Tag Archives: shopping

Things you really don’t need.

 

You…

Or anyone else for that matter.

 

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I’m guessing the Kardashian’s have closets full of those…

 

 

But probably not these.

 

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Pokemon friendly leather.

That means plastic… right?

 

This next item said you’d be the envy of all your friends if you had one.

 

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I’m going to go out on a limb here and say if you own an enamel pin collection?

You probably don’t have many friends to begin with.

 

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Do I need to wake up pouting?

Probably not.

 

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I also don’t want to walk around smelling like birthday cake all day.

Christ…

I have a hard enough time avoiding cake as it is.

 

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Now this I could get behind….

But only if I didn’t tell my friend the purpose, and randomly make her lamp go on and off long distance.

*Cue evil laugh*

 

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I’m not sure how blue I’d have to be to enjoy this…

But thankfully I’m not there yet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Help me out here…

 

Like most humans, I have two legs.

 

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Alright, and some cats as well.

So how is it possible that I had 107 pairs of jeans, slacks and capris in my closet?

 

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107.

So… 214 leg coverings.

 

 

How did it happen….

Is there a trouser fairy I’m unaware of?

Or do they breed when the lights go out?

 

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Something had to be done.

So I tried on 98 pieces of clothing.

This was in no way enjoyable and looked something like this:

 

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(If you don’t have fat and skinny sections in your closet? Please move along, I don’t tolerate that kind of self control here.)

I know, I know.

The stack had gotten a little out of hand.

But look, I’m donating all of these…

 

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And I managed to organize a small section of shelf.

 

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Woo hoo! I can see the wall.

Yay me.

But now?

Someone needs to talk to the shirts.

 

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Because I’m getting a little overwhelmed.

 

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Yeah, it’s a tough call.

 

Because a girl has to take advantage of extra closet space when it presents itself…. right?

Can they spare it?

 

Have you ever shopped Origins?

It’s a high end supposedly all natural line of skin care, scent etc.

 

 

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I stopped in the other day with a girlfriend and while she was buying, I was browsing.

Naturally I was stalked by a saleswoman.

If you know me, you’ll know I hate this… and if you trail me around like a blue tick hound?

I won’t buy anything just out of spite.

I’m in your store. With my wallet. There’s a good chance I’ll buy something if I like it… so leave me the hell alone.

She wouldn’t… so I didn’t.

Seeing her commission walk out the door was apparently too much for this woman, because as I was leaving she handed me a sample pack of products….

 

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With a long detailed description of how wonderful they were and how much I would love them.

It was a little mushroom heavy for my taste… but hey, free is free.

Free?

Maybe.

But when I got home and opened the samples?

 

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The quantity, or lack there of…. surprised even me.

 

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Sorry Origins.

I’d like to tell you I loved them…

But you didn’t give me nearly enough to find out.

 

 

 

 

Turns out you really can get anything from Amazon….

 

But sometimes, my question is this…

Why would you want to?

 

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Personally, I’ve never felt the need to shed my skin like a snake…

But okay, whatever floats your boat.

 

And while I enjoy a good bug museum as much as the next girl…

 

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I’ve never felt the need to actually snack on them.

Eww.

 

This one?

 

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I can’t quite put my finger on it, but it just looks…

Wrong.

 

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Likewise for Fred and friends dunking their nether regions in my cup of hot tea.

Just…

No.

 

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I could probably get behind the bread alignment pad…

 

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And sure.

Wine condoms, if anyone actually ever has leftover wine.

(Is that even possible?)

 

But this last one –

Is not only an affront to common decency…

But the ruination of every backyard bbq and clambake in my foreseeable future.

 

 

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Damn you Amazon…

I may never eat corn again.

 

 

 

 

Funky trees, metal warrior women and some dinosaur dung.

 

Tlaquepaque – the sequel.

Trees.

 

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They were everywhere in this quaint shopping village.

 

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And allowed to go pretty much anywhere…

 

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Which was environmentally friendly…

 

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And at times, down right comical.

 

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There was a strange bird with red peppers on it’s head…

 

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And naked warrior women made out of metal.

 

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Also with birds.

Tell the truth…. how many of you men actually noticed the bird?

 

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We walked by Albert again…

 

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And into a store that sold dinosaur poo.

 

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Supposedly authentic… which caused my husband to snort.

Like you could you tell?

 

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The village was lovely.

 

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With a distinct Spanish flavor.

 

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Which probably explains why the French cafe where we had lunch was so absolutely un-French.

 

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It had a slight Gallic atmosphere.

 

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And yes, French Onion soup.

 

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But the closest the menu came to French cuisine was my uninspired, build it yourself chicken salad sandwich on a croissant.

 

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The husband’s?

 

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Might have had Grey Poupon.

Ooh La La Lame.

 

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Finishing our circuit, we stopped at a Native American jewelry store. The prices were high, and though tempted…. I was going to walk out empty handed until the husband started talking.

When the husband starts talking? I know we’re going to be there a while and resumed shopping. Seriously this time.

So it really was his fault I spent a large chunk of change on this bracelet.

 

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Yup.

His fault.

 

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On our way out, a giant aloe vera plant threatened to swallow him whole while he gazed at a statue…

 

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No. Not really…

But I totally would have posted that video to YouTube if it had.

 

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Said statue.

 

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Fountain.

Or tiny public bathtub, tough call.

 

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Cat statue, directly opposite a pot filled with….

 

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That can’t be a coincidence.

Mark Twain, Albert Einstein and an amethyst trouser snake.

 

Tlaquepaque.

No, I didn’t sneeze…. it’s a place.

 

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Granted it’s designed for tourists with money to burn.

 

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But it’s also a lovely warren of shops and cafes…

 

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And a pleasant place to stroll the day away.

 

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(I think this elk was complaining about his decided lack of fluffy butt.)

 

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I could easily have seen that skull on my living room coffee table…

But no.

 

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We saw Mark Twain.

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And a very relaxed Albert Einstein.

 

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(I wanted my other half to take my picture sitting on his lap and giving him a smooch, but again… uncooperative husband.)

 

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Most of the shops were outrageously expensive…

And some of them were down right weird.

 

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This one had fake pink stalactites hanging from the ceiling.

As well as …..

This.

 

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I’m sorry.

 

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But any way you look at it?

 

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That’s an amethyst penis.

(And a very large one at that.)

And if you think my husband was mortified at the thought of me kissing dear old Albert?

You should have seen his face when I made a point of photographing that semi precious love dart.

 

We braved the shopping hordes.

 

And went in search of some after Christmas bargains.

Even when not feeling quite up to par, my reaction is :

 

 

While the husband’s is more :

 

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We found a few things, but come on!  20% – 30% sales?

(That’s not enough to get me out of my pajamas and make me comb my hair.)

But I did manage to pick up this little jewel for my desk –

 

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Which…. for some reason, the husband did not find at all amusing.

We had lunch at a place I’ve been meaning to try for years.

 

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But were disappointed to find the whole front section had been sold to another business and the restaurant was now relegated to a small space that used to be the bar.

 

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Which would have been okay, had I been feeling well enough to drink.

 

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Shocking, I know.

But it happens.

 

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Thankfully, the food was good.

French Onion Soup…

 

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And a marvelous baked stuffed haddock with scallops, shrimp and Newburg sauce, roasted fingerling potatoes and asparagus with lemon butter.

While signs at the bar teased me about alcohol…

 

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I noticed some of the drinking patrons looked a little off.

 

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And decided staying sober might be the wise choice after all…..