little Crown Royal apple while making woodchuck friends… all the better.
It took a while for them to get used to me and they were pretty hesitant to come out with me so close.
But the lure of apples proved too much.
That’s pretty damned cute.
Well now you can.
We had a lot of visitors this past winter.
These are pictures from back in January because I’m still playing catch up from the vacation posts.
Our buck kept his rack a lot longer than usual.
But it didn’t stop him from apple picking.
Or sticking his tongue out at the photographer.
Cheeky little bugger.
Father and son…
Or daughter, it’s hard to tell at this stage.
This tee shirt I picked up at Goodwill the other day.
If my husband would just follow this one simple rule, life would be so much more pleasant.
The new yellow kiwi fruit.
Have you tried them?
The Annual Damariscotta PumpkinFest Regatta.
(And you thought we only raced zucchini in Maine. Pfft!)
But this year, I really like the pumpkin they’re using to advertise it.
Finding multiple praying mantises (manti?) on the baby barn we’re remodeling.
Did you know the female praying mantis bites off her partner’s head after sex?
Clearly she’s a woman who doesn’t like to cuddle.
Our trees are loaded with juicy fruit…
And soon my belly will be full of juicy pie and fritters.
actual video of me after eating juicy pie and fritters
Autumn is closing in.
And it’s my favorite time of the year.
The air is crisp, the trees are full of apples….
And if you’re lucky enough to live in Maine like I do?
Mother Nature puts on a glorious show of turning leaves.
(Yes, those are my photos. And yes, those are my apple trees.)
But this year?
There’s something I’m not looking forward to.
The annual Pumpkin Spice’d
every damn thing but condoms invasion will be rolling out shortly, and while that’s annoying enough….
There’s a new kid on the pumpkin spiced block.
It’s true… as well as disgusting.
Pumpkin Spiced Spam.
Starting September 23, lovers of all things autumn can purchase limited-edition Spam Pumpkin Spice on Walmart and Spam’s online stores, a spokesperson for Hormel Foods told CNN.
There’s no pumpkin in this pork: It’s mixed with cinnamon, clove, allspice and nutmeg, according to the spokesperson.
What could a sweet mystery meat possibly pair well with? Spam recommends topping waffles with it, adding it to a fall vegetable hash or baking it into a cornbread muffin.
Honestly, waking up to a warm stack of Spam-and-waffles on a chilly fall morning sounds kinda nice.
Could this sweet SPAM be the tipping point for pumpkin spice fatigue? It’s not likely–people go crazy for the flavor, and it’s rooted in neurology: Sugar and pumpkin spice are an addictive combination that the brain learns to crave.
And with seasonal marketing from pumpkin spice pushers like Starbucks, brains and bodies begin to associate autumn and comfort with the flavor.
So if you’re into pumpkin spiced Spam, don’t be ashamed.
You’re just wired that way.
While there’s no amount of money that could convince me try it and report back….
If one of you would, I’d appreciate a first hand account of how truly awful it is.