.
Because I’m still trying to laugh.
.
.
This just keeps getting worse and worse.
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Teleworking…. everyone is doing it.
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.
It’s here and we have to deal with it. Might as well mellow out if you can.
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.
They weren’t.
They definitely weren’t.
.
.
Yes, please.
And maybe into 2022 just to be safe.
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Swiss chard, celery, onion, basil, radishes, carrots, dill, scallions, tomato, pepper and something I’d never tried before.
A Korean melon.
It’s a delicate flavor, like cantaloupe… with the consistency of a cucumber.
At the store this week –
A clearance sale on Hostess coffee.
Poor SnoBalls.
Apparently no one likes them in caffeinated liquid form either.
Italian flour.
WTH?
Do the Irish and French have some as well. And if so, why?
Gag.
More meatless meat. This time in balls.
So wrong.
And yes, the brand name toilet paper was still on the shelves.
But right across the aisle?
Not a Brawny or Bounty in sight.
Thirsty paper towels?
Trust me, they’re anything but.
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Scarlett O’Hara was quite a broad.
Selfish? Yes. Manipulative? Most assuredly. But lately, I’ve seen shades of myself in her most famous quote:
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.
Never again.
Yes dear readers, I have vowed that a fall resurgence of the world wide pandemic will not catch me unaware again.
It’s true.
I have become that which I despise.
.
.
There are 16 boxes of tissues in my spare bathroom closet.
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And yes….
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There are 23 rolls of paper towels and 22 rolls of toilet paper in my spare bathroom tub.
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So bring it Covid 19 hoarding shoppers! Clear the store shelves of bathroom paper supplies at your first October sniffle.
River Scarlett is ready.
She will never wipe her butt with sandpaper again!
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Milton Berle said laughter is an instant vacation.
So you might as well laugh, because no one’s going to Cabo anytime soon.
This week’s selections have a theme….
Which is basically 2020 bites….
And we’re over it.
Never has there been such a crazy, utterly wasted year.
Yes….
That pretty much says it all.
The summer bounty continues.
And if you’ve never tried fresh lemon basil?
Please do. It’s wonderful.
Vegan bratwurst? Oh, the horror!
Kindly keep your kale out of my artery clogging sausage. If this shows up at the next beer festival I attend….. there will be blood in the streets.
My only question here is… why?
And for something on the opposite end of the spectrum…..
Which also makes me ask… why?
Heritage popcorn?
Proof positive yuppies will buy anything that’s ridiculously overpriced.
Is it any surprise this was the only bottle left? I think not.
And finally, the real shock of the day.
Toilet paper is back… and brand names at that!
So if you heard them broadcast a code for ‘crazy lady doing happy dance on aisle 13’?
Pay no attention, the unadulterated joy of not wiping my butt with sandpaper just got away from me for a moment.
Because laughter is the cheapest form of therapy.
Damn!
That must be it.
At least now I know where it all went.
A pox on you Picard family.
Wow.
That’s something to ponder.
Jesus!
So did I.
They’re right, we were.
And none of us listened.
I anxiously await the day.
Mind you, it’s custom made for this particular grill so it’s not a matter of fit.
So why on earth would a cover, that’s ostensibly used to protect the metal from the elements, have an opening of netted mesh where the metal controls are located?
Why?
2. Mexican toilet paper.
I live in Maine, which is as far as you can get from Mexico and still be in the United States….
So why were these the only brands available on the grocery store shelf this week?
Why?
3. Why is there a squirrel on top of my bicycle in the garage?
If your answer is “You don’t ride it, so why shouldn’t he?” that’s technically correct, but doesn’t explain how he got in the garage or why he wouldn’t rather use that special car wash broom attachment my husband had to have but never used instead. He had to walk past 2 dirty cars to find the bicycle…. and that’s just rude.
Why?
4. Why is there coffee all over my kitchen cabinets?
Not the lower cabinets mind you, where I could understand a little spillage…. but the upper. Did Micheal J. Fox sneak in for a cuppa while I wasn’t looking? Was the husband gettin’ jiggy with it while I was in the shower?
I don’t drink coffee, so no. I didn’t catch a glimpse of a bare chested Jason Momoa on the television and have a muscle spasm.
Photo for reference purposes only.
Really.
And to think it only took me an hour to choose that particular shot. 😈
So…. why?
If you can explain any of these unexplainable circumstances, I’d be most grateful.
Lately there’s always something photo worthy at the grocery store.
Since the viral apocalypse, I’ve been seeing weird things on the shelves. Every day items have been replaced with generic and no name brands.
And when it comes to no name brands?
You can’t get any more nameless than this toilet paper.
Not wasting money on advertising slogans here. No sir.
Another weird sight?
A line of products approved by a skinny earth friendly butcher.
Beefy flavored stroganoff?
I’ll pass.
Chickenless Buffalo chicken?
Nope. It’s all yours.
But at least the pad Thai had authentic rice noodles. Because there’s nothing worse than wannabe rice.
And okay, I get it…. vegans have to eat. But it always makes me chuckle the lengths they’ll go to to approximate the taste of meat. If they don’t want to eat animal flesh, fine. They can stuff themselves with kale. Heck, I’ll gladly give them my share.
But enough with the winking plant protein butcher.
He’s not fooling anyone.
Get a grip.
I made a trek to the grocery store today where I was met with the same empty ‘oh my God the sky is falling and we’ll never be able to buy dish soap again’ shelves.
Yes, dish soap.
Good grief, are we still doing this?
By all means wear a mask to protect others.
Preferably color coordinated to your shirt.
But enough with the ‘we must fill the underground bunker with every canned good in a 600 mile radius’ mentality.
The news squawks about meat shortages…. but the cases were full of every conceivable type of flesh imaginable.
But rice?
Unless you want red quinoa brown…. which I didn’t, and never will ….. no can do.
Tolerant chick pea and green lentil pasta?
No, damn it! I have no tolerance for that.
Toilet paper? Nope.
Not unless you’re supposed to use those strategically placed plastic loofahs.
Look… there’s one shaped like an ice cream cone!
That has possibilities.
The lack of eggs was definitely a new development.
When I spoke with the cashier she assured me that they do get regular deliveries and stock the shelves as they always have. No one has an explanation for the continued panic buying after all this time.
It really is getting old, as well as ridiculous.
Because I’d rather laugh than scream.
Neither did I.
If I had, I might still have the hangover.
Even I have to admit, that is a good deal.
True.
Which shows it really is all about perspective.
Seems like a reasonable answer.
It’s alright.
I’ll salute him either way.
And that is the truth!
At least around here…
