Ever wonder why wild creatures are so often run over by cars? The roadkill count in my state is high and I can never figure out why seemingly clever animals always fall victim to large noisy vehicles.
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Mystery solved. Evolution just hasn’t caught up.
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I will now be distributing Cheer detergent to every hunter I know.
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When my husband worked for the Federal Aviation Administration drones were the bane of his existence. I’d love to have one for photography purposes, but his hatred runs deep.
But this morning he received a message from a man who was threatening to shoot drones out of the sky. While that in itself was troubling… the man’s explanation was even more so.
You see the drones were flying over his house and scanning him with infrared rays. He was wrapping himself in tin foil for protection while sleeping, but would soon run out of supplies.
Well, sure.
Who can blame him for being upset? Everyone knows the anal probe comes after the infrared rays….. and that’s enough to ruin anyone’s day.
The courthouse passed him off to the sheriff… who passed him off to the State Police… who passed him off to the husband’s office…. and now my other half has to deal with him.
The Liebster Award is an award that exists only on the internet and is given to bloggers by other bloggers. The earliest case of the award goes as far back as 2011. Liebster in German means sweetest, kindest, nicest, dearest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing, and welcome.
The award is a way to be discovered but also to connect and support the blogging community. A great idea in promoting your own blog and others. Originally it was given out to blogs with less than 2000 readers but this has slowly lowed as the reward has gained popularity. It is now only 200 readers or less. It’s really an arbitrary number. If you like helping other blogs out go ahead and do it regardless of its size.
With thanks to Rebecca Wallick at wildsensibility for the nomination….. ( I’m not sure sweetest and endearing are the first words people think of when my blog comes to mind, but hey. I’ll take praise where and when I can. )
If you love dogs, natural splendor and stunning scenic photographs, check out Rebecca’s page. She’s got them all in spades.
Onward!
You know the rules… I have to answer questions. Which I shall do with the utmost amount of seriousness.
1. What typically is the closest object on your right when you’re writing (not including a computer mouse)?
You’ll probably be sorry you asked that… but it’s a poop drone.
And yes, of course it flies.
2. What one-sentence bit of advice would you give to your 13-year-old self?
At 13… I was a shy little thing. Reticent to open my mouth or make my presence known. (Hard to believe, I know) So I would probably tell her…. Dance! Jump off that pier! Sing with the band! Say yes to all the adventures life lays before you and don’t worry so much about what other people think. By the time you’re sitting here blogging about it? It will be too late.
3. Describe your ideal writing space and place (assuming money isn’t an issue).
For me… that would be a treehouse.
A glam treehouse, with a frozen margarita machine and a never ending supply of tequila and limes. Surrounded by nature and the songs of birds, that’s where I’d like to be.
4. What is your most frequent photographic subject?
That changes depending on the season.. and my moods. Lately?
It’s a woodchuck who looks like Jabba the Hut.
5. Favorite quote?
“I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.”
With…. “I like to have a martini, Two at the very most. After three I’m under the table, after four I’m under my host.” coming in a close second.
Ole Dorothy Parker knew her stuff.
6. What does blogging (writing, and reading) add to your life?
A sense of connection. It’s like reaching my hand out across the globe and touching people I would never have otherwise met. (And by touching, I’m speaking metaphorically. Don’t call the vice squad.)
7. If you could choose to be any animal for a 24-hour period, which would you be and why?
A wombat.
And I have no idea why.
8. Do you have other creative outlets besides writing?
I used to draw. I used to write poetry. I used to make dried flower wreaths. I used to cross stitch. I used to stamp. I used to paint. I used to dry brush ceramics. I used to do a lot of things. Now… I just take crazy pictures and blog.
And drink.
I drink very creatively.
Amen, Tyrion. Amen.
Okay, now I’m supposed to nominate blogs I think you should discover and make them answer questions as well.
Of course, if you know me… you know my questions won’t be normal. Where’s the fun in that?
