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Lately Facebook’s algorithms have given me non stop ball wash and butt deodorant. I have no idea why …. as I don’t have balls or need to perfume my ass.
But this?
This is definitely a bridge too far.
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Tofu!
For the love of all that’s holy…. no.
I don’t eat it.
I won’t eat it.
And you can’t make me eat it.
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A more disgusting thing to put in my mouth I have never met.
And that’s saying something.
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Yes, the husband bought another tarp in anticipation of another rain storm.
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And yes, he decided to put it on the roof on a windy day.
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What a good idea that was.
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Was I helping?
Yes.
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Was I also laughing my *ss off and photographing the endeavor?
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Of course.
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At least this tarp is heavier and smaller so it doesn’t hang over the side and flap in the breeze like the last one.
Will it stay on the roof during a storm? Doubtful, but not for lack of trying on the husband’s part.
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Required shot of our backyard with the paltry amount of winter snow taken from the top of my ladder.
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The World Wildlife Fund is currently running a fundraiser in which you “adopt” an animal. I think you receive a stuffed version and some other cutesy little stuff but that’s not what I’m blogging about.
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So sure, everyone wants to adopt a koala. Their cuddle quotient is off the charts and they’re freakin’ adorable.
But really… who wants to adopt a bat?
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And a blood sucking bat at that.
Another tough sell?
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While I find devils rather sweet, prevailing wisdom says no.
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Whale shark? Their mouths are four feet wide and they eat 50 lbs a day. That’s almost as much as a teenage boy.
Something tells me these guys are going to be at the orphanage for a very long time.
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Lord Dudley Mountcatten is a well behaved cat. He’s a dainty eater who doesn’t bite, howl or beg. He does however scratch the furniture on occasion. Wanting to nip this habit in the bud, I purchased numerous scratch worthy substitutes…. none of which have worked.
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This is the latest, and his highness has absolutely no idea what to do with it.
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Enter a little well placed chronic.
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Scattering catnip on the scratcher elicited a response…
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But it wasn’t the one I’d hoped for.
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After rolling his entire body over it and becoming dusted in weed?
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He didn’t scratch, he napped.
Good thing he’s cute…. because he’s kind of clueless.
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WTF Forecast cracks me up.
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Rude clouds. What did I ever do to them?
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Inevitable selfie with uninterested cat.
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Makeup? What’s that. I wear it so rarely now I swear I feel like a carnival clown when I do.
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Gin in my pesto?
Yes please!
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Vodka meatballs? Where have you been all my life!
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Wow.
No one wants that.
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Because I’m still laughing. (Mostly at myself, but hey… you’ve got to work with what you’ve got.)
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Actual selfie of author
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Now that’s what I call following the CDC guidelines.
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Wow. Now I’m really glad we got another cat.
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Agreed. I listen to my husband’s all the time and trust me, they would be greatly improved with a keg or two.
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I vaguely remember wandering aimlessly through brick and mortar stores sometime in the distant past….
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Technically this last one isn’t pandemic humor… but we’ve all spent so much time on social media lately it seemed appropriate.
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Remember last week when I posted about the giant tarp and a high wind storm coming our way?
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Well, it came.
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And the tarp went.
Sailing off the roof, across the lawn and down into the woods where it rolled into a large ball and sailed right back up to the house.
How well did those grommets hold?
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Not very well as it turns out.
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Sadly along with the wind came rain. And with the tarp protecting nothing but snow covered ground, our ceiling leaked again.
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And the water broke through my previous patch job on the beam.
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So today I’ve been spackling and sanding trying to fill the hole.
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And bleaching the numerous stains on the ceiling…. which is getting quite ridiculous. Every storm brings a new stain in a slightly different spot.
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I’m seriously thinking of painting the damn thing in polka dots until spring.
And if you’re wondering what Lord Mountcatten was doing through all the excitement?
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Trying to ignore it of course.
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Our town has come up with some marvelously creative ways to keep kids active and engaged during the Covid months. This is the latest.
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Businesses and public areas are all displaying clues.
In other news, people are offering free treasures.
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Dirty, smoke stained old cups from a discontinued set? Christ, don’t tell my husband.. he’d be on them like white on rice.
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An icicle contest. Most excellent!
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Our big one had grown to 5 feet so I proudly entered it to take the lead…..
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Until Robert showed up.
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Damn you Robert. You and your massive projectile.
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Yes, this might be a thing for a while.
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Lord Dudley Mountcatten has discovered my computer… and in typical cat fashion must get in between me and it whenever I attempt usage.
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And as you can see by his level of relaxation….
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He has finally decided we are fit to live with and worthy enough to wait on him hand and foot.
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His highness is not overly thrilled with being picked up and cuddled…
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But realizes the daily allotment of weed is dependent upon keeping the humans amused.
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Why is it every time you try to video a cat playing with toys they stop dead and stare at you?
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In Maine, in the winter…. the shrubbery arms itself.
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Come at me with that hedge trimmer now bitch. I dare you.
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Cow on a plow. Take that you flakey little green troll.
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Lord Dudley Mountcatten enjoys the morning sun shining through my filthy windows and likes to relax on the back of the sofa.
He’s so relaxed that sometimes he falls sound asleep and lands on the sill.
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And tries to pretend is was on purpose.
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Nice try Dudley, but I know better. I heard the plop.
Next up, Maine wisdom from The Flatlanda in Fairfield.
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And speaking of winter, we’ve had a decided lack of snow this season. Mere inches that melts shortly after it falls. In previous years March looked like this:
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That’s my husband walking the road in front of our house.
This year, we have green soggy grass. No climate change my *ss.
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