Tag Archives: marriage

We don’t need no stinkin’ downspout!

July 29, 2020 Rivergirl 28 Comments

Or so my husband said when we were redoing the deck railings.

He took the old one down and elected not to put it back up.

Why?

Oh, he mumbled something about tearing down all the old gutters and replacing them, but honestly I think he just didn’t want to mess with it. Which was fine, until rain was in the forecast and I told him it might be a good idea to put it back up.

Life would be so much easier if he listened to me…. but no.

So, it rained.

Not a lot, but enough so we had a torrent of water flooding the garden bed and sloshing mulch and dirt everywhere.

I didn’t say a word… though I might have smirked.

I mean really. How could I not?

So out he went, poor guy.

And naturally the downspout didn’t pop back on as easily as it came off.

Numerous adjustments were made.

With a hammer and some colorful language.

By the time he was done, he was soaked and the spout was screwed. Literally and figuratively…. because he broke a piece and had to Jerry rig it.

Now wouldn’t this have been easier…. not to mention drier…. if he had just listened to me in the first place?

Men.

You never learn.

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Kitchen aerobics.

July 27, 2020 Rivergirl 27 Comments

I’m beginning to get used to having the husband work from home.

Yes, it’s a little annoying trying to tiptoe around the house and be quiet all day long…. but there are distinct advantages.

Advantage #1?

It’s harder for him to avoid the honey do list that’s been growing exponentially since we moved in 18 years ago.

No more long commutes from the office, no more grumpy, tired of fighting I-95 traffic on the way home husband.

When he clocks out? I can grab him.

This week it was for blind installation in the kitchen.

Which in the tight space over the sink wasn’t as easy as it sounds.

He got quite a workout.

Take that Jane Fonda.

As the hours wore on ( what… you thought it would be minutes? ) the brackets wouldn’t mount properly, and when they did, the blinds wouldn’t click into place.

Serious thought went into why they crashed to the ground every time you pulled them down.

Non OSHA approved climbing apparatus was used.

And curtain rod mounts had to be removed, reinstalled, removed, repositioned, removed again and yes, cursed. Repeatedly.

Want to frustrate your husband? Forget withholding sex…. make him hang curtains.

But finally it was done.

They moved up and down and stayed there.

If you’ve never tried this kind of blind, I highly recommend them. They’re attractive and block the hot sun while allowing filtered light to shine through.

And if you need some installed? Let me know.

I’m sure the husband is anxious to do a few more.

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Why do they never listen?

July 25, 2020 Rivergirl 10 Comments

Yes men, I’m talking about you.

Remember the tree planting miracle I posted about a while ago? When the husband dug up and transplanted 3 maple trees to the far corners of our backyard?

Yes, the ones I had to water everyday because we were entering drought conditions.

Well, that stopped when I broke my toe and I told the other half he’d have to take over the job if he wanted his trees to survive.

Water every day I told him.

Which is what I did, religiously, with his little patch of grass seed next to the baby barn.

Under my watchful eye the seed sprouted…

And is now green…

Thick and lush.

The trees?

That the husband didn’t bother to water because of course I don’t know what I’m talking about…..

Not so much.

After brown?

Came bare twig.

If only he’d listened to his wife…

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Another project?

July 24, 2020 Rivergirl 22 Comments

My husband surprised me the other day with new gutters.

Yes…. some women get diamonds, I get downspouts.

But these had been a long time coming and after nearly being bludgeoned by icicles from water running off the garage last winter?

It was time.

I had other things to do that day but husband asked me to help for 30 minutes because he said that’s all it would take.

Silly, silly man.

The first section went up easily.

Too easily as it turns out….

Which the hose test proved.

It leaked.

I was then directed to a different spot, which also leaked.

Vowing to fix it later, the husband moved on, installed 2 more sections and then needed an end cap.

Which I now believe are the work of the devil.

One of these should have fit on the end of that piece to block the water.

Please note my use of the word should.

Adjustments were made.

Then larger adjustments.

Some of them not at all subtle.

But it worked.

Of course we were still left with the leaking problem on the first section. And after much discussion, it was decided the shingles on the non leaking end…

Over hung the roof a fraction of an inch further…

Than the shingles on the leaking end. And there’s not much you can do about that.

My solution?

Caulk it!

But the husband hates caulk so we spent the next 3 hours, yes… 3 hours….. trying to find a solution.

Little pieces of white plastic were cut to sit on the top of the clips and divert the flow.

But it didn’t work.

Long pieces of clear plastic were sought.

And carefully cut into strips to tuck under the flashing.

But still, it leaked.

Numerous ladder safety warnings were ignored during this process.

And still, it leaked.

Late in the afternoon, after spending way too much time on a half hour project….

The husband surrendered.

It’s raining as I write this…. and guess what?

No leaks.

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Things there are no explanation for.

July 23, 2020 Rivergirl 34 Comments

The grill cover that came with our new grill.

Mind you, it’s custom made for this particular grill so it’s not a matter of fit.

So why on earth would a cover, that’s ostensibly used to protect the metal from the elements, have an opening of netted mesh where the metal controls are located?

Why?

2. Mexican toilet paper.

I live in Maine, which is as far as you can get from Mexico and still be in the United States….

So why were these the only brands available on the grocery store shelf this week?

Why?

3. Why is there a squirrel on top of my bicycle in the garage?

If your answer is “You don’t ride it, so why shouldn’t he?” that’s technically correct, but doesn’t explain how he got in the garage or why he wouldn’t rather use that special car wash broom attachment my husband had to have but never used instead. He had to walk past 2 dirty cars to find the bicycle…. and that’s just rude.

