You have to hang out the window to trim it.
Maybe I should rephrase that….
You have to hang out the window to trim it.
Maybe I should rephrase that….
Yes, this is really happening.
Animal rights organization PETA said Wednesday it had asked the Maine Department of Transportation (DOT) for permission to build a “roadside memorial” along Route 1 near the site of an Aug. 22 crash in Brunswick involving a truck carrying live lobster.
On Aug. 22, a Cozy Harbor Seafood Inc. truck transporting an estimated 7,000 lobsters packaged in 60-70 crates rolled over along Route 1 in Brunswick, sending many of the live crustaceans into the road and ditch. Police said hydroplaning likely caused the crash.
(Click the link to view the carnage)
All lobsters were removed from the scene and many were deemed no longer sellable.
“Countless sensitive crustaceans experienced an agonizing death when this truck rolled over and their bodies came crashing down onto the highway,” said PETA Executive VP Tracy Reiman. “PETA hopes to pay tribute to these individuals who didn’t want to die with a memorial urging people to help prevent future lobster suffering.”
I love my state, I really do.
Maine has beautiful scenery, clean air, quaint villages, a huge craft beer industry and lobster I can’t eat….
But we also have a thirst for knowledge.
And classes for almost everything… as proved by the local continuing education brochure I received last week.
(There’s an ass on the cover named Jack Cass, you know it’s going to be good.)
Alongside the normal foreign language and computer courses there are some Maine-centric things like boat captaining and crossbow hunting, but I’m going to focus on the odd. The funny. And the downright bizarre.
There are too many
seriously wackadoodle choices for one blog, so it’s going to be a weekly series until I run out of ridiculousness. Let’s begin.
Class #1 :
Yes, you read that correctly. The description is as follows…
“What is the value of this spoon bending class? If, with very little training, you can easily bend a spoon that you could not easily bend before (if at all), then you can begin to see how powerful you actually are! Learn to access the subtle energy field that surrounds us all. The metal softening mechanisms you will learn in this class are actually quantum mechanics techniques you can transfer to enhance your daily life. This is the same energy field ancient and new age healers are accessing to perform healings and miracles. You will learn and practice several different techniques that will not only allow you to bend spoons, but allow you to experience inducing other changes in material reality. Learn how healers have been able to mend broken bones instantaneously and see how it might be possible for you to perform miracles in your own life. There is a $10 materials fee payable to the instructor at the start of class. No discounts.”
Let’s break this down –
1) Do I need a spoon to realize how powerful I really am?
2) Transferable techniques to enhance my daily life.
(Sorry, I couldn’t resist)
3) If it’s the same process people are using to perform healing and miracles… why would I be happy just bending a damned spoon?
4) A $10 material fee with no discounts.
What if I bring my own spoon?
Classes start Nov. 7th 6-8:30
Duration 3 weeks.
So I’m an 80’s girl.
I grew up with MTV, parachute pants and yes…
Okay, not that big.
But it’s fair to say I went through a considerable amount of hair spray in that decade and did my part to widen the hole in the ozone layer.
Fashions may have changed….
But my naturally curly hair still requires a
vat of industrial adhesive and a trowel bit of work.
I’m always on the look out for new products and stumbled across this the other day:
Helmet Head sounded about right, so I bought it.
But what did Cationic Hydration Interlink mean?
Definition of cationic. 1 : of or relating to cations. 2 : characterized by an active and especially surface-active cation. a cationic dye.
Thanks for nothing Webster.
Cationic polymerization is a type of chain growth polymerization in which a cationic initiator transfers charge to a monomer which then becomes reactive. This reactive monomer goes on to react similarly with other monomers to form a polymer.
Beyond confused, I went to the source.
Proof positive that even the company who produces it has no clue what the heck it is.
Well, you can string a bunch of science terms together and stamp sucker on my forehead, but that’s okay.
It’s the price we girls pay for looking good.
I live in Maine, land of the lobster I can no longer eat.
It’s a cruel twist of fate which came about 7 years ago. I’d eaten that glorious, butter dripping crustacean all my life and loved every scrumptious bite…. until my traitorous body woke up one day and said no more.
No more lobster chowder, no more lobster rolls, no more lobster pie…. hell they hadn’t even invented lobster mac and cheese yet so I missed that too, damn it! (I’ll spare you the details of what happens if I eat it now, just think Linda Blair in the Exorcist and leave it at that.)
It’s not easy being lobster allergic in Maine, the damned things are everywhere.
On our license plates…
At every biker rally we attend…
cursing everyone for eating lobster when I can’t …. not sitting at the table.
Hell, we even have a festival devoted to the creature.
They crown a queen who leads the parade with King Neptune.
Everyone eats lobster.
(I can’t attend anymore. The husband says drool isn’t my best feature)
Yes, we take our lobster seriously up here and I’ve
railed against fate, banged my head against the wall, invented new swear words learned to live without it.
Why does that damned bottom dwelling bug continue to screw with me?
Yesterday… this showed up in our local grocery stores.
And if that’s not bad enough…
A friend sent me this card.
Now that’s just… wrong.
I know better, and yet…..
Stomach rumbling, I sashay up and down the aisles tossing HoHo’s and Ring Dings in my shopping cart at will.
(If they called them Cellulite Starters and Butt Wideners I wouldn’t, so you see…. it’s really not my fault.)
I buy salad tossers I’ll never toss, fizzy fruited drinks I’ll never drink and worst of all…. more deli meat and cheese than a school cafeteria will use in a month.
Oh, the pressure of the deli counter!
You take a number, wait in line, peruse the 307 varieties of flavored sliced turkey breast and when it’s finally your turn? You can’t just order a 1/4 lb of roast beef and call it good…. can you?
(Well I can’t. Which is why you should all come to my house for lunch tomorrow. BYOB. Bring your own bread…. because I never seem to buy the correct corresponding amount.)
And the paper products!
Why can’t I ever remember if I need them? I always buy too many which results in episodes like this:
Note to self –
Never leave the closet door ajar when you’ve purchased too much Charmin.
To say he enjoyed it would be an understatement.
The beast was positively orgasmic.
And none too eager to relinquish his prize as I cleaned up around him.
Moral of the story?
Buying too much at the grocery store can not only be wasteful and expensive….
But bloody as well.
It’s not often that summer traffic makes me smile, no less laugh.
But that’s what I did yesterday when I drove by this flashing sign on I-295:
Not even close.
Everything started to go downhill on me at that age…. literally and figuratively.
Now at 55?
I may not look it, but I feel it.
Back pain? (I used to be able to bend like a pretzel, what the hell happened?)
Unexplained aches and stiffness? ( Groaning upon rising from a seated position is not sexy. Not at all. )
Fatigue for no good reason? (Thank you menopause, as if the damned hot flashes aren’t bad enough.)
And let’s not talk about the weight gain, bunions and hair sprouting where hair has never sprouted before.