Tag Archives: kitchen

Still driving me nuts.

.

I came home from the store the other day and stepped up on our kitchen landing.

.

.

Which is when I saw it.

Do you see it?

.

.

Let me give you a hint…

.

.

We hadn’t seen the little red bastards for a while, but it was right there.

.

.

A stolen apple wedge. Prominently placed where I couldn’t help but see it.

.

.

That bitch is taunting me now.

.

We’ve all been there.

.

Epic fails in the kitchen. They usually happen when you’re having your MIL or the boss over for dinner.

So when I saw these online the other day? I had to share…

.

.

Not even close.

.

.

Funny, I’ve made this dish as well… but had no idea it was Italian.

.

.

Recipes.

Sometimes they just like to screw with you.

.

.

Ninja throwing apples!

I like.

.

.

Oh, hell no!

That mouth. I just can’t…

.

.

I’m all for making pets out of rocks, they’re so obedient. But this looks more like a creepy charcoal briquette.

.

.

It’s official.

I will never eat sausage again.

.

Random drivel I have to share.

.

For all my pun loving friends..

.

.

Egg yolks…. they don’t always crack you up.

This next one literally made me snort.

.

.

Admit it, you want one.

Or six.

.

.

We passed this little cutie the other day on a back road.

.

.

Perfume…. that smells like gin?

When I have a few too many I tend to spill it on myself. Think of all the time that will save.

And finally…

.

.

Oh sweet Jesus, no.

First kale killed the dinosaurs… and now my tomato wants a piece of me?

Stop the world. I want to get off.

.

Let’s play….

.

Because it’s been a long week and I need a chuckle.

.

.

I’d like to tell you there’s something wonderfully quirky up there like a hedgehog cheese grater…

.

.

Or sandwich bags that lessen the chances of your kid getting beaten up for their PB&J….

.

.

But alas, when I climbed up on a chair and checked?

.

.

All I saw was this:

.

.

A lone fly swatter the husband must have thrown up there when I wasn’t looking.

Handy if Mike Pence drops by, but otherwise not very amusing.

So regale me with your finds…

What’s collecting dust in your kitchen?

.

Things there are no explanation for.

 

  1.    The grill cover that came with our new grill.

 

IMG_4672

 

Mind you, it’s custom made for this particular grill so it’s not a matter of fit.

So why on earth would a cover, that’s ostensibly used to protect the metal from the elements, have an opening of netted mesh where the metal controls are located?

Why?

2.    Mexican toilet paper.

 

IMG_4832

 

I live in Maine, which is as far as you can get from Mexico and still be in the United States….

 

IMG_4831

 

So why were these the only brands available on the grocery store shelf this week?

Why?

3.    Why is there a squirrel on top of my bicycle in the garage?

 

IMG_4869

 

If your answer is  “You don’t ride it, so why shouldn’t he?” that’s technically correct, but doesn’t explain how he got in the garage or why he wouldn’t rather use that special car wash broom attachment my husband had to have but never used instead. He had to walk past 2 dirty cars to find the bicycle…. and that’s just rude.

Why?

4.  Why is there coffee all over my kitchen cabinets?

 

IMG_E4613

 

Not the lower cabinets mind you, where I could understand a little spillage…. but the upper. Did Micheal J. Fox sneak in for a cuppa while I wasn’t looking? Was the husband gettin’ jiggy with it while I was in the shower?

I don’t drink coffee, so no. I didn’t catch a glimpse of a bare chested Jason Momoa on the television and have a muscle spasm.

 

images

Photo for reference purposes only.

Really.

And to think it only took me an hour to choose that particular shot. 😈

 

So…. why?

If you can explain any of these unexplainable circumstances, I’d be most grateful.

Sometimes I feel like I’m just phoning it in.

 

There’s nothing like the internet to make you feel inadequate.

And while I consider myself a relatively good cook, photos of the latest trend in baking shared by a friend are making me doubt my commitment.

 

 

Because, to be honest….

 

 

This type of magic never occurs in my kitchen.

 

 

I can’t even blame it on not having the time…

 

 

Because that’s something I have plenty of right now.

 

 

So all I can say is …. stop.

 

 

Stop making the rest of us look like slackers.

 

 

Asshole.

Now you’re just showing off.

So, maybe.

 

Just maybe…

I should clean out my cupboards a bit more often.

We have a tall skinny cabinet in our kitchen. It’s not very wide, which constantly leads to items being pushed to the back to make room for new.

Sometimes they get pushed really far back. Really, really far back…

Like a solid mile and a half back.

For example, this container of chicken broth…

 

IMG_5880

 

Fat free!

Kudos to me for being healthy, right?

Well, I should have realized this wasn’t going to be good when I saw the label. The last time I bought fat free was when I was dieting……

 

IMG_5879

 

In 2014.