Tag Archives: humor

Let’s talk about Spam….

March 18, 2019 Rivergirl 25 Comments

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I have to admit, WordPress’s spam catcher is pretty effective.

Although, come on….

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They could have let that through.

So it never ceases to amaze me how many people and companies keep trying. I mean, yes… practice makes perfect. And kudos to them for their tenacity, but today I had 33 spam messages trapped.

33.

6 of them from the pretty guinea pig.

Buy Amoxil 500mg Amoxicillin http://theprettyguineapig.com/amoxicillin/

Who clearly thinks I need an antibiotic.

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Damn…

That’s a disturbing thought.

Then there’s this cryptic example.

Research – good research is significant to buying
a reliable dress. With the drive comes the need of creation. It is unachievable
to “make” others happy, in but the. That is, as long as you follow that will. http://pro-social.ru/bitrix/redirect.php?event1=&event2=&event3=&goto=http://aidanharris.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php%3Fd=cuci.today

While I agree buying the right dress may require a little extra effort…

wedding-dress-from-60-amp-039-s_o_3055653

They lost me with “It is unachievable
to “make” others happy, in but the. That is, as long as you follow that will.”

Maybe making others happy in the but is achievable.

Don’t scoff, everyone needs a life goal.

I was a little disappointed to see this flagged as Spam –

Frank

20 hours ago·

tunklitankli.com

Spam

Arizona sightseeing ….

Your site has exceptional content. I bookmarked the site

Because hey –

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This one surprised me –

taylor swift 22 live billboard

a day ago·

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It is often a fast-paced, high-risk trading option that potentially
gives substantial returns. This mentality will
absolutely move you killed.

Taylor Swift wants to kill me if I move?

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Yeah, well… bite me Taylor.

You can’t keep a boyfriend and I’ve been married 35 years. Hope your Grammys keep you warm at night.

Then there are the never ending, non stop online casino ads.

These spammers are dedicated. Once they find you? They don’t let go…. but that’s okay. Because yes, they do make me laugh.

live blackjack game

6 days ago·

http://www.goslingshot.com/__media_

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Texas hold em poker has slip on huge around turmoil.

Texas has huge slip ons?

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That’s just wrong.

“…this is nonetheless not preferable to gamble by having an above exhausted head.”

Agreed.

I hate having an above exhausted head.

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..”When asked for advice, the nice I could offer was for him to continue
playing Gin using wife.”

I’m no marriage expert, but the only type of gin I want my husband to be playing with is this:

hACEDEBBA

And finally…

…“Did the enemy team get Baron due to the fact nobody on the own group warded this?
Did an enemy stroll into five of yourself and pass on? Every tiny mistake needs for famous to create certain you can study.
To fail to Do that a lot of.”

Yes, the enemy team got Baron Trump, because really… who wants to deal with that dad on the sidelines?

I don’t remember the enemy strolling in and passing on. Let me ask my 4 other personalities and get back to you.

But…. help me out here. What does every tiny mistake need?

Even I can’t unpack that one.

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A wee bit of snow.

March 16, 2019 Rivergirl 44 Comments

Southern Maine dodged the snow bullet this winter with only a few insignificant storms here and there.

Northern Maine…?

Not so much.

Every time we got an inch?

They got a foot.

Personally, I think that kind of snow is a hoot.

Snow banks?

Yeah, baby.

That’s what I’m talkin’ about!

Snowmobile trail?

It’s there…

Somewhere.

Well, I wouldn’t go that far.

Two years ago this was our driveway –

And yes, that’s a ruler.

Ah, winter.

You make life interesting…

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Anne Taintor gets me.

March 15, 2019 Rivergirl 25 Comments

Yes… she’s a Maine born, Harvard educated artist.

And yes… she addresses domestic stereotypes with humor and advertisements from a bygone era.

But ya know what?

This woman gets me.

See what I mean?

Shoes!

Her annual engagement calendar always has a prominent place on my desk and it never fails to make me smile.

Oh, those perfect 1950’s housewives…. you know the ones – perfectly coiffed, wearing high heels and pearls to wash dishes? The ones who got a little too excited over that new Hoover the husband bought them for their anniversary?

I like to imagine they were thinking this way.

I know I would have.

And if my hubby gave me a Hoover on our anniversary?

Yes, Anne.

You get me.

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I bought a book.

March 14, 2019 Rivergirl 20 Comments

No, that isn’t news.

I’m an avid reader and am probably personally responsible for Jeff Bezos’s ranking on the Fortune 500.

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But this book was special.

As you may know, I have a fondness for chickens.

It started years ago when our farming neighbor moved in across the street and asked us to ~~baby~~ chicken sit.

Matter of fact, here’s a picture of the husband trying to speak to those first chickens.

