Which one of you boneheads is peeing in my birdbath every night?
Because this is getting old.
Every afternoon I clean out the birdbath.
Filling it with sparkling clean, cool water for our birds to drink and take a bath.
And then every morning I wake up to this:
Every single morning.
So…
Fun’s over. Admit your crime.
The midnight madness must stop.
Because not only had I never heard of this woman and her bizarre career choice….
But I was totally unaware there was an audience for it as well.
I have an iPhone.
Which means I have Apple News.
So last week I was scrolling through the stories of the day and stumbled across this:
I shouldn’t have watched.
I know that…. believe me. But I thought it was a joke. I figured I would laugh and blog about the ridiculousness of it.
It wasn’t a joke.
And apparently this is a thing.
There’s an entire YouTube channel devoted to watching Dr. Sandra Lee pop people’s pimples.
She has 5,643,803 subscribers FFS!
I fear for the future of the human race when over half a billion people have nothing better to do than watch this:
We’re doomed I tell you.
Doomed.
Crazy real estate agent’s photos part 3, and let’s start it off with a bang.
Or a boom as the case may be..
There’s so much wrong with this I don’t even know where to start. Aside from the obvious WTF factor…. this guy looks like he’s getting ready to goose you. Why are his hands open wide? Why do you have to reach into his chest to flush? And considering what he must see everyday… why the hell is he smiling?
Wow.
Someone clearly had too much time… and acrylic paint… on their hands.
Just your normal bathroom/dining room combo…
And bathroom/kitchen combo….
And bathroom/bedroom combo.
Porches.
Not just for outside anymore.
When you live in the city… but your wife really wants a cow.
Because sun shade awnings are stylish anywhere.
Proof positive there is such a thing as too much togetherness.
Truly.
I’m not sure what’s more disturbing about this bizarre bathtub… the fact that it’s covered in carpet?
That it has 4 decorative poles?
Or that it appears to have an electric heater installed on the side?
I don’t know.
I really don’t.
You…
Or anyone else for that matter.
I’m guessing the Kardashian’s have closets full of those…
But probably not these.
Pokemon friendly leather.
That means plastic… right?
This next item said you’d be the envy of all your friends if you had one.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say if you own an enamel pin collection?
You probably don’t have many friends to begin with.
Do I need to wake up pouting?
Probably not.
I also don’t want to walk around smelling like birthday cake all day.
Christ…
I have a hard enough time avoiding cake as it is.
Now this I could get behind….
But only if I didn’t tell my friend the purpose, and randomly make her lamp go on and off long distance.
*Cue evil laugh*
I’m not sure how blue I’d have to be to enjoy this…
But thankfully I’m not there yet.
Every once in a while I go shopping, see something…
And say whaaaaat?
Like this strange product I spotted at T.J.Maxx.
Ear candles.
Do they set the mood for the intimate dinner parties I hold inside my head?
Or is it a new way to light someone’s cigarette?
WTH?
Naturally relaxing?
Which part?
When the hot wax drips onto my face and burns away my eyebrows…
Or when the flame catches my hairspray on fire and I spontaneously combust?
I posted this ridiculous product on my FB page and immediately had 2 friends commented that they’d tried it.
(Note to self – re-examine criteria for picking friends)
One said she had it done at a spa. (Pay money for someone to light a candle and stick it in my ear? Not happening.)
The other said it has health benefits and it removed his ear wax. ( I researched this and there is no medical evidence to support the claim)
(It should also be noted this guy smokes a little weed)
(Okay, a lot of weed.)
This is how it supposedly works.
“… patient might hear sizzling noise” ?
Yeah.
That’s either the sound of your brain frying….. or P.T. Barnum’s ghost dancing a jig in your ear canal.
I’m all for alternate remedies that don’t line the pocket of big pharma, but sorry.
The only way a flame is getting that near my face is if someone lights my Sambuca.
