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Can they spare it?

April 6, 2019 Rivergirl 38 Comments

Have you ever shopped Origins?

It’s a high end supposedly all natural line of skin care, scent etc.

I stopped in the other day with a girlfriend and while she was buying, I was browsing.

Naturally I was stalked by a saleswoman.

If you know me, you’ll know I hate this… and if you trail me around like a blue tick hound?

I won’t buy anything just out of spite.

I’m in your store. With my wallet. There’s a good chance I’ll buy something if I like it… so leave me the hell alone.

She wouldn’t… so I didn’t.

Seeing her commission walk out the door was apparently too much for this woman, because as I was leaving she handed me a sample pack of products….

With a long detailed description of how wonderful they were and how much I would love them.

It was a little mushroom heavy for my taste… but hey, free is free.

Free?

Maybe.

But when I got home and opened the samples?

The quantity, or lack there of…. surprised even me.

Sorry Origins.

I’d like to tell you I loved them…

But you didn’t give me nearly enough to find out.

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Turns out you really can get anything from Amazon….

April 5, 2019 Rivergirl 28 Comments

But sometimes, my question is this…

Why would you want to?

Personally, I’ve never felt the need to shed my skin like a snake…

But okay, whatever floats your boat.

And while I enjoy a good bug museum as much as the next girl…

I’ve never felt the need to actually snack on them.

Eww.

This one?

I can’t quite put my finger on it, but it just looks…

Wrong.

Likewise for Fred and friends dunking their nether regions in my cup of hot tea.

Just…

No.

I could probably get behind the bread alignment pad…

And sure.

Wine condoms, if anyone actually ever has leftover wine.

(Is that even possible?)

But this last one –

Is not only an affront to common decency…

But the ruination of every backyard bbq and clambake in my foreseeable future.

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Damn you Amazon…

I may never eat corn again.

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Sorry, but these are just too good.

April 4, 2019 Rivergirl 26 Comments

Yes… I’m knee deep in my Spam folder again.

Apologies, but this stuff is comedic gold.

Arden writes:

Hi there, јust became ɑware of ykur bloɡ thfough Google,
and foսnd that it is really informatiｖe. I ɑm ɡoing to watch out for Ƅrussels.

Which is helpful…

Because you never know where they’ll turn up.

jhgfdshbxn

918kiss for ios

pokies get people from all through the world arrive together just for fun.

Of course they do.

It’s a perfectly delightful dance.

h8994AD22

Pasquale Mcalexander

some genuinely interesting information, well written and broadly speaking user friendly.

Good to know, as I always strive to provide content for the simple minded.

stupid-people_01

Bill

I will right away snatch your rss as I can not find your email subscription link or newsletter service.

When I first read this, I thought it said he was going to snatch my ass because he couldn’t find an email link.

yikes-wow-that-was-an-overreaction

Hey, my blogs are good.

But not that good….

Sushi By 7-11

Hello everyone, it’s my first visit at this web site, and article is
really fruitful designed for me

While their appreciation of my fruit is noted, I’m not sure anyone who buys their Sushi at 7-11 can really be trusted.

I mean come on, their potato chips aren’t even fresh.

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And finally..

Hanh Bencomo

Who seems to be on the fence when it comes to my posts…

There are some attention-grabbing time limits in this article but I don’t know if I see all of them heart to heart. There may be some validity however I’ll take hold opinion till I look into it further

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I really don’t see what the problem is.

I’m a frickin’ delight.

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What a deal!

April 3, 2019 Rivergirl 14 Comments

As many of you know, we have a timeshare.

And no, I don’t want to sell it it you.

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But timeshares aren’t what they used to be, and we aren’t stuck with just one week in Boca for the rest of our lives.

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We travel when we want, where we want, for as long as we want and we’re loving it. When we no longer love it, we’ll give it to someone else so they can love it too.

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Last year when we were vacationing in the Berkshires, we ran into a veteran and his wife at our resort in the mountains. Naturally, the men spotted each other’s Marine Corps hats and began an hour long conversation detailing where they were stationed and when. Fascinating as that was, I struck up a conversation with the wife and asked how she liked the condo. She said she loved it and you couldn’t beat the deals they get with AFVC. ( Armed Forces Vacation Club ) 7 nights in a 1 bedroom unit for $349. (Turns out I could beat it with our timeshare last call program, 7 nights in a bigger 2 bedroom, 2 bath unit for $299… but I kept that to myself.)

But the idea intrigued me, so when we got home I joined. For free.

It’s open to:

All current, veterans, and retired members of the United States military, National Guard, Reserves (Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines and Coast Guard) Gold Star families. Civilian employees of the DoD (appropriated, non-appropriated, or retired)

So if you qualify, go take a look… it’s a nice benefit for your service and there are some lovely resorts.

https://www.afvclub.com/

Anyway…..

Not usually…

But this time, yes.

AFVC constantly sends me emails with promotions and so called deals.

Like this recent one:

Am I reading this correctly?

I’ll pay $349 for the normal 7 night stay….

But only stay 2 or 3 nights?

In what universe is that considered a deal?

Get half as much, but pay the same price.

I may not be the brightest bulb in the pack, but even I’ll pass on that one.

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Gravity, thou art a fickle bitch.

April 1, 2019 Rivergirl 32 Comments

For women, it’s an inescapable fact.

We age… and things start to head south.

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One day you wake up and the girls aren’t as perky as they used to be.

And before you know it?

You’re searching the jeans section for the ones that include butt lifters.

Spanx……

Minimizers….

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Over the shoulder boulder holders….

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The entire foundation undergarment industry is built on defying female gravity.