1. Acknowledge the blog which nominated you.
2. Answer the questions your nominator asked.
3. Nominate two to six other bloggers who might appreciate the boost.
4. Ask them several unique questions.
5. Let them know you have nominated them.
And answer these questions –
1. You’re a pigeon newly arrived in Hollywood. Who do you poop on first?
2. Donald Trump has been impeached. Mike Pence has been trampled to death at a gay pride parade. Nancy Pelosi has resigned her position and run off to Tahiti with a member of BTS. You’ve been chosen to be the next President of the United States. What’s your first executive order?
3. The Brussels Sprout is a much maligned ( and extremely gassy ) cruciferous vegetable. You run a PR firm and have just been hired to tweak it’s image. Go!
4. Your lifelong dream of being a stripper has come true. What’s your stage name?
5. Your cruise ship is sinking and you’ve scrambled onto a life raft only to realize it’s overloaded. What… or who… do you push overboard? A case of craft beer, your significant other, the oars, a beloved pet wombat, or the ship’s navigator ?
*Note – if you say beer or wombat, you are dead to me*
Yes, those really are the questions.
If you were expecting, “Name the most influential person in your life” or “What is your favorite memory of childhood” you’re reading the wrong blog.
We do things differently here.
Yes, I realize you can’t unsee that.
But if you’re struggling for a stripper name… feel free to be inspired.
But we’re the ones who were cursed by the Lord of Crap lucky enough to receive a poop drone for Christmas.
I can see you seething….. green with envy.
(Or is it brown in this case?)
Because who hasn’t dreamed of holding a levitating pile of poop in the palm of their hand?
(Okay everyone, including me. But admit it… you’re wondering how utterly horrible truly wonderful it could be.)
Eager to heave it in the trash get started, I searched for directions.
There weren’t many… I mean heck, how complicated can poop be?
I admit it was a little disconcerting to have a pile of poop watch me blog.
Especially when it started glowing red.
(Red poop is usually not a good thing…. or so I’ve been told.)
After a short charge, it was ready for a test flight.
And Holy Hell!
That poop can really go.
I was expecting a quiet little puff of air and some marginal movement….
But that little sucker really takes flight.
And it’s not exactly quiet either…
Sadly… you can’t control it. The poop has a mind of it’s own.
Which is too bad, because the possible household applications of flying poop are limitless.
Annoying door to door salesmen? Send the drone to answer that incessant knocking.
Unexpected mother in law visit? Program the drone to buzz behind her ear and get twisted in her blue hair as she tells you the proper way to cook her son’s meals.
Neighbor’s dog keeps defecating in your flower bed? When the flying poop rises up behind him he’ll have a heart attack. Problem solved.
Saturday night found us at our friend’s house… she of the annual weirdo Xmas tree.
By the time we arrived, this year’s forest had sprouted a cat.
There was a small Seussian tree in the dining room…
And shrub Santas by her back door.
The Santas made me smile..
The chipped paint on the steps made me twitch. (Yes, I literally twitched. The husband had to ask if I was alright.) **Note to self – buy friend a gallon of paint for her birthday next month**
We drank, had dinner, drank, and exchanged gifts a week late.
Naturally, the exchange made us laugh.
One of my gifts to her is on the left. A crazy lace agate pendant…
One of her gifts to me? On the right….. a crazy lace agate pendant.
This is what happens when you know your friends too well.
And if that wasn’t bad enough?
I gave her husband the new Game of Thrones book…..
Which she then gave to me.
(This was probably funnier after the 3 margaritas and 1 raspberry martini I had, but you get the idea.)
And then….
Then my husband opened one of his gifts.
And I almost fell off the chair.
Remember my recent blog about poop products?
Oh, yes…
We are now the envy of our neighbors and have a Hovering Poop drone of our very own.
Don’t be jealous.
You know there will be a blog totally devoted to this very soon, and I will share the joy.
Because really.
How can I not?
Where there's only one step from the sublime to the ridiculous.
River's world..... 