It probably won’t surprise you to learn my algorithms often give me cocktail recipes… which spellcheck just changed to ‘road pies’ for some inexplicable reason… and while I’m always up for new cocktail combos?
Things have taken a decidedly blue turn lately.
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I dislike cutesy… not to mention raunchy… names and won’t be ordering those anytime soon.
We’ll start with Lord Dudley Mountcatten who definitely knows how to relax.
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My husband wanted a fleece vest to wear at the office (because he works for the government and they’re too cheap to raise the thermostat above 65 degrees in the winter) so we headed to L.L. Bean.
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Home of the giant boot..
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And flannel shirt beer coozies.
They clearly know their audience.
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Charity my *ss. Those on the bottom should lose their non profit status.
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Supporting a new blog friend by purchasing and reading his amusing and heartwarming tales of animal caretaking in Scotland.
And finally, my algorithms have gotten on board with my furniture shopping nightmare by dropping vintage finds on my FB feed.
My Facebook and Apple News algorithms are always coming up with ridiculous products they think I need to purchase.
I’m passing on all three of these.
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#1…. Swimsuit season is not approaching quickly in Maine, unless you count the Polar Bear plunge in February and I’ve never be crazy enough to do that.
#2…. My derrière is awake as it’s ever going to get. No caffeinated butt cream required. 
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No.
Just… no.
While I spoil Lord Dudley Mountcatten far more than my husband thinks I should, even I have limits.
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Do I want to carry around a 28 ounce gelatinous pouch of my own urine? I most assuredly do not.
Also, I spent my teenage years on an island in Maine where there were no public restrooms. I’m completely familiar with pissing in the woods if necessary.
Facebook is always trying to sell me something. And since it depends on algorithms to choose the items … I have to wonder why it thinks I need organic underwear.
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A free range bra? That’s an oxymoron if ever I’ve heard one.
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High impact? Exactly how much impact do they think my girls experience…
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My car seats do not need a body guard. If I’m man enough to spill a drink while driving? They should just man up and take it.