Tag Archives: humor

The Photo Angel

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Have you heard about the woman they call the Photo Angel? She haunts antique stores and flea markets looking for old photographs and through exhaustive genealogical research, reunites them with their families. I think she’s fabulous!

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If you’ve never climbed your family tree? I highly recommend it. Genealogy is a completely fascinating, sometimes frustrating, but totally addicting hobby. They say you can’t know who you are, until you know those who came before … and a more delightfully quirky way to waste time you’re not apt to find.

Along with some sons of the revolution and a disturbing number of pious reverends ( how did that happen!) I discovered a few characters as well.

The Honorable Jabez Bunting Snowball.

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Yes, I’m related to a Snowball, which somehow seems fitting. He was the husband of my great grand aunt and The 11th Lieutenant Governor of New Brunswick, Canada from 1902-1907. “Snowball and his wife (called “Lady Snowball” by the locals) maintained a splendid residence in Chatham called “Wellington Villa” at the town’s most important intersection, and lived in great style, often entertaining with many servants and fine furniture.”

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He died a wealthy man but his good for nothing children squandered the fortune in one generation. Shame, that. I wouldn’t have minded a servant or two.

Next up is my 8th great grandfather, Sir Adrian Scrope.

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Yo, Adrian! My great, great, great, etc grampa’s claim to fame was this –

“Historically speaking, Sir Adrian Scrope (1601-1660), was one of the 59 signatories who signed King Charles I’s death warrant in 1649. Charles I was accused of being tyrannical and too Catholic by England’s Parliament, and he was ultimately executed for high treason. The monarchy was abolished with Charles I’s death; however, the monarchy was reinstated after the Restoration of 1660, and Sir Adrian Scrope was found guilty of regicide and was hanged, drawn, and quartered.

Not the most peaceful way to go I’m sure. But he does have a nice memorial tomb to show for it….

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Grandpa Adrian had a nice house as well.

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Wormsley Estate. Can’t say I like the name, but the garden is sweet.

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And I dare say I could fit my books in his library.

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2,700 rolling acres in Chiltern Hills, Buckinghamshire… it’s currently owned by Mark Getty. Yes, that Getty. If I ever visit England, maybe I’ll drop by.

It’s through this line that I can trace my family back to the year 1134. I can’t take the credit, when you have someone famous (or infamous as the case may be) most of the work has been done for you.

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No picture of dear old grandpappy Le Scrope I’m afraid. Back then an Apple was just an apple… no camera included.

Of course when you’re shaking a family tree, sometimes rotten fruit falls out. Like Franz… father in law of my first cousin twice removed.

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When your mother’s parents were born in Austria, this isn’t out of the realm of possibility… but still disturbing to find.

I’d like to say he was the only one. I really would.

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A retirement job for the husband?

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My husband is still not enjoying retirement. He’s bored, antsy as hell and no matter how many times I show him the honey do list… is always looking for something to do. When he’s not twitchy? He’s moping around the house and driving me crazy.

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Damn. That sounds perfect! He has a bar in the man cave and knows how to tap a keg … he has experience!

Pardon me while I check airfare prices to Piel Island, County Cumbria.

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Two full time residents.

Soon to be three….

😉

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Fuzz

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Stiff was delightfully bizarre. Gulp was disgusting but fascinating. I admit Spook was a tad disappointing. But now? There’s Fuzz.

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The new Mary Roach book that deals with human animal interaction.

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This book is fun and filled with quirky tidbits I’m going to enjoy sharing. Chapter one finds the author in Canada taking classes with WHART.

WHART. Wildlife-Human Attack Response Training taught by the British Columbia Conservation Officer Service.

First up? Examining mannequins that represent people who were killed/mauled by bear/cougar and trying to determine who did what.

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Ya gotta love Canada.

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Now I’ll never be able to eat a plum without thinking of this. Thanks Mary.

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Tampons. Useful any time of the month apparently.

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Bear print long johns? Geesh. That guy was just asking for it.

There was a large section on bears and bear attacks, which are actually quite rare… so in the interest of public service, I’ll share WHART’s best advice should you ever encounter one in the wild.

If a bear is threat displaying (pawing the ground, huffing) in an effort to intimidate you, it’s a bluff and you should back away slowly while speaking calmly to the animal. Maybe something like, “No worries Mr. Grizzly, this little ole blogger is going to sashay back to her car now and post about her near death experience. Follow my site for an awesome close up of those impressive teeth. Kudos to your dentist by the way, they really are pearly white.”

On the other hand, if the bear is in full predatory attack mode…never run. Open your jacket to look larger, yell, scream, throw rocks, stomp. If the bear starts to charge with his ears flat, you’re the one who needs to look scary. If this happens to me first thing in the morning when I wake up… pre hairdo and makeup? No problem. The bear doesn’t stand a chance.

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Random nonsense

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Invisible exercise is my favorite kind! Yes, I did 100 sit ups and 75 squats… didn’t you see me?

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I saw this on my town’s Facebook page and must investigate further. There are emus in the vicinity? Why was I not informed!

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Traumatize children and ruin Easter in one easy step. Yikes!

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I’m not sure a photograph was an entirely necessary accompaniment to this headline, but what has been seen cannot be unseen.

You’re welcome.

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News you can’t use.

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Family Dollars are popping up all over our state and I can’t stand them. They move into small towns, flood the populace with cheap goods and drive all the quirky independent stores out of business. There’s one in the town next to us and I refuse to shop there.

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Now I have an even better reason. Ick!

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That seems a bit extreme. Even for the south…

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And we need to know this why?

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Damn. I hope he was well paid…

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Health food stores are an interesting place to shop.

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My husband has a weakness for health food stores. Does he eat healthy? Not unless I force him, but he loves to stroll the weird item laden aisles all the same.

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Whipped cream or whipped rice? That’s a no brainer for me, but I suppose someone might buy that sorry excuse of a substitute.

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I really wanted to buy this bizarre looking fruit… But the husband balked at the price. Good grief, it’s named after a hand.

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If that isn’t worth a little extra scratch I don’t know what is.

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He’ll bitch about high prices but then go get a ridiculously small container of freshly churned peanut butter. Probably because he knows I won’t eat it.

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Worst waste of money that day? This cleverly marketed bag of dried fruit. I love kiwi, so I bought it.

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They weren’t lying, it’s ugly. And completely unpeeled. Who the hell wants to eat that!

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The treasure, or useless crap depending on your point of view.

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After a verrrrry long day at the antique mall from Hell my husband came home with relatively little in the way of treasure.

I was all for buying an antique wall phone to hang in the man cave and a vintage steamer trunk to use as a coffee table, but no. He wanted none of that.

His final purchases?

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An old wooden egg crate. Do we have egg laying chickens? No.

Moving on…

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The seven pieces of ephemera it took him two and a half hours to find.

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Did we need this classically decorated snake oil salesman’s card that claims to cure cholera?

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I think not, but we own it anyway.

Since my barn phone and steamer trunk were vetoed, I only came home with a handful of vinyl.

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Though one of my selections has a specific purpose.

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My husband went to Woodstock. The largest, greatest rock and roll event in history… he was there on day one.

For about half an hour. He walked around, didn’t like what he saw, and left. (If I had known this before we got married, it would have been a deal breaker.)

So because he turned his back on that once in a lifetime experience …. and kept me in that often cold and dark chicken barn antique mall all damned day…. I bought the original Woodstock album and will force him to listen to it. Over and over again, while I slaughter him in Scrabble.

It only seems fair.

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