Tag Archives: humor

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What’s blooming?

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I love this time of year in Maine. It’s warm but not hot, we have ample rain and things are blooming everywhere you look.

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Pansies are always the first things I plant in pots. They’re frost tolerant and because that can still happen at the end of May here … they’re a safe bet.

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Lilacs!

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We have two massive bushes that reach for the sky… taller than our roof. It’s fabulous!

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One white, one dark purple. I wish WordPress had Smell o Vision…. because trust me peeps, it is seriously fragrant up in here.

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I planted my annual marigold rotation in front of the mini barn last week.

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And some color coordinated geraniums next to the bulkhead doors.

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Blowing and sucking.

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There was a little of both at Chez River recently… but not the kind you might think.

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The blowing was in the form of a new window air conditioner we bought to replace our previous old as dirt unit. $500 and a broken back later it was installed and ready for summer. Someday someone will explain to me why these things have to weigh as much as an African elephant.

While this new a/c is more powerful and quieter than the last, I admit I was not happy with the left handed cord placement. I’m an inveterate cord hider and this monster is one inch too short to plug behind the antique radio to the left and two inches too short to swing around the corner behind the arm chair on the right … so this is the horror I must live with for the next few months.

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Sigh.

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Even Lord Dudley disapproves.

As for the sucking…

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Yesterday morning heralded the arrival of the poop truck.

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And it’s extremely long, highly suspect caca hose.

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The less said about this process the better.

💩

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Let’s play.

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Because it appears I’m never going to run out of these.

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Here are mine:

Literally.

People say literally when they mean figuratively and it drives me nuts. “ It’s so hot I am literally on fire.” Unless I see flames shooting out of a body cavity? You meant figuratively.

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I could care less.

Could you? Then that means you cared in the first place. The proper phrasing is ‘I couldn’t care less’, please use it.

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Must not have been very important.

This one dates back to my childhood. Whenever I would forget something I wanted to tell my mother she would smugly utter those words and I always wanted to scream, “Now I remember! The kitchen is on fire.”

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So how about you? What words or phrases drive you nuts….

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Bonk… part 5.

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Required sex warning – the following contains explicit excerpts from one seriously wacky book. Continue at the risk of disturbing mental images.

As you already know, the male member, its malfunctions and various cures feature heavily in this series.

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Because sometimes you feel like pumping, and sometimes you don’t.

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I’m not a man and therefor have no physical frame of reference… but is perpetual half mast really where men want to be?

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The Smithsonian has a penis bone collection? Why doesn’t this surprise me..

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It seems Thai women are not to be screwed with. Or Thai ducks either for that matter..

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The little man in the boat? I can’t even….

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It makes you wonder just how much suction one man could need. And remember, I did warn you about mental images.

🤣

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Random skies and sammies.

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Woke up this morning to an odd light in our front yard.

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The sun was shining through little peaks in the clouds and it was positively eerie.

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This being Sunday, it was my day to cook for the weekly man cave pool tournament… but this time, I took your advice.

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Fresh ham salad and chicken salad sandwiches on flaky croissants.

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With fruit plate accompaniment. Pretty… and so much less time consuming.

👍

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Our cat is weird.

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Lord Dudley Mountcatten enjoys his outdoor time, though he’s still restricted to the leash. Our walking excursions usually consist of me standing and him sitting, but fresh air is fresh air and now that the weather is warming up he’s constantly howling to be taken into the great outdoors. Does he avidly explore his environs?

No…

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He face plants on the lawn and stays that way. His Lordship is an odd bird, what can I say?

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Walking a cat can be challenging, predominately because they don’t actually want to walk.

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They want to crawl under things and sit which leaves me with a plethora of butt shots.

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