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People often tell me my sense of humor is dark. If that’s true, then I really need to buy these.
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Tired of all those chipper little self help themed fortunes? Then get a load of these.
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Oh yeah.
I gotta get me some.
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Misfortune cookies. I love it.
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Take that you eternal optimists!
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I am so buying these.
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I live in Maine, Land of Lobster. We catch it, we eat it, we export it, we celebrate it with festivals. Hell, we’ve built an entire tourist industry around it.
The one thing we don’t do with it? Relieve menstrual cramps.
Yet someone, somewhere thought they should.
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Meet the Menstruation Crustacean.
Jesus wept.
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Lobsters are a lot of things…. long lived, bottom dwelling, quick swimming, and delicious in drawn butter.
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But cuddly?
Cuddly doesn’t make the top ten.
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Yes, this lobster abomination can hold tampons in its claws.
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Something I have to admit I’ve never seen ours do.
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My girlfriend and I went shopping last week and were excited to discover a new Cajun seafood restaurant had opened in South Portland. Mouth watering for shrimp ettouffe or crawfish gumbo, we entered The Shaking Crab.
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Why was the crab shaking? I have no idea. But the place being nearly empty at the height of the lunch hour should have been our first clue something wasn’t quite right.
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Six dollar drinks went a long way to calm our suspicions…
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Though the Cajuns I’ve known wouldn’t be caught dead drinking a watermelon-tini.
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Giant plastic crabs were everywhere. As were plastic starfish and randomly placed hanging plastic water bubbles.
All the waitstaff were Asian. 9/10ths of the customers were Asian. The scent of the room was reminiscent of an Asian kitchen. The menu? Not an ettouffe, Boudin, or jambalaya in sight.
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Though you could order “coleslow” and “braccoli ”. (These appeared twice, spelled incorrectly both times.) I didn’t bother taking pictures of our meals, they were just typical fried seafood baskets as the only other choices were giant plates of steamed things in a plastic wrap bubble you had to crack, and we didn’t feel like making a mess. I did try to catch a shot of one being delivered to another table, but missed.
Imagine a giant Jiffy Pop balloon encircling a metal dish, only its clear plastic instead of foil. It was an absolutely bizarre presentation of what I’m assuming was meant to be a crawfish boil.
I lived down south. I had Cajun friends and neighbors. I’ve sucked heads. Whatever The Shaking Crab meant to be? It sure as hell wasn’t Cajun.
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The lesson we learn here? If you can’t find someone, follow their trail of poo. I prefer searching Facebook… but you do you.
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Disney buying Star Wars has ruined the franchise for me. You never would have seen Darth Vader handing out masks…
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Nothing.
That’s what I want to know about the health benefits of this noxious weed.
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A jellyfish martini glass?
Yes please!
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I may be speaking for myself, but a good Camembert does more for my soul than Jesus ever has.
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Why did I ever stop drinking lemon drops? A recent visit to our favorite restaurant found me sitting next to two women of a certain age, one of whom was celebrating a birthday. They were drinking lemon drop martinis, so I did as well. It’s all about solidarity.
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Best name for a spaghetti sauce, ever.
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My girlfriend and I had a long overdue day of thrift store shopping recently. I’ve missed that. Good company, a nice lunch and of course, a few laughs.
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I know nothing about yoga and have never tried it but if you’re so inclined, please tell me…. are bubbles required?
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Because my behind is round enough without bubbles and puckers thank you very much.
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I always cruise Goodwill’s book section. Sadly along with every other damn thing lately, the prices have doubled. Books I used to buy for $3 are now $6-7. Still cheaper than buying new…. unless you’re this particular book of course. $7.98 new, $9.00 at Goodwill. Not much of a bargain there.
🥴
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Protein bars with attitude.
And then there’s this last treasure. I didn’t buy it because my kitchen is already crammed with dozens of cookbooks I never use.
But damn…
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It would have made a great gag gift someday.
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You may not need them, but after seeing this post…. I think we both know you’re going to want them.
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Hats.
For your bananas.
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Admit it. You’ve always wanted to slice a Viking into your morning cereal.
Am I ripe?
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You know your cat is spoiled when he gets lifted up to the window to watch the birds.
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Pint of beer my husband recently received at our local pub. I detest IPA’s, but beer is my juice of choice.
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Results of a horrible multi unit fire that displaced 10 people in our town. This is what the old farm used to look like in the 1800’s.
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By the following day a gofundme campaign had raised $14,000. For a town with a population of just over 700, I’d say we’re pretty generous folk.
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A mussel appetizer the husband ordered this week. I stopped counting at 38. Definitely get your money’s worth there.
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It’s true. He told me….
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This.
This is what happens when temperatures rise too quickly in what should be winter in Maine. All our lovely snow melts, freezes and melts again. We have a skating rink driveway and mini floods everywhere because the ground is still too cold to absorb the water.
This…. is a mess.
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Little dried pieces of fruit have been appearing in strange places around our house as of late.
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On the railings, the steps, at the edge of the gutters. And for a while I just thought the birds bit off more than they could chew. (Do birds chew?)
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But then there she was. Scurrying around the back deck with fruit in her mouth looking for a place to bury her treasure for future consumption.
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I think she must have missed that class at squirrel university.
What a dumb ass.
And speaking of squirrels? While the husband and I decided to take a pass on gifts this Valentines Day… I have to admit he won the card contest hands down.
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It’s perfect.
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Our neighbors. The larger horse is an absolute bully and follows closely behind the pony nipping his butt all day long.
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I keep rooting for the little guy to give him a good swift kick, but clearly he’s a pacifist.
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A recently purchased tee shirt. I can never resist a funny brewery slogan, but when I researched this one I discovered it just sells equipment. No matter, it’s still beer related.
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The look your cat gives you when you don’t share your chicken salad sandwich.
Sorry Dudley, it had onions. I couldn’t.
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Since turning 50? This is the story of my life.
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River's world..... 