Tag Archives: news

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News you can’t use.

22 Comments

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After two years of Covid inactivity and a year and a half of dealing with a painful knee injury? No amount of exercise is going to bring my butt back to life. Take it out back and bury it, it’s done.

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Damn. That’s a bonus check I could totally get behind.

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Any guesses what is?

Forget garlic and basil, the answer is fish sauce. Mamma Mia!

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And finally, in this crazy world where everything is out to get you… mercury in tuna fish, lead in drinking water, E. coli on lettuce… I have to admit I never saw this one coming.

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I don’t use one, so I’m safe.

For now….

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News you can’t use, the question edition.

19 Comments

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This week, my headlines were full of questions….. and I’m counting on you to provide some answers.

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I once ate a chocolate covered grasshopper. Unknowingly, because I was a child at my father’s office party and the buffet table that was laden with caviar, oysters and foie gras held absolutely no appeal. I saw chocolate. I ate chocolate. I was immediately sorry and spit the crunchy chocolate into a napkin. When I saw the chocolate had legs? I may have screamed. Needless to say that was the last Wall Street brokerage firm party I ever attended.

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This must be a trick question. It contends that people acquire whiskey and fail to drink it. This does not compute.

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I have to admit I’ve never thought about this….. but damn. I’m hoping my brain dies with me. The thought that I’ll be navigating the afterlife without one while my brain is still here contemplating the mysteries of life (The Yeti… missing link or just Nick Nolte after a particularly rough weekend? Justin Bieber…. they say he’s Canadian, but I’m thinking alien life form. Jimmy Hoffa… is he really dead, or just kicking back in Boca enjoying the early bird special at Golden Corral? ) is quite troubling.

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Tough call, right?

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News you can’t use.

23 Comments

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Family Dollars are popping up all over our state and I can’t stand them. They move into small towns, flood the populace with cheap goods and drive all the quirky independent stores out of business. There’s one in the town next to us and I refuse to shop there.

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Now I have an even better reason. Ick!

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That seems a bit extreme. Even for the south…

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And we need to know this why?

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Damn. I hope he was well paid…

🥴

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News you can’t use.

25 Comments

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The Winter Olympics are over, but some stories are still worth telling.

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Not being born with that particular appendage, I can only imagine what that would feel like. The time I froze the Oscar Meyer wieners by mistake comes to mind, and if so? Ouch!

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I’m happy to report Cluck was adopted. Read about him here.

https://amp.charlotteobserver.com/news/state/north-carolina/article258043433.html

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There are numerous reasons I’m not flying right now. Covid, extended periods of mandatory masking which kick my hot flashes into high gear, and crazy passengers who have to be zip tied during flight… but a stranger’s bare feet on the back of my head? If this is what’s happening now, I may never fly again.

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Of course it will. The way things are going in the world these days, I expected no less.

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Sorry, you’re on your own with this one. I didn’t read the article. My life is fine just the way it is.

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News you can’t use.

35 Comments

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Let’s take a peek at the recent headlines on my news feed, shall we?

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Not just no, but Hell no. There’s a long list of things I refuse to do naked and hiking is in the top ten.

Can you say poison ivy?

😳

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Is there a french fry shortage in the United States? Why was I not informed!

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Pay $54.92 to take a selfie on the Iron Throne? You betcha!

Sign me up.

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Viola! the cure for what ails you. To heck with Alexander Fleming, Dr. River prescribes three or four of these….and don’t call me in the morning. Not that you’ll be able to anyway.

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Cheers to your good health!

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News you can’t use.

21 Comments

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A few useless headlines from my news feed, just because.

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Help me out here Florida people. Does this really happen? And if so, why are you not posting pictures! Random lizards falling from the sky should rate a blog now and then.

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It’s official… even the Queen is feeling the pinch of inflation. Keep your eye on eBay, there might be some nice jewelry up for bid soon.

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Most excellent. Here’s hoping they let Willow roam the halls of Congress and poop in Ted Cruz’s briefcase.

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Are we?

I’m not, but if you are … please share. I’ve heard it’s called the God molecule and people experience death when tripping. That doesn’t sound like my idea of a good time, but to each their own.

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Sonoran desert toad is not impressed.

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News headlines I could happily have done without reading.

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It’s been a shitshow of a year hasn’t it?

While I normally roll with the punches, I have to admit sitting here on the last day of 2021 has got me a trifle depressed. Our lives have been put on hold for too long and I’m more than ready to disconnect the pause button.

With that in mind, reading the news probably wasn’t the best idea… but what the hell. How much worse could it be?

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*Note to self – don’t ever ask that question*

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Of course it will. I would expect nothing less.

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I’ve never been on a cruise, and to be honest that type of vacation never interested me. ‘Floating petri dish’ has done nothing to change my mind.

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Apparently NASA is going to rent space stations from private companies in the future. I don’t even want to know how many billions of dollars will literally go up in smoke when the current station goes poof.

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Is that what I look like in my skinny jeans?

Now I really am depressed.

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I love my town.

23 Comments

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It’s time for small town news again…. so city folk can see what they’re missing.

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No worries. Said piggy was reunited with his family and is safely back home.

The want ads in small rural towns tend to look a bit different.

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Spleeny- New England : peevish and irritable with hypochondriac inclinations.

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I’m almost afraid to ask why someone wants to rehome a skeleton.

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I’m going to pass this one on to my husband because he came home from breakfast with the boys the other day bitching that his omelette had gone up a dollar.

I know I’m paying more for groceries, it stands to reason restaurants are as well.

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Pandemic humor

11 Comments

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Because I’m still trying to laugh.

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Funny, but true.

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For those of you who need pictorial directions.

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Brilliant idea. Wish they would do that.

And I know it’s too early for Christmas…. ( Yes people, it’s too damned early! Shove that elf back in the closet. Or better yet, burn it. I hate that little bastard. ) but I may need to buy this ornament.

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