Tag Archives: humor

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We’re finally there….

March 6, 2019 Rivergirl 32 Comments

Yes, it’s the last full day of the Arizona vacation.

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And to think it only took me 43 blog posts to get here.

Hey, don’t blame me. You’re the ones reading them.

Our day started in an arts and crafts gallery. Sedona is full of them and not one will allow you take pictures.

So here’s a picture.

I saw the framed blessing below and wished I knew someone who was getting married. It would have made a great gift.

Next stop was the Sedona Heritage Museum.

An unassuming little place tucked away in the canyon…

Do ya see the red rocks in the background?

Huh?

Do ya?

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The husband happily strolled around outside and examined rusty things.

There were lots of them.

Including one I could identify but he couldn’t.

Name That Crap.

Go….!

The museum building itself began as a one room cabin and eventually morphed into an early settler’s ranch. It was filled with antiques original to the house, memorabilia and history of a bygone age.

Naturally they wouldn’t let you take pictures.

So here are some pictures.

Yes, that’s part of an authentic chuck wagon from the old west. A piece of tin was folded down from the back and held up by a timber. This acted as the kitchen counter for the camp cook… because really, how much space do you need to make beans?

There were numerous out buildings to tour including this one that was filled with,

Well…

Rusty crap.

But then in the back I saw…

What?

Yes.

The world’s only teal arches.

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I know.

Teal arches.

Remember, you saw it here first.

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Funky trees, metal warrior women and some dinosaur dung.

March 5, 2019 Rivergirl 16 Comments

Tlaquepaque – the sequel.

Trees.

They were everywhere in this quaint shopping village.

And allowed to go pretty much anywhere…

Which was environmentally friendly…

And at times, down right comical.

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There was a strange bird with red peppers on it’s head…

And naked warrior women made out of metal.

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Also with birds.

Tell the truth…. how many of you men actually noticed the bird?

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We walked by Albert again…

And into a store that sold dinosaur poo.

Supposedly authentic… which caused my husband to snort.

Like you could you tell?

The village was lovely.

With a distinct Spanish flavor.

Which probably explains why the French cafe where we had lunch was so absolutely un-French.

It had a slight Gallic atmosphere.

And yes, French Onion soup.

But the closest the menu came to French cuisine was my uninspired, build it yourself chicken salad sandwich on a croissant.

The husband’s?

Might have had Grey Poupon.

Ooh La La Lame.

Finishing our circuit, we stopped at a Native American jewelry store. The prices were high, and though tempted…. I was going to walk out empty handed until the husband started talking.

When the husband starts talking? I know we’re going to be there a while and resumed shopping. Seriously this time.

So it really was his fault I spent a large chunk of change on this bracelet.

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Yup.

His fault.

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On our way out, a giant aloe vera plant threatened to swallow him whole while he gazed at a statue…

No. Not really…

But I totally would have posted that video to YouTube if it had.

Said statue.

Fountain.

Or tiny public bathtub, tough call.

Cat statue, directly opposite a pot filled with….

That can’t be a coincidence.

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Mark Twain, Albert Einstein and an amethyst trouser snake.

March 4, 2019 Rivergirl 20 Comments

Tlaquepaque.

No, I didn’t sneeze…. it’s a place.

Granted it’s designed for tourists with money to burn.

But it’s also a lovely warren of shops and cafes…

And a pleasant place to stroll the day away.

(I think this elk was complaining about his decided lack of fluffy butt.)

I could easily have seen that skull on my living room coffee table…

But no.

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We saw Mark Twain.

And a very relaxed Albert Einstein.

(I wanted my other half to take my picture sitting on his lap and giving him a smooch, but again… uncooperative husband.)

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Most of the shops were outrageously expensive…

And some of them were down right weird.

This one had fake pink stalactites hanging from the ceiling.

As well as …..

This.

I’m sorry.

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But any way you look at it?

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That’s an amethyst penis.

(And a very large one at that.)

And if you think my husband was mortified at the thought of me kissing dear old Albert?

You should have seen his face when I made a point of photographing that semi precious love dart.

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Washouts, floating snakes and a giant potato.

March 3, 2019 Rivergirl 31 Comments

Leaving Winslow, Arizona you see a lot of….

Until you see these…

And start looking for a restaurant here…

We’d heard there was a wonderful place to eat dinner at the Orchard.

Unfortunately…

We didn’t bring our white water landing craft.

This is what happens in Oak Creek Canyon, Arizona when it rains.

And mind you, I’m not talking about torrential downpours. The rain we’d had the night before wouldn’t have been enough to properly soak my garden back home in Maine.

But road after road, and driveway after driveway were impassable.

Except for snakes.

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Apparently those suckers float right on by.

By the time we got back to Sedona it was dark, and we ended up here.

A well reviewed steakhouse.

It was pleasant…

And I was thirsty.

To hell with doctors orders, I’d been a good girl and was feeling fine.

Prickly pear pomegranite cosmo?

Come to momma!

The salads were lovely with fresh local greens, candied pecans, goat cheese and pears with a tangy citrus vinaigrette.

