Tag Archives: humor

Holiday weekends rock.

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But at our house, not in the way you might think.

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This is one of our stone walls. It’s the smallest and has been falling in on itself for years.

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Mainly because when my husband built it 19 years ago, he didn’t listen to me and dug it level to the higher edge of lawn.

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You can’t tell but there’s over a two foot difference in height there.

Anyway… on July 2nd, the start of the holiday weekend, I came home from the grocery store and found this.

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Because the husband decided July 4th was the perfect time to redo the corner of the wall where stones were starting to slip into the ditch. He enlisted a friend, dug a trench and figured this jerry rigged engineering marvel would work.

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A slab of untreated wood, a line of black stakes and yes, God help me… roofing shingles to hold back the dirt. Not what I would call aesthetically pleasing.

There was a discussion. Followed by a heated debate. Which turned into the beginning of an argument. I offered multiple solutions and they did not go over well. Naturally the husband wanted to do as little lifting as possible because, you know… rocks = heavy. But if you’re going to rebuild a wall? You can’t just do one section, and after some (not so) gentle persuading, he finally saw it my way. Since the slipping stones were his main concern I conceded defeat on that point and we eliminated the corner.

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Filling it in with dirt which we will then seed or sod.

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And then the real work began.

If you’ve never built a rock wall? (And I mean a real New England cement free rock wall, with rocks of all different shapes and sizes and weights… not the nice flat ones you buy at a landscapers) Trust me, it’s work!

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Which is undoubtedly why my husband only wanted to do a corner.

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Silly man, he really should have known better.

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Day one? It went something like this:

Move rocks, install barrier, argue with wife, remove barrier, curse wife under your breath, fill hole with dirt, move rocks, curse wife again, start rebuilding entire wall when all you wanted to do was one corner, move rocks, curse wife under breath one more time because you can and she’s too far away to hear you.

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To be continued….

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Because up is easier than down.

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When your human puts an air conditioner in your favorite bird watching window….

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You have to jump up there and perch to make your displeasure known.

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You howl, you mewl, you bat at the offending object… but when your pesky human doesn’t remove the noisy vibrating box?

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You give up and settle in to watch the birds.

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And while up wasn’t a problem, down proves to be a bit more troublesome. Your human is no help whatsoever, laughing at your maneuvers for at least 5 minutes before she thought to film you….

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And for this infraction…. I’m sure there will be appropriate and commensurate revenge.

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Worst. Dog. Toy. Ever.

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In fairness to my dog loving readers who must cringe at the plethora of cat posts on my page … here’s one for you.

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Wondering what your next birthday or Christmas gift to Fido should be?

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Mr. Poops. Because you can never go wrong with a morose black turd.

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No need to thank me. The thought of Mr. Poop happily squeaking his way through your house is all the gratitude I need.

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Seriously?

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I used to have 3 bushy coleus.

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And then I noticed they’d been nibbled.

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Every morning when I woke up they were a little smaller.

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Until all that was left were the nubs. It’s not woodchucks, and this tiny garden bed is right alongside the kitchen door by the garage, the deer won’t come in that close.

An unidentified muncher.

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Who left me one leaf to remember them by.

😨

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From Hell it came….

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Moving around the corner of the house with the husband’s new toy….

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More shrubbery was tamed. (Yes, I’m aware we’re missing a few shutters. They’re in the garage, where they’ve been since they blew off the house 4 years ago. That’s how long I’ve been bugging the husband to put them back up. 😖 )

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And in the other corner?

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The flowering quince bush from Hell. I annually curse whoever planted this abomination of a plant.

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Every year we wack it down.

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And every year it grows back up to the roofline. If we let it go unchecked? I believe it would swallow the house in one gulp.

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It’s pretty when it blooms, and yes….

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It produces (inedible) quince fruit, but it’s an utter nightmare the rest of the year. Did I mention the beast is also full of thorns? Good times when you have to gather it up, stuff it in a garden cart and haul it down to the woods, over and over again.

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The woods that are wayyyy down there. At times it seemed like the trimming would never end.

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But we finally got it down to the last few branches.

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Before….

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And many sweaty hours after….

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Is it pretty? No.

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Heck, with the husband wielding the trimmer it isn’t even straight. But it’s smaller… and we can see out the windows again.

That’s a win when battling demonic shrubbery.

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Things I will never need.

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Would I like a Hermès bag? Sure.

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Would I like a Hermès bag made from fungus? Oddly enough, I would not.

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Say it isn’t so. Good grief… the model doesn’t even look happy.

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On a list of ridiculous things no one needs? This has got to be in the top 5.

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$1,000 a pair!

You might as well wear a sign that says “Yes, I’m a moron. Thanks for noticing”

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A skunk rumble.

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Every night at dusk, the skunks show up.

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It’s usually too dark to take pictures through the window, but last week they arrived early.

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And trust me, they really are fun to watch.

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Of course, sometimes….

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They don’t get along.

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And it’s on!

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There’s a lot of squealing….

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A lot of posturing and tail raising..

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But more often than not….

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They settle in and eat side and side.

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No air freshener required.

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And though it’s not riveting footage, here’s a little skunk video for your viewing pleasure.

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It’s official, I can no longer be shocked.

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I have a gift. It’s not a gift I wanted or asked for, but it’s mine all the same.

My gift?

It’s finding the most ludicrous news stories on the planet. … like this one.

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No need to reach for your glasses, you read that correctly.

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A vagina beauty contest? Of course a sex toy manufacturer came up with that. I would expect no less.

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Modesty is so important. No one needs this trophy shoved in their face at a cocktail party.

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There’s so much to unpack there, I can’t even…

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There are factories full of stock vaginas? Why didn’t I know this!

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Let that one sink in for a moment. 182 women voluntarily sent in pictures of their hoohaa… to be voted on.

😳

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Talk about fear of not measuring up. And here I thought that was just men.

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Modest, yes.

But come on…. if she didn’t think she could win, she wouldn’t have entered!

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