Why?

4. Why is there coffee all over my kitchen cabinets?

IMG_E4613

Not the lower cabinets mind you, where I could understand a little spillage…. but the upper. Did Micheal J. Fox sneak in for a cuppa while I wasn’t looking? Was the husband gettin’ jiggy with it while I was in the shower?

I don’t drink coffee, so no. I didn’t catch a glimpse of a bare chested Jason Momoa on the television and have a muscle spasm.

images

Photo for reference purposes only.

Really.

And to think it only took me an hour to choose that particular shot. 😈

So…. why?

If you can explain any of these unexplainable circumstances, I’d be most grateful.

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Project finale.

July 20, 2020 Rivergirl 17 Comments

Railing installation on the last section of deck required measuring.

So much measuring.

I figured 16 balustrades, at 5 1/2 inches apart.

Which the husband started to implement and then chose to ignore.

Why did he change the spacing?

I have no idea.

But he continued on his path.

And shockingly, something was off.

There he is with the little level again.

Silly man, didn’t he learn anything from the baby barn?

When he reached the end? He had too much room to leave it open, but not enough room to evenly space a rail.

So he jammed one in anyway, because at that point he didn’t care.

I did, but managed to swallow my criticism. It was done, and looked a damn sight better than it used to.

Before:

After:

Before:

After:

I’m pleased with it, as long as I don’t focus on symmetry.

It’s a cleaner, more modern look.

But now I can’t decide if the white lattice panel should stay or go.

Guess that can wait till I restain the deck.

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Slow and steady wins the race.

July 17, 2020 Rivergirl 18 Comments

But it doesn’t get your deck railing project finished any sooner.

We were back at it and it was still hot.

Unfortunately the heat wave coincided with an extended dry spell and our lawn was starting to crunch.

But old railings were torn down.

And rusty nails exposed.

I stained the new wood we had to waste almost 2 hours going to get that morning because someone… I won’t mention who… cut the other pieces incorrectly.

And then that someone (oops, my bad) discovered a sander in the barn and wanted to play.

He was fine on the flat surfaces, but scared me to death when he started trying to sand in between. That thing would hit a beam, jump out of his hand and spin wildly across the deck. It happened a dozen times but I could never quite catch it on film.

In between his legs.

Close to the power cord.

I knew something was gonna give, and it did.

That thing jumped up and sliced his jeans right open. Thankfully he wasn’t hurt, but at that point I said no more sanding!

Which he completely ignored and kept sanding.

After sanding, and almost slicing his leg off?

He hammered nails.

And swept the same portion of deck I had just swept.

Apparently I didn’t do it right.

We did manage to get a few pieces of wood installed before dinner.

With some gentle persuasion.

So this was basically it.

For a whole days work.

Good thing no one is paying us by the hour……

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Flowers, flags and foolishness.

July 10, 2020 Rivergirl 17 Comments

Flowers –

For a pure burst of summer color?

You can’t beat peonies.

They’re bright, lush and smell heavenly.

Flags –

Or as my husband calls them…

Guest towels from the spare bathroom you nail into a long piece of wood when your wife isn’t looking.

Foolishness –

The gift a friend gives you because she knows you’re allergic to horsefly bites.

With a name like the Bug Bite Thing, you don’t expect it to work.

And no surprise, it didn’t. A horsefly bit me, I suctioned my arm as directed and still swelled up like a politician at a pay by the plate fundraising dinner.

More foolishness –

Contains 40% urea.

WTF!

Don’t know what urea is?

Google it, I’ll wait.

**********************

Right?

Who in the world wants to rub urine on their feet.

And on the off chance I ever do? I’ll save myself some money and ask the neighbor’s dog to pee on me. Lord knows he’s been trying to for years.

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And the deck project begins.

July 10, 2020 Rivergirl 23 Comments

But not before another trip to the store to buy wood.

(Yes, I know the husband is wearing his mask incorrectly but his glasses kept fogging up)

Two perfect pieces for the top of the railing had to be found. And even though we were searching through the more expensive smoothed cedar boards?

They were rife with holes, chops, cracks and warty blemishes.

After 45 minutes…

We moved on to the 2×4’s.

Is it any wonder our small weekend projects turn into 3 month long slog fests?

So this is our deck, and those are the railings that will be replaced.

Hopefully by the end of summer.

Of 2020.

First step…. remove the old railings.

The first few were easy as they had been screwed.

Then it got harder with massive doubled rusty nails that didn’t want to let go.

Did I mention we picked the middle of a heat wave with record breaking temperatures to start this project.

How hot was it….?

Okay, not quite. Though it felt that way.

That thermometer was sitting on the table in direct sunlight.

It was actually this hot, in the shade.

And for Maine?

That is insanely frickin’ hot.

But progress was made.

And halted when rotting beam sections had to be cut out.

With 1950’s era tools.

Yes, I’m afraid so.

And you know what happens when you use power tools from the middle of the last century?

Nothing good.

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It’s just wood.

July 8, 2020 Rivergirl 21 Comments

No, not that kind of wood.

The kind that my husband wanted to replace this:

Our deck railings, which are rotting in a few places.

I’ve tried to talk him into ripping the whole deck out and putting in Trek composite…. yours truly is tired of staining every 2-3 years…. but no. He got half of the deck wood at a yard sale, for free.

It must be preserved.

Did it match the existing wider deck planks?