As you can see, it didn’t go well. The chickens weren’t paying attention.

Were his conversational skills severely lacking…

Or did he just not speak their language?

The chickens might have been saying all kinds of fascinating things!

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Or not.

The point is we didn’t know.

And as the flocks grew larger…

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We made friends…

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But the language barrier was problematic.

My pathetic attempts at cooing were for naught.

Clearly the birds had something to say.

Possibly deep, philosophical things….

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But we couldn’t decipher it.

Until now.

So join me on the journey.

And we’ll explore these topics.

Admit it.

There have been times you’ve wanted to chat up a chicken too.

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It will be fun…

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A little catch up…

March 12, 2019 Rivergirl 25 Comments

Since it took me a month and a half to post vacation pics, it’s time to get you back up to speed on the ~~dreadfully boring~~ fascinating tidbits that are my life.

You may have heard the government had a shut down during our trip. Luckily this caused us no financial hardships, but it did mean the husband’s paychecks were delayed. And being the federal government, you know they had to make something simple ridiculously difficult.

The husband gets paid the same amount every 2 weeks. Same amount of pay, same amount of deductions. You would think they could just deposit the 2 missing paychecks.

But no.

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Whaaaat?

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It shouldn’t surprise you that as of today, his pay is still hosed up.

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Now to the weather…

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Yeah.

It’s been cold.

And yeah.

You did.

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The back yard deer are hungry.

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And so are the turkeys.

We love the deer. The turkeys? Not so much.

They’re comical… but they poop. A lot.

Enough said.

Valentines Day came and went…

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The husband sent me roses.

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And I gave him a framed shot of the night sky from the exact location of our wedding day.

aww-you-guys

I know.

We’re so special it hurts.

Of course the really wonderful thing about Valentines Day is the day after….

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When chocolate is half price!

That’s the definition of true love right there.

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Because nothing ever goes smoothly.

March 11, 2019 Rivergirl 12 Comments

As we were driving down to Phoenix, I checked my Delta mobile app and saw that not only had our flight been cancelled due to bad weather, but that we’d been scheduled for one the following day… which was forecast to be an even worse storm.

Thinking oh Hell no, I called the airline and ~~argued, cursed,~~ ~~berated,~~ begged, pleaded, flirted, and okay…. promised a future child to secure us a flight for that day.

Im-not-proud

It worked, but we couldn’t fly into Maine as planned and could only get as far as Boston. This forced the husband to frantically scour his phone contacts to see which friend he could talk into driving south 3 hours in a raging blizzard to pick us up.

You find out who your true friends are in situations like that.

vndgfue

Yeah.

Because I can’t honestly say I would have done it.

And now….

The required ~~she has to have the window seat so she can take pictures even though she has no idea where or what they are~~ aerial photos.

No matter how many times I fly…

I’m always that geeky kid who gets a huge kick out of looking down on our world.

The ever changing landscapes never cease to thrill me.

The grandeur of the mountains…

The ridiculous giant tiddly winks….

It’s all good.

What do you do with a 4 hour layover in Minneapolis?

You drink….

You eat a surprisingly decent shrimp alfredo….

And watch this cowpoke couple play video games without speaking to each other for over an hour and a half.

Not one word.

Ah, modern living. Where the art of conversation is well and truly dead.

Long story short…

( Who am I kidding, I’ve never told a short story in my life. This vacation was 2 weeks long and it’s taken me 48 days to blog about it. But in my defense? There were a lot of rocks.)

We arrived home exhausted at 4:30 am… after a nail biting (just an expression, I pay way too much for these babies to nibble) 5 hour (should have taken 2.5) snow blinded (there must have been a road, but we didn’t see it) ice covered (slipperier than a Trump family lawyer) drive.

The end.

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No, truly.

No more rocks, no more vacation pics.

I don’t even have the next trip planned yet.

i-felt-a-great-disturbance-in-the-force-as-if-millions-of-voices-suddenly-breathed-a-sigh-of-relief

And now..

Back to your regularly scheduled program.

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Goodbye rocks…

March 10, 2019 Rivergirl 31 Comments

The day I’d been dreading had arrived.

Our Arizona departure.

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(Hang on, not quite yet.)

We packed, and while cleaning out the condo I found this.

Oh, sure. Hide the wild animal warning sheet where the unsuspecting tourists won’t find it until it’s too late. Heck, I would have enjoyed spotting the occasional wild pig or bloodthirsty squirrel strolling the grounds during our stay… but no. And now we’re leaving. What a rip off.

Check out time was 10:00 am, but our flight didn’t leave till 2:30 pm so we took our time and said goodbye to the rocks.

