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Ready?
Let’s play!
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And for the sake of equality, let’s add ‘or penis’ to the instructions.
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Yes, I’m afraid we are. Here, I’ll go first.
The name of my vagina is…. Homeland.
Which you have to admit is pretty damn spectacular.
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Tag Archives: humor
Required weekly Dudley photos.
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Because he’s simply too photogenic not to share.
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Dudley likes to play with balls, and basically any round thing that rolls.
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Including raspberries his human drops on the floor.
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He also likes to stretch….
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And then runs out of energy before getting back in his original position. He sleeps like this all the time.
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While his takeover of the house is pretty much complete, from the look of this photo…. I fear the television might be next.
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Perfume with a sense of humor.
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My box of crazy French perfume samples came today.
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And the company seemed pretty sure of themselves.
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I’m not sure I actually need my perfume to rebel, but whatever.
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The first one I tried….
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Was definitely…. different. I know people who would like this scent, but it was too heavily spiced and cloying for me.
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Medicinal camphor, incense and prunes. What’s not love?
😳
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The litter war.
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It’s a little too early to call, but by God I think may have just won the war.
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Thank you Exquisicat micro crystals. Maybe now the litter box graveyard in the basement can stop multiplying.
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This miracle product came highly recommended by a friend as being dust free, light weight and soft on kitty’s paws.
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Upon installation, Dudley gave it his usual glance of disdain.
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But I read you can transition by topping the new crystals with the old clay, so I tried that.
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He was still less than thrilled….
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But has done his business for the past few days with no scattering, no flinging, no dust and no mess.
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And from a human point of view, not having to chisel pee mortar from the bottom of the box is beyond victory… it’s positively orgasmic.
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I’m a sucker for fruit.
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I love fruit! I love it on my plate, I love it in my drinks and now I’m hoping to love it on my face.
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Enter some highly recommended moisturizer.
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Have you noticed this new trend in packaging? Cute little welcome notes whenever you open a box. Sorry folks, but I’m neither glowing nor part of your gang. (I’m currently picturing juvenile delinquent bananas with their peels undone standing on a street corner, smoking a cigarette and snarling at passers by.)
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Banana soufflé for your face, how bad could it be? They want you to add pineapple serum if you’re looking dull. Heck… if you add a little rum, my skin will perk right up. Guaranteed!
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I admit I was a tad disappointed with the minuscule size of this product. I mean come on, it’s made from bananas. It’s not like they’re rare.
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Vegan and cruelty free is great, but stating you’re free of sulfates and silicons on top of a list of chemicals I can barely pronounce doesn’t exactly scream natural.
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The bluebird of grumpiness.
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For the first time since we moved here 20 years ago, we had bluebirds!
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They’re such bright, pretty little guys I had to run out and buy a few bags of mealworms to make them feel at home.
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They enjoy suet as well….
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Though you wouldn’t know it by their expressions.
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Is it me?
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Or do these guys just look seriously pissed off?
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Water heater hell.
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After 5 days of heating water on the stove for sponge baths… life was pretty bleak. (not to mention stinky) But our plumber came through and replaced not only the malfunctioning control board but the two elements as well. For free! I’m not exaggerating when I say my first shower after the repairs was longer than most sexual encounters. (I’d say it was more enjoyable as well, but feelings might be hurt.) Life was good! For 3 whole days….
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Until the hot water ran out and the unit was flashing another error code. F3 means compressor failure…. which didn’t sound good at all. After hours on the phone with our plumber, the FW Webb supplier and the Bradford White manufacturer… it was determined to be programmed incorrectly and was quickly resolved. Yay!
But no. It was also revealed that Webb had taken a water sample because the destruction of the elements was so severe and unprecedented there had to be an organic cause.
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These were the results, which I don’t claim to know anything about. Yes, we have high iron. Our whole area does because we live on clay near the river. Naturally the plumber and supplier are saying we need a whole house filtration system which will cost somewhere near $5,000. If we need it, fine. But I wanted a second opinion and fired off a copy of the results to our next door neighbor who is high up in the state water department. He’s basically drinking the same water, so if he says we need one I’m more apt to believe it. His wife sent me his response…
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Ok, so they have moderately hard water. This may cause premature failure of the heating element. If they have a lot of calcium buildup inside the dishwasher I could see this being an issue in the hot water tank, or maybe they notice etching on their drinking glasses. The pH and hardness are safe to drink, no issues there. The pH along with the hardness can result in scaling within anything that has hot water touching it. Meaning pipes, fixtures, heating elements. Do they notice these things?
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We yanked out the dishwasher when we moved in, but have no etching on our glasses. We’ve never had trouble with our water, and we’ve lived here almost 20 years. The plumber came back yesterday and took more samples. Said they need to find out why those elements burned out so quickly. (because you know they’re not going to admit it was a faulty unit) Our neighbor told us to send along those results as well. It pays to know people.
And in case you’re wondering?
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Lord Dudley Mountcatten was not inconvenienced in the least …. and probably wonders why we don’t just lick ourselves clean.
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I must be getting old.
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I don’t yell at children to get off my lawn, but I fear it’s just around the corner. Why do I think this? Because the other day when I was reading an article online I saw this…
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And my first reaction was disgust. I not only wanted to seat that little boy properly at the table…. but felt a serious need to slap the pleased, over indulgent smile off his mother’s face as well. Harsh, I know. But I was raised back in the Mesozoic era with something called manners. Please and thank you, no elbows on the table. If my mother had seen me with my knees on a chair, face down in a plate of food? She would have snatched me bald headed.
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Junior eating a funnel cake with no hands isn’t cute…. and trust me, it will not serve him well in the future. Neither will the belching or farting you find so amusing. No joke, we once had one of these grown up children at our dinner table. When he was finished eating, he took off his shoes and started cleaning his toenails.
Not cute. Not at all.
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Cats are such helpful creatures.
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My husband didn’t get much work done yesterday.
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Not for lack of trying….
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But when Lord Dudley Mountcatten wants attention…..
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Attention must be paid.
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The red menace.
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More photos from January. This was actually our last sighting of the rodent who must not be named.
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I’d like to think she’s gone to that large oak tree in the sky..
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But with my luck she’s just recruiting interspecies mercenaries and planning her next attack.
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Something tells me we haven’t seen the last of her…
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River's world..... 