Tag Archives: beauty

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Things I don’t need today.

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While it’s true my face may not be as firm and tight as it once was…

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I have no desire to cover it in Pepto Bismol rubber either. Sometimes the price of beauty is too high.

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Is it? Because that doesn’t look the least bit appetizing to me. I need my meat to bun ratio a lot lower than this.

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Would duct tape work just as well?

Asking for a friend.

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I saw this remarkably accurate John Wayne doll in an antique store the other day and was ready to lambaste the seller for spelling effigy incorrectly…. until I did some research and discovered Effanbee is a company that produces collectible dolls. It’s a good thing my husband didn’t see it. I don’t need that horror staring me down in the man cave bar.

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I see your dogs playing poker velvet wall hanging and raise you one toothless, cigar smoking set of gambling scallops.

My money’s on the straight flush mollusk.

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Up close and personal.

18 Comments

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The husband came home from the gas station with something cradled in his hands the other day.

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A perfectly dried and preserved Monarch butterfly he found on top of the gas pump.

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Such delicate, beautiful creatures.

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He (she?) will reside on the auxiliary desk in our home office, with the hummingbird nest a girlfriend gave me and the pig made from nut shells I bought in Chinatown when I was a child.

🙂

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Can I call a time out?

23 Comments

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Being in my fifties and happily married for 38 years, I admit there are days when my normal beauty routine takes a back seat to comfort, convenience and a why bother attitude. My pedicure is in need of a touch up and no, it wouldn’t hurt to retire those comfy yoga pants that are wearing a bit thin in places.

Our house is a no judgement zone but clearly my news feed is not. They’re constantly bombarding me with ridiculous articles and ads pushing the idea that I’ll never be pretty, thin or young enough.

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I have special conditioners for my hair, my face, my hands and my feet… for the love of God, I do not need one for my eyebrows.

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I fear for this generation. I really do.

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Did they really say mature women with a straight face? No one wants to see mature women in a pair of Daisy Dukes and a sleeveless top cut down to there. Don’t believe me? Go shopping at Wal Mart on a warm summer afternoon.

😳

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Weird things you might need.

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I don’t need this…

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But I won’t judge you if it’s something you want to try.

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Who am I kidding? That sounds disgusting. And don’t even think about wiping your hands on my guest towels after you apply it.

I will hurt you.

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Good grief. Along with all the other parts of my body that are sagging…. now I have to worry about droopy gums?

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Does lip temperature change?

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Mood lipstick of the 90’s? Hell… I’m old enough to remember mood rings from the 70’s.

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Things I will never need.

15 Comments

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Would I like a Hermès bag? Sure.

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Would I like a Hermès bag made from fungus? Oddly enough, I would not.

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Say it isn’t so. Good grief… the model doesn’t even look happy.

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On a list of ridiculous things no one needs? This has got to be in the top 5.

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$1,000 a pair!

You might as well wear a sign that says “Yes, I’m a moron. Thanks for noticing”

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How could I not?

16 Comments

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I saw this ad a while back and knew I had to try it.

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I mean really, how could I resist?

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Though despite the name, I won’t be rubbing it on my bum.

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I have no earthly idea what cupuacu butter is….

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But the fact that the cream is actually pronounced ‘boom boom’… makes it worth the risk.

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I’m not loving or flaunting what I’ve got. Nope. Not for years, there’s just too much of it now.

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But this stuff is rich, delightfully creamy and smells absolutely fabulous. The scent is almost strong enough to wear as a light perfume. And if the guarana wants to tighten my thighs? Who am I to argue.

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If it could do something about my hot flashing red cheeks? I’d buy it by the barrel.

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A small collection of nonsense.

25 Comments

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I saw this at Goodwill last week… and it made me wonder how many women in the 60’s stuck their face in a cone for the sake of beauty.

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The ridiculous cat products are still popping up on my Facebook feed.

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Saw this license plate and thought…. why would anyone want to be BoBo?

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For anyone who doesn’t remember….

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BoBo was a blow up punching bag…. and part of a groundbreaking study about learned aggressive behavior.

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And if ridiculous cat products aren’t ridiculous enough? This abomination popped up on my Facebook feed the other day.

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And I seriously don’t want to know what algorithm triggered that!

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I’m a sucker for fruit.

35 Comments

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I love fruit! I love it on my plate, I love it in my drinks and now I’m hoping to love it on my face.

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Enter some highly recommended moisturizer.

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Have you noticed this new trend in packaging? Cute little welcome notes whenever you open a box. Sorry folks, but I’m neither glowing nor part of your gang. (I’m currently picturing juvenile delinquent bananas with their peels undone standing on a street corner, smoking a cigarette and snarling at passers by.)

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Banana soufflé for your face, how bad could it be? They want you to add pineapple serum if you’re looking dull. Heck… if you add a little rum, my skin will perk right up. Guaranteed!

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I admit I was a tad disappointed with the minuscule size of this product. I mean come on, it’s made from bananas. It’s not like they’re rare.

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Vegan and cruelty free is great, but stating you’re free of sulfates and silicons on top of a list of chemicals I can barely pronounce doesn’t exactly scream natural.

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