Tag Archives: crazy

2020 can bite me.

July 31, 2020 Rivergirl 20 Comments

Just when I think this horrible year can’t get any worse…..

2020 snickers and rubs its hands together in glee.

That’s right, a Great White Shark is in Maine waters and has killed a woman. We used to think this was impossible ….. but it’s 2020.

All bets are off.

Shortly after the tragedy, these pictures were taken off the coast of the Island where I used to lived.

Lunch.

That’s my Island in the background.

*Gulp*

And if Great White shark appearances in Maine aren’t crazy enough?

This happened early Wednesday morning:

It felt like a bomb had exploded in our basement.

And if that’s a 2.2?

I’m never moving to California.

Of course, we’re Mainers.

Tough….

Resilient.

We will rebuild!

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Wiped out.

April 18, 2020 Rivergirl 38 Comments

A girlfriend told me she went shopping yesterday and still couldn’t find any toilet paper on the shelves. My usual reaction to this is an eye roll and an under the breath sputter of “people be crazy”…. but this time I thought I’d do a little research.

Exactly.

It’s not an intestinal virus FFS! Why is everyone still hoarding the Charmin?

Whaaat!

The average American uses 141 rolls a year?

Christ on a cracker, that’s 2.71 rolls a week… per person! My husband and I have only used 2 rolls in the last 3 weeks…. together.

What are you people doing with it….

Wallpapering the bathroom while you sit?

Panic Room…

2020 style.

I was 9 years old during the embargo, so can someone please explain why toilet paper prices were raised? Did people use it as an alternate energy source?

If so, how many miles per roll did it get?

And speaking of alternatives….

A million dollars worth of bidet attachments in a day.

Take that Cottonelle!

So concludes my treatise on toilet paper.

But let me leave you with this… when you’re a writer researching a topic for an article? I’m not sure it gets any better than being able to quote a source named Tushy.

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Quarantine fever?

April 15, 2020 Rivergirl 27 Comments

I don’t normally blog about my husband’s job.

He is a Fed after all, they might be listening.

But this morning he received a message from a man who was threatening to shoot drones out of the sky. While that in itself was troubling… the man’s explanation was even more so.

You see the drones were flying over his house and scanning him with infrared rays. He was wrapping himself in tin foil for protection while sleeping, but would soon run out of supplies.

Well, sure.

Who can blame him for being upset? Everyone knows the anal probe comes after the infrared rays….. and that’s enough to ruin anyone’s day.

The courthouse passed him off to the sheriff… who passed him off to the State Police… who passed him off to the husband’s office…. and now my other half has to deal with him.

Quarantine fever.

It’s driving them out of the woodwork.

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So now I know.

March 16, 2020 Rivergirl 42 Comments

I went grocery shopping this morning….

And I now know what we will all be doing during the virus apocalypse.

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Baking.

Because there wasn’t a freaking bag of flour for miles.

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There was beef, but no chicken.

Tissues, but no paper towels.

Ham, but no bacon.

Macaroni, but no spaghetti.

You never know what will disappear next. Although I did notice there was plenty of kale…. which makes it official.

If all that’s left on the shelves is kale? I will starve to death.

kale-bad

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I must lead a sheltered life.

September 11, 2019 Rivergirl 29 Comments

Because not only had I never heard of this woman and her bizarre career choice….

But I was totally unaware there was an audience for it as well.

I have an iPhone.

Which means I have Apple News.

So last week I was scrolling through the stories of the day and stumbled across this:

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I shouldn’t have watched.

I know that…. believe me. But I thought it was a joke. I figured I would laugh and blog about the ridiculousness of it.

It wasn’t a joke.

And apparently this is a thing.

There’s an entire YouTube channel devoted to watching Dr. Sandra Lee pop people’s pimples.

She has 5,643,803 subscribers FFS!

I fear for the future of the human race when over half a billion people have nothing better to do than watch this:

We’re doomed I tell you.

Doomed.

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Too good not to share… the finale.

September 7, 2019 Rivergirl 37 Comments

Crazy real estate agent’s photos part 3, and let’s start it off with a bang.

Or a boom as the case may be..

There’s so much wrong with this I don’t even know where to start. Aside from the obvious WTF factor…. this guy looks like he’s getting ready to goose you. Why are his hands open wide? Why do you have to reach into his chest to flush? And considering what he must see everyday… why the hell is he smiling?