Tag Archives: quarantine

Things I learned while grocery shopping.

 

I ventured out of my lock down burrow yesterday and went grocery shopping for the first time in 21 days. It was quite a learning experience.

I learned Wal Mart has a bizarrely convoluted maze of barricades at the entrance so you can’t use the same door as those who are exiting. They have staff wiping down carts, cashiers wiping down check out lanes and six foot distancing markers on the floors. The one thing they didn’t have?

A single employee wearing a mask.  To which I say…. WTH?

At my second stop, a grocery chain called Shaws…. I learned there are 2 staff members with clickers and clipboards counting customers at the entrance so no more than 75 people can be in the store at the same time. They have arrows for one way aisles, distancing markers at the checkout and a ban on bringing reusable bags from home. The one thing they didn’t have?

A single employee wearing a mask. To which I say…. WTF?

I got hollered at for putting my groceries on the check out conveyor belt too soon, by a cashier who wouldn’t wear a mask. Smarten up people! Half measures are no measures. We need to get on top of this thing…. my local pub misses me!

Other things I learned?

I don’t look good in a mask.

 

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And there’s still no toilet paper.

 

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Anywhere.

There was plenty of deodorant, but no toothpaste…. because apparently clean minty breath is more important than body odor during pandemics.

You want flour?

 

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Sorry, no can do.

Oh, there are full shelves here and there.

 

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But they’re filled with such things as Tumeric pasta and….

 

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Yeah.

There was no shortage of those.

This item was fully stocked as well.

 

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Clearly I’m not the only one who hates cilantro.

I also learned you can’t wear reading glasses while sporting an N95 mask. Nope. If you do…. those little suckers will fog up like the back of your teenage boyfriend’s Chevy van on prom night.

I came home with something I didn’t want or need simply because I couldn’t read the damn thing.

Yay me.

I also learned that if you’re menopausal and prone to hot flashes? You’re not going to enjoy going out in public for the foreseeable future.

The mask I wore is great, it filters out all the harmful particles… but breathing through it? Not so great.

I overheated to a temperature approaching the surface of the sun within 5 minutes…. then turned a bright feverish red and had to finish shopping quickly before I melted into a puddle in the dairy section.

Think I’m kidding?

 

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Nope.

 

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Not kidding.

I’m not sick, just splotchy. Honest!

 

How bored was I yesterday?

 

Tiptoeing around the house quietly while the husband is teleworking is not my forte, so I tried to find something sedentary and silent to do as not to disturb his process.

Yesterday this involved scrolling through a news feed on my phone.

Sick to death  (no pun intended!)  of the current global health crisis, I found myself reading an article called “Jason Bateman deserves to be taken seriously.”

 

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Yes.

This is how far I’ve fallen.

And because I realize there might be a few other desperate house bound tiptoers out there?

Here.

Feel free to melt your brain as well.

Biding our time….

 

In the time of Corona Virus.

Why is it that 3 weeks on vacation flies like the wind, but 3 weeks staying home feels like 6 months?

I know I shouldn’t complain. We’re blessed my husband can work from home and keep a steady paycheck.  But Lord…. what I wouldn’t give for Direct TV to gasp it’s last breath.

My husband is a news hound. Which is mildly annoying any other time… but now?

It feeds the hypochondria he inherited from his mother and his sometimes slightly paranoid nature.

No, I don’t want to hear the new death toll number.

And no, I definitely don’t want to see another Presidential news conference which are anything but.

 

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If only.

In other news, our stores are still out of toilet paper. And people are posting sightings like it’s Bigfoot…. or something hovering over Roswell, New Mexico.

“There’s a dozen packages of Cottonelle on Aisle 6, Hannaford in Westbrook.”

Go!

“A new shipment of  Charmin on Aisle 10, Shaws in Rockland?”

Hurry!

 

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It really is ridiculous.

And makes you wonder what we’re going to do if this trend continues.

 

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Uh oh.

Because when I have a lot of time on my hands… it’s what I do.

 

If I’m self isolating?

And the husband is teleworking so I have to tiptoe quietly around the house….

I read.

 

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And when the husband is not working…… but watching old westerns with John Wayne or non stop Corona Virus news coverage that makes me want to scream?

I read.

 

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Problem is I read too much and too quickly.

12 books in 2 weeks makes me wish we were eligible for that stimulus package check.

Because if this keeps up much longer… and Goodwill and the libraries stay closed?

I’m going to need it for my Amazon bill.