Tag Archives: noise

This bitch has got to go.

.

Every Sunday night I kick the husband off the big tv in the living room and stay up late binge watching a bunch of recorded series. I don’t watch a lot of television, but I am addicted to a few HBO, Starz and Showtime programs that my other half hates.

So Monday is the one morning I sleep past 5:00am… and I relish my extra 2 hours. But this Monday morning? I was woken by a noise.

Scratching. And banging. Then more scratching.

I grumbled, I stumbled, I got out of bed and I found this….

.

.

The red squirrel bitch from Hell. She had scaled the bush alongside the house and was scrambling up and down the screen, over and over. And then?

.

.

She just hung there.

Taunting me.

.

.

That bitch has got to go.

.

Things I don’t need.

.

I dislike Pepsi and find it sickeningly sweet.

.

.

So Apple Pie Pepsi? That’s a hard pass.

.

.

While this sounded like a cute idea?

.

.

The aesthetics leave a lot to be desired. That looks less like a mouthful of chocolate chip cookie and more like a mouth filled with…. well, never mind.

.

.

Sorry, but my cabinet doors aren’t playing loud music past 10:00 pm or yelling at their husband to pick up his dirty socks. No noise suppression is required.

.

.

First they want me to exercise with rubber bands, now they want me to wrap them around my mattress? I’ll tell you right now…. neither one of those things will be happening anytime soon.

.

.

No.

Just, no.

.

I love my town.

.

And their wacky Facebook Group postings.

.

.

Cat damage and springs that poke your butt?

Hurry up people, these won’t last long!

.

.

A noisy big yellow machine. I shall follow this thread and report back. Who knows… maybe it’s the Beatles’ long lost submarine.

.

.

Christ. Don’t tell my husband!

.

.

You may not know what it feels like to fall off the turnip truck, but in my town… apparently you can fall off the potato one.

.

.

This is a running gag because certain parts of our town lose power quite easily. Flatulent rodents will probably strike here next, stay tuned

.

.

Sadly, I know of no retail chicken establishments.

Wonder if I could talk them into a few clever and highly motivated red squirrels instead?

.

.

I love my town.

.

And I love what people post on its Facebook page.

.

.

Oh no.

If you see it?  Please tell it we serve a daily and nightly buffet free of charge.

.

.

I’m not exactly sure what constitutes ‘groovy’ lamb.

But I’m pretty sure this isn’t it.

.

images

.

.

Jumping orangey peach colored fish?

Thanks 2020. Like this year wasn’t weird enough.

.

.

I have to admit I’d never even heard of letterboxing before.

Sounds like a perfect Covid era activity though.

.

.

Normally I’d say friend.

But it’s 2020, for all we know that thing is radioactive.

.

.

A giant vacuum cleaner?

Well, yeah.  They want us to social distance…  so just stick the hose end into your local pub and switch her on.