If you see this on your grocer’s shelf?
Keep walking.
I taste tested it for you and it’s horrible.
Oh sure, it’s pretty.
But it tastes neither like Bourbon nor Vanilla.
Very disappointing.
Take my advice. Stick to the original….
Tag Archives: humor
What do you think of when I say…
Luxury item?
A yacht to sail the 7 seas…
That works… as long as you don’t forget your Brie En Croute is in the oven while you’re sipping champagne on the port side.
A fancy sports car?
Sure…. I can see you cruising into Goodwill in that.
How about a tropical beach house?
With hot and cold running cabana boys?
I’m in!
What you probably don’t think of when I say luxury item?
These:
Although in many states, including my own….
That’s exactly how they’re viewed and taxed.
As luxury items.
Is your jaw hanging open?
Because mine was.
Take my word for it gentlemen…
Luxurious is not the word women use to describe that time of the month.
It’s not even close.
Just in time for Halloween.
I like candy.
You probably like candy.
I imagine everyone likes some kind of candy….
I dare you to like this candy.
Yes….. Zombie Skittles are coming to a store near you.
Hidden rotten flavored pieces?
So let me get this straight…. I chew all the normal fruity flavors with stupid new names and then bam!
I swallow one that tastes like a zombie….
What the hell does a zombie taste like?
Okay, thanks.
That certainly clears it up.
Babies!
First there were woodchuck babies, then catbird babies (although that didn’t end well) , a quick glimpse of a fox baby, and fawns! Finally… fawns.
But now?
We have skunk babies!!
Simply too much cuteness.
Adorable little critters!
I wasn’t able to film or photograph the funniest part because it was too dark, and that’s a shame because the husband and I had tears in our eyes from laughing so hard.
Our deer came up to feed and those three little fellas chased her all over the yard. In a line… one, two, three… like a little skunk locomotive.
For 20 straight minutes they wouldn’t let her near the food, no matter how she tried.
To heck with guard dogs.
Get a skunk.
Otherwise known as a….
Things I like today… Chapter 6
I like:
This beer we found at a liquor store in New Hampshire.
It had a rich, dark, oaky finish….. and also made me laugh.
I like :
This meme my husband’s niece posted on FB.
It’s uncannily accurate.
My husband can spot a red tailed hawk in the top of a tree on the northbound side of the highway while flying down the southbound side at 90mph…. but can’t find his socks. Which are in his sock drawer, where they’ve been for the past 35 years.
Someone please explain that to me.
I like :
This giant pink flamingo my husband’s nephew brought out to the Island for the kids to float on.
Did I mention he’s a rough, tough lobsterman…
And it didn’t quite fit on his boat?
I like :
Reusable grocery bags.
Less plastic and less waste to clog our landfills.
Of course I’m proof positive that saying is pure crap.
I’m 55… and not a single thing about me feels new again.
Okay, say what you want about goat balls…
But Sunday’s post about the fair ?
The one that featured that very well endowed male goat…..
Was my highest viewed blog since I joined WordPress last summer.
Go figure.
Not quite sure what that says about you lot…
But I may need to reevaluate my followers list.
Fun at the fair…. and balls.
We hadn’t been to the Topsham Fair in years, and after going the other day I remembered why.
Maine has some fabulous county fairs….. but this isn’t one of them.
With a $12 charge per person to get in? There should have been more… everything.
We started with the livestock, because I do love me some critters.
I got up close and personal with sheep….
While the husband chatted up a cow.
This cow was lying down.
As was her owner…
And it took all my willpower not to yell at him to drop his phone and learn how to spell her name properly.
Sorry El….
This cow had a little speck of something on her nose…
Which proved to be no problem.
Yes, that’s her tongue. And she knew how to use it.
Did you know…
Cows can’t vomit?
I live to enlighten.
We saw ox, and horses.
Some huge.
Some small.
We saw pigs…
With lots of baby pigs…
And goats..
With some pretty big…
Sorry…. but holy crap!
How do you walk with balls that big?
We strolled around looking for the chicken barn….
Only to discover there wasn’t one.
Very disappointing.
And then we walked past the “Decorate a Bale of Hay” contest.
Which… yeah.
Was a bit odd.
I temporarily lost the husband to some old rusty crap.
And found him checking out some sweet old vehicles for sale.
We meandered through the collection of carriages and sleighs which we always love…
And found a cannon…
With a strategically placed ball.
In a sack.
Tell me someone doesn’t have a sense of humor….
We made the obligatory walk through the exhibition hall.
But the Blue Ribbon rhubarb failed to thrill.
And aside from the carnival rides we didn’t ride and the roach coach junk food that we didn’t eat, that was it….
Until I spotted George.
And fell in love.
I mean… look at him!
George is an Emu.
Homely…
Humble..
And despite the prehistoric raptor like gaze, quite friendly.
Here’s some riveting video of him drinking water.
And a little something closer up.
He’s over 6 foot tall, with coarse dense feathers.
Yes, we bonded…. and I petted him.
Totally worth the $12 admission price.
I admit, it made me look.
I walked by my window the other day and had to do a double take.
Across the road on our neighbor’s organic vegetable farm, the seasonal workers were weeding a garden patch. Most summers there are Mexican field hands, but because of the new immigration policies of He Who Will Remain Nameless… this year the workers are Jamaican.
Now, I’ve never been to Jamaica.
But I’m going to go out on a limb here…
And say this isn’t their new fashion trend.
Yes, that is what you think it is.
Cardboard.
With a hole in the middle for your head.
I particularly like the fact that he flipped up the cut out hole section.. and left it there. Like a pot lid.
Jamaican cardboard hats.
Coming to a mall near you?
Remember… you saw it here first.
Too good not to share…
I was cruising FB the other day and saw a post from a realtor friend of mine.
It was a collection of mondo bizarro things agents find in homes they’re hired to sell and it was too damned funny not to share.
So Part 1 starts now.
For those days when it’s too damned hot to actually go outside and jump in the pool.
My husband once put a desk together backwards, so this really cracks me up.
Aside from the glaringly obvious yellow vomit color scheme?
There are way too many eyes in this bathroom for me to be comfortable doing my business.
Curtains.
They’re not just for windows anymore…
When you want carpet in the bedroom, and your other half doesn’t.
I haven’t decided if this is a living room in a bathroom… or a bathroom in a living room. But either way?
I love my town.
Want to put your finger on the pulse of your town?
Check out the Facebook group pages.
No matter how large or small your particular hamlet is, chances are someone, somewhere is administrating a page for it.
I haven’t had so much fun in years!
You’ll learn very quickly who the town gossips are, where to find a free 40 year old slightly faded recliner, which families have been feuding since 1923, who stole the carrots off the honor system garden cart, the residents you should avoid at all costs, and where the best wild raspberries are found.
There are also important things like this:
That’s news you can use people!
Neighbors helping neighbors…
*Note to self- avoid the White Road*
Granted, if you live in the city you won’t have such interesting headlines.
But loose chickens can be a problem anywhere…
River's world..... 