Category Archives: Uncategorized

Uncategorized

Ukraine

8 Comments

.

While there’s nothing at all funny about the humanitarian crisis in Ukraine or the atrocities being committed by Vladimir Putin, the following things made me smile and I’m going to share them. No snide political comments necessary.

.

.

I wouldn’t doubt this one bit.

.

.

I’ll drink to that. Cheers!

.

.

And while I know these little symbols of support do nothing to help the poor people of Ukraine, it is nice to see the world united for a change.

.

.

Even the famous Boston ducks are on board.

.

.

And yes, I bitch about gas prices like the rest of us.

.

.

But when you put it in perspective, if it would help the Ukrainians… instead of lining the pockets of greedy oil companies we already subsidize… I would gladly pay $10 a gallon.

.

Uncategorized

Fuzz… part 3.

8 Comments

.

At the turn of the century, Indian leopards developed a taste for human flesh. (If that’s not a great line to start a blog? I don’t know what is.)

.

.

Pop a hot coal in grandma’s mouth and roll her down the hill? I know India is hot… but that’s cold.

.

.

As much as I love all animals… (and I do! Weirdos like wombats, echidnas, and warthogs? Love ‘em all.) I can not stand monkeys. They’re shifty little bastards and this proves my point.

.

.

Jet propelled ejaculate? Yet another reason to dislike monkeys…

.

.

I’m sure that’s more than you ever wanted to know about jerking off a monkey, but I live to educate.

You’re welcome.

.

.

Religion is a strange thing. When random rats start dropping from the sky? My first thought is not going to be a blessing, I can guarantee you that.

.

.

This is wonderful news. I must move to Britain immediately! Red squirrels are in decline? It sounds like heaven.

.

Uncategorized

Reason, thy name is cat.

32 Comments

.

There are many reasons I choose to blog from my iPhone instead of my computer.

#1. Since we live in rural Maine… land of slow as molasses internet service… it’s quicker.

#2. It’s portable, I can blog wherever I want and don’t need to be stuck behind my desk.

#3. I take most of my pictures with my phone so it’s easier to plop them in posts.

But the 4th and most important reason I rarely blog from my computer?

.

.

Lord Dudley Mountcatten, who sees no earthly reason why he shouldn’t sit right in front of the screen two seconds after I turn it on.

.

.

Attention must be paid.

.

Uncategorized

News you can’t use, the question edition.

19 Comments

.

This week, my headlines were full of questions….. and I’m counting on you to provide some answers.

.

.

I once ate a chocolate covered grasshopper. Unknowingly, because I was a child at my father’s office party and the buffet table that was laden with caviar, oysters and foie gras held absolutely no appeal. I saw chocolate. I ate chocolate. I was immediately sorry and spit the crunchy chocolate into a napkin. When I saw the chocolate had legs? I may have screamed. Needless to say that was the last Wall Street brokerage firm party I ever attended.

.

.

This must be a trick question. It contends that people acquire whiskey and fail to drink it. This does not compute.

.

.

I have to admit I’ve never thought about this….. but damn. I’m hoping my brain dies with me. The thought that I’ll be navigating the afterlife without one while my brain is still here contemplating the mysteries of life (The Yeti… missing link or just Nick Nolte after a particularly rough weekend? Justin Bieber…. they say he’s Canadian, but I’m thinking alien life form. Jimmy Hoffa… is he really dead, or just kicking back in Boca enjoying the early bird special at Golden Corral? ) is quite troubling.

.

.

Tough call, right?

.

Uncategorized

And to think I’ve been using blue cheese all these years…

33 Comments

.

Can’t afford that diamond ring you’ve been eyeing at the jewelry store? No worries, I’ve got your back.

.

.

Grab that Hidden Valley Ranch and get cooking!

.

.

Yes, this is real. And that’s a picture of the final product, which honestly… doesn’t look too shabby as far as ranch dressings go.

.

.

If you’re interested, jump on eBay.

.

.

Though I dare say it might be less expensive to try making your own.

.

Uncategorized

Of icicles and emus.

18 Comments

.

A melting and refreezing winter means ice. And ice means icicles.

.

.

I don’t know why, but this one downspout on the edge of our garage always puts on a show.

.

.

A few years back we measured it at four and a half feet. Of course come spring, all that melting and freezing will yield this:

.

.

And that’s not nearly as much fun.

.

.

I still haven’t discovered where the local emus are hiding, but from the price of those eggs I’m thinking maybe we should start raising them. $15 a pop? Yikes!

.

Uncategorized

News you can’t use.

26 Comments

.

What passes for news these days is beyond ridiculous.

.

.

I neither know nor care what the Rock eats for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. However, if you find a chunk of quartz that eats three squares a day? Now there’s an article I’ll read.

.

.

Hold on… what?

.

.

There you have it. Proof you can earn a living wage without a college education.

.

.

When the headline promises to reveal the number one ice cream in the US? I pay attention. But damn, look how small that container is.

.

.

That’s not my normal type of pint, but with flavors like that I’d be sorely tempted to switch.

.

.

No, I really won’t. Cut flowers are lovely but I will not be sharing my Grey Goose with a bouquet of tulips anytime soon.

.

Uncategorized

Fuzz… part 2.

14 Comments

.

Elephant vs human. Who comes out on top, who’s squished to the depth of a pancake ? Mary travels to India to find out.

.

.

If you know me, you know I had to find that engraving.

.

.

A tad disappointing as dismemberments go, but hey, I tried.

.

.

A shit differential! For 400 lbs a day? I hope it was double overtime equivalent.

.

.

Proof that you can indeed be too drunk.

There’s a large section on elephants in this book including tips on which ones to avoid.

.

.

Sounds like a lot of young males I’ve known.

.

.

The elephant pension plan doesn’t sound too bad. Room and board with daily massages? That’s a damn sight better than Wal Mart I’m sure.

.