The beautiful red rocks…

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We said goodbye to the pink sidewalks and buildings…

I even said goodbye to this guy…

Who was still trying to escape the rocks.

We had our last chuckle at the weirdest mailbox we’d ever seen.

And bid the rocks farewell…

You’re beautiful….

And we will miss you..

(Okay, I’ll miss you. The husband said once you’ve seen one rock, you’ve seen them all. He’s a heathen. A heathen I tell you!)

And just like that, we were gone…

Heading down to Phoenix to catch our flight.

Phoenix.

Where there are no rocks…

Just cactus.

Lots and lots of cactus.

Veritable forests of cactus.

Some of them … weird.

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Okay…

Not that weird, but still.

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It’s all about the rocks… and some food.

March 9, 2019 Rivergirl 18 Comments

Our last meal in Sedona was a late lunch and of course, it turned out to be the best restaurant we found during our two week trip.

Yes Martin, this is a food filled post.

You’re welcome.

Perched on top of a hill, the Mariposa Grille had some great views. (Of rocks.)

Mariposa means butterfly in Spanish, and they featured prominently in the decor at this Latin themed beauty.

Views (And rocks! Did you see the rocks?) aside..

It was a large…

And rather impressive place.

I mean hey, check out that door.

It’s made of rocks!

There was live music with a Spanish guitar, and more beautiful views.

(Of rocks!)

I ordered a few Caipirinhas… the national drink of Brazil.

Just to get in the proper mood and spirit of the place.

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And then on the advice of the waiter, we tried the Yuca fries.

Not to be confused with Yucca… which apparently tastes like soap… the Yuca were too die for!

To be honest, I had no idea what they were at that point.

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But had I Googled this Yuca meme beforehand?

I most assuredly would have passed.

Lunch for me was the Funghi Sublime. And sublime it was.

Scottsdale Burger Battle Judges’s Choice Winner 2018 ~ Smothered in sauteed Mushrooms, finished with imported Truffle Cheese and Truffle Dijonnaise

That burger positively melted in my mouth and was expertly cooked.

My husband ordered the Senor Fish, and was not disappointed either.

Pan-Fried and Seasoned with their House Rub, Lemon-Caper Aioli, and Shredded Romaine, on a Whole Grain Bun accompanied by 3 Seed Coleslaw.

This was an upscale South American restaurant with Latin inspired cuisine, and everything was served on the most wonderful plates. (Rocks! They were made from rocks!) I wish we’d found it sooner and been able to go back for a full dinner. I’m sure it would have been marvelous.

How upscale you ask?

There was some interesting artwork hanging on the walls…

Made with some rather expensive rocks.

And they were all for sale.

Yeah.

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Rocks.

Ya gotta love ’em.

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But maybe not that much.

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Splatter dabs, rat urine and my worst nightmare.

March 8, 2019 Rivergirl 23 Comments

I learned a lot on our final walk around the Sedona Heritage Museum.

(I’d ask you to name this rusty piece of crap, but they beat me to it.)

I learned about tent houses.

All the comforts of home.

Not.

And if I needed any more proof that I wouldn’t have made a good settler’s wife?

That’s it right there.

I also learned about big pancakes.

Really big pancakes.

Which got me thinking…

blood-is-than-water-but-maple-syrup-is-thicker-than-blood-so-technically-pancakes-are-more-important-than-family-2VOAz

Makes perfect sense to me.

Entering the fruit packing shed that was used when the property was a working orchard..

The husband fell in love with this old machine.

Which I admit was kind of cool.

But I also liked the funky steam punk apple peeler.

Although that first bite has got to be hard on the teeth.

The shed had a lovely old carriage.

And a short film on the history of Sedona.

There was also some fascinating info on rat urine.

Yes, rat urine.

A woefully under explored topic in most museums…

I often call my husband a pack rat, because he comes home with all sorts of ~~trash~~ treasure as well.

But damn. 20,000 years?

That’s some powerful pee.

i-agree-gfyj5g

And now, our final discovery.

My worst nightmare.

There was a small section on prohibition…

And yes, I may have wept.

Oh…

The horror!

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John Wayne and $40 text messages.

March 7, 2019 Rivergirl 28 Comments

This cute little building was next up on our tour of the Sedona Heritage Museum.

Admittedly it didn’t look like much upon entry.

But then the husband saw this…

And I can’t swear to it, but I think he might have orgasmed right then and there.

Me?

Because as much as I love history, including that of the old west… I despise the old Hollywood westerns. The inaccuracies, the one dimensional characters, the predictable plots? You can have them.

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Yes, I know… it’s unAmerican. So sue me. But the soundtrack to my 35 year marriage has been Rio Bravo, Eldorado, and The Sons of Katie Elder. If I never see another John Wayne movie? I will die a happy woman.