The yeast rolls with sea salt cultured butter? Light as air…

And yes, I ate 3.

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But the steaks?

Ooh la la!

My filet mignon with truffle butter was everything you want a steak to be.

Of course for $52 it should be.

And my baked potato was huge.

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Well, not quite.

But damn…

Now I totally want to go to the potato museum!

Canadian Potato Museum PEI

One of the Top 11 Food Museums in the World!

The Canadian Potato Museum is a living testament to the humble tuber and those who have tilled the soil in its evolution.

We celebrate all things “potato”.

Highlights include the world’s largest exhibits of potato-related farm machinery, agricultural and Community artifacts and the world’s largest potato sculpture.

The world’s largest potato sculpture?

It doesn’t get much better than that!

Who’s with me?

Great!

B.Y.O.P.

(Bring your own peeler)

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A hotel, a rusted camel and some death spoons.

March 2, 2019 Rivergirl 22 Comments

When you visit Winslow, Arizona you have to stand on the corner.

But you also have to visit La Posada…

It’s a sprawling old place, rich with history.

Abandoned for years but now lovingly restored and brought back to life.

Southwest colors and Spanish touches abound.

Including some lovely wrought iron…

And a rusted camel.

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The interior is a bit of a maze…

With arches….

Bright colors…

Elaborate entrance ways…

And room upon room….

Of antiques…

And funky art.

As well as a giant angry chicken.

Because really, what hotel is complete without one?

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The owner is an artist named Tina Mion and her works are scattered throughout the hotel.

Including this mural of suicides.

Yes, you read that correctly.

Take a closer look…

Thinking this was a little odd….

I walked on.

And found these.

Death spoons!

Now you have to admit…

These beat grandma’s Florida gator and Liberty Bell spoons all to Hell!

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Armadillo eggs, mammoth bones… and shoes.

March 1, 2019 Rivergirl 31 Comments

After our disappointing visit to the (guess I’m not so clever after all) corner in Winslow, we noticed there was a local museum down the road. Small town museums are usually a hoot, filled with ridiculous stuff only the locals care about… and we try never to miss one.

But first, lunch.

Because otherwise Martin will unfriend me.

There weren’t a lot of choices in dear old Winslow, so we picked the one that said beer.

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Not that I could drink since my no alcohol order was still in place…but it was probably a good thing, because the beer list was annoying.

Instead of… what?

The beer gets… what?

Fresh orchard like … what?

Open ended sentences do not make me want to order your beer, they make me want to bounce your menu writer’s face off the bar a few times and then force him to finish his description.

And don’t get me started on naming the beers piehole and sex panther. There’s such a thing as trying too hard.

The decor? Early junkyard.

Our hightop table was an upended road sign.

Chipping paint no extra charge.

The menu?

It had the required Eagle references, and some truly awful sounding food.

Armadillo eggs?

Thank you…. No.

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The southwest burger I ordered rare was a well done hockey puck… and just about as tender.

The husband’s Caesar salad? A giant bowl of husks.

Thankfully the museum turned out to be much more palatable.

We were greeted by a local woman who gave us the entire history of the town, whether we wanted it or not.

Once a booming Santa Fe railroad stop, and then a profitable Route 66 destination… the town fell on hard times when families stopped piling the kids in station wagons and hitting the road in search of the World’s Largest Ball of Twine. If it weren’t for the Eagles and their silly song, the place would have dried up and blown away long ago.

Mammoth bone.

Because I promised.

Native American beaded shoes.

Because… shoes!

There was a still.

And a box.

I told you this would be fascinating stuff….

Have you ever heard of the Harvey Girls?

I admit I hadn’t, and my mind is full of ~~perfectly useless nonsense~~ trivia so that’s saying something.

(Pay attention… tomorrow’s post will include an actual Harvey House.)

Naturally, there was a locally famous Harvey girl.

And some of her dresses.

There was also an advertisement that pretty much says all you need to know about Winslow, Arizona.

What’s not to love?

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Because sometimes I’m not as clever as I think.

February 28, 2019 Rivergirl 36 Comments

(Shocking, I know. But true.)

Our next Arizona adventure began because I wanted to stand on a corner.

In Winslow.

Are you with me?

I had visions of positioning myself for some epic selfies that would make my friends chuckle and think…

Damn! She’s clever.

So imagine my surprise when we got there….

And realized that standing on the corner in Winslow, Arizona was not only a huge tourist attraction, but a freakin’ cottage industry.

I mean, look!

They erected a fake building as a backdrop.

For the sole purpose of people standing on the corner taking selfies.

They even had the flatbed Ford…

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And an eagle in the window.

It didn’t take me long to realize I was not at all clever.

Or even original for that matter.

Every single store we passed was loaded with ticky tacky Take It Easy memorabilia.

There were loud speakers playing Eagles music… inside and out… on an endless loop.

I like the Eagles but I swear, if I had to live there?

I’d never want to hear them again.

The sidewalk in front of the famous corner is filled with memorial tiles, the first ones being made of concrete. But Glenn Frey