And because I’m over 40? (Okay, way over… now shut up)

I’ve got plenty that’s starting the downward descent…

So when I was cruising Bed Bath and Beyond the other day and saw this?

It really ticked me off.

WTF!

Now I have to start worrying that my earrings are going to sag?

It’s enough to make me turn in my woman card.

Women-know-they-just-know

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Clearly, I’m doing it wrong.

March 31, 2019 Rivergirl 30 Comments

I have an iPhone.

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( If you don’t watch Game of Thrones? Never mind)

And with the iPhone comes Apple news, which I check from time to time for breaking stories.

And may I just say…. what’s passing for news these days is beyond ridiculous.

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Roll over Edward R. Murrow, it’s a Kardashian filled world now.

And they want everyone to see their butts.

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This picture was in my news feed.

Why? I have no idea.

But it made me realize…

Damn.

I’ve been doing Sundays wrong for years.

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Epic advertising fail.

March 30, 2019 Rivergirl 25 Comments

As I was strolling the local hardware store the other day, I came across an item that was begging to be blogged about.

(Yes, I really heard it begging… so now I have to share.)

‘SnotTape.

Let that sink in a moment.

And then visualize some over paid ad exec on Madison Avenue yelling, “Eureka! That new product? Let’s name it after snot!”

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I wasn’t sure where… or why they came up with that name, until I said it out loud a few times and realized it’s a contraction for “it’s not tape”.

Which, of course it is.

It’s tape.

So wth?

And because I’m a dedicated blogger, I did some research… which lead me to the heretofore unknown Professional Painting Contractors Forum. (Oh, the things I do for my readers)

While I agreed with this commenter’s review…

“Wouldn’t touch it simply based on the name. What a horrible advertising strategy.”

It was the next two responses that made me want to hire these contractors no matter what they charge.

“I think, “Taint Tape”, would’ve been a catchier name, but whatever“

And…

‘snot worth it.

Bravo Professional Painting Contractors Forum.

I agree.

But Snittens?

original

Now there’s a product worth having.

2h2pai

You’re welcome.

Uncategorized

Just a quickie…

March 29, 2019 Rivergirl 15 Comments

We all hate spell check, I get it.

But sometimes it makes me laugh….

And laugh hard.

Witness this morning when I was cruising WordPress with my iPhone and commenting on a post.

This post to be exact.

The author is funny as Hell, and as I was replying about her desire to send her cat and dog (who constantly try to trip her) to Fuckoffistan…

Spell check came up with this :

What?

You mean there really is a Fuckoffistan?

And I was spelling it incorrectly?

Damn.

You really do learn something new everyday.

Uncategorized

Bad idea…. really bad.

March 29, 2019 Rivergirl 42 Comments

Yes.

I admit to drinking the occasional Coca Cola.

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And yes.

I know it’s not healthy….

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Alright, that’s disturbing.

But I probably only drink one or two a month, like dessert.

It’s sugary enough to satisfy my sweet tooth…. and hey.

If it can clean the corrosion off a car battery? It can do the same to my colon. Everybody wins.

I’m not going to get into the Coke vs Pepsi debate…

Because there’s really only one acceptable way to drink Pepsi.

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And while I do find Cherry Coke acceptable now and then?

I’ve never tasted another flavor I could tolerate and have to wonder why they keep putting new ones on the market.

It’s Coke.

It has 7,000 tablespoons of sugar per ounce and two cans will put you into diabetic coma. I get it. Now leave it alone and stop trying to invent new ways for us to drink it.

(Please note this does not stop me from trying every single one. Hope springs eternal.)

The latest roll out?

Orange vanilla.

I had visions of a Creamsicle Coke!

It works for martinis… why not Coke.

How bad could it be?

Answer-

Bad.

Very, very bad.

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Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

Pour it directly on your corroded car battery (or filthy toilet) and be done with it.

I wouldn’t have thought it possible to screw up orange vanilla anything, but they did.

Give it a wide berth on the grocery aisle. Tasting like radioactive waste might not be a coincidence…

It’s that bad.

Uncategorized

Where’s the fish?

March 28, 2019 Rivergirl 26 Comments

We love trying new restaurants and supporting small local businesses, so when Urban Element opened?

We were all in.

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Do you love me?

Am I supposed to love you?

I just walked in…

Stop trying so hard.

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The new trend in restaurant decor in Maine seems to be minimalist rustic. While I’m fine with barn boards and a lack of clutter….

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The chairs that are popping up everywhere seriously make me want to scream.

They’re metal, with small seats and side bars that painfully pin you in place. Definitely not for the amply hipped who walk amongst us.

If the plan is to get you in and out quickly?

These rustic torture devices do the trick.

It was Sunday afternoon at 2:00. And a couple of Happy Time Fizz cocktails made me quite happy indeed….

But here’s another trend that continues to tick me off.

Brunch.

brunch-meme

I understand, it’s the weekend. You don’t get up early, and you want to eat breakfast late. Fine.

But it’s 2:00pm people! If you just recently rolled out of bed? You’re a teenage stoner sleeping one off and can’t afford these prices anyway.

To me, 2:00pm means lunch…even on Sunday. I had eaten breakfast 7 hours ago and didn’t feel the need to repeat the process.

The specials? All breakfast. The menu? 99% breakfast with one exception. The fried haddock sandwich.

Great.

Bring it…

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They brought it..

But damn.

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I’ve had thicker fish sandwiches at McDonalds and I wasn’t even sure that was fish.

qxbk1

Mentally tallying up the reasons we weren’t apt to go back to this restaurant, I did what any normal (still rather hungry from lack of fish) girl would do.

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