Tag Archives: humor

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I informed you thusly.

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My husband doesn’t like it when I say I told you so. And oddly enough he doesn’t like it when I roll my eyes at him either. So from now on I shall be channeling Sheldon Cooper and saying “I informed you thusly.”

I uttered this phrase repeatedly yesterday when I walked out to the barn after a rain storm and saw this:

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In case you aren’t aware, apple trees limbs are not supposed to be lying on the ground.

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When we moved to this house 20 years ago, there were two gorgeous mature apple trees in the backyard.

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I put furniture under them, kept trimming the lower branches and spent long lazy summer afternoons reading in the shade. Then, out of nowhere… the husband decided I was hurting the trees and refused to let me prune them. I fought against this ruling for a few years and then gave up. This was the result:

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Every year the trees were so laden with fruit they hung to the ground. It drove me crazy but the husband wouldn’t let me near them with shears. I kept telling him he would regret it, but he wouldn’t listen.

So naturally, this happened:

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A major branch, basically half the Granny Smith tree… cracked and split off.

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I contacted a licensed arborist and he’ll be here in a few days to give us an estimate for structural pruning to save the trees from further destruction.

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And after we’ve paid a small fortune to someone we didn’t really have to?

I shall inform him thusly one more time.

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Goodwill is good for the soul.

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A girlfriend and I hit Goodwill the other day and if nothing else, it’s a great place to pick up cheap books.

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16 books for $21? A little slice of heaven right there.

Of course, even thrift store shopping isn’t immune to politics these days…

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And while I didn’t buy that tee shirt, I did buy this one. Because, honestly…. I had to.

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I shall wear it and point at myself the next time my husband disagrees with me. That should go over well.

My girlfriend was in the mood for Cracker Barrel so that’s where we headed for lunch. The restaurant was almost empty but the hostess told us there would still be a 20-25 minute wait to be seated due to short staffing. (I’m seriously tired of waiting for meals… have all the pre Covid waiters and waitresses been abducted by aliens and given the anal probe? If not… please go back to work. River be hungry. )

Since it was raining we chose to wander the store instead of sitting outside on the rocking chairs, and that’s where I saw this:

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For which I have no logical explanation.

But perhaps the biggest surprise of the day?

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Alcohol… at Cracker Barrel!

When did that happen? Granted it’s not a favorite restaurant of mine and I probably haven’t stepped foot in one since my mother passed but it seems like I would have noticed such a momentous event.

Since their beer was dishwater I opted for a mimosa, which was close to dishwater only fizzy… but yes, it was alcohol!

At Cracker Barrel!

The world really has gone mad.

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Random claptrap.

33 Comments

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Have you ever tried this?

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I found it last week and it isn’t half bad. Apparently smashing citrus fruit and mixing it with vodka is a Maryland crab bake tradition.

This next one is all I’m going to say about the travesty happening in Texas. Because common sense is common sense, and if men were the ones who got pregnant? There would be clinics on every street corner.

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Have you ever felt like you just aren’t accomplishing enough?

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There.

I feel better already.

And finally, it’s never too early to start that Christmas knitting.

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I love bad translations.

26 Comments

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I’m sorry, but this ad made me laugh.

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The kissy face emojis are a little over the top, but whatever.

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So much to unpack here.

Exclusive female happiness? Sorry fellas, I think you’re redundant.

An orgasm that can provide 3-5 days to the world? Now that’s an impressive O.

Long standby. Does that means it hovers in the corner waiting until it’s needed again? A bit creepy, but okay.

And finally, We rest 50% today… that baby must provide one heck of a workout.

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He doesn’t seem to understand the concept.

35 Comments

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Cats are clever creatures. So can someone please explain why Lord Dudley Mountcatten doesn’t get on board with walkies?

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He’s wise to the notion that the appearance of the harness means he gets to go outside….

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But once there?

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Walking is not high on the agenda.

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We have a vast yard for his Lordship to explore with numerous flying and scurrying creatures to meet… but no.

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If we get 20 steps out of him per outing, we consider it a win.

🥴

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The price of visiting woodchucks?

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I can’t say this with any certainly, but I’m guessing the demise of our cedar tree was woodchuck related.

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It stood in that corner for almost 20years with no issue and then, wham! It was dead. Upon removal we found this…

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A hole, next to the trunk. And on further examination…

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A hump of dirt with a strategically placed pile of poo. On the other side of the hump?

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Another hole, which meant woodchuck tunnel. I figured they must have destroyed the roots of the tree with their digging, but in actuality the tunnel goes under these other bushes that weren’t affected at all.

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So it’s a mystery, but either way? I’m left with an empty space and a stump.

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Because while my husband loves to cut things down with his chainsaw? He could care less about the mess he leaves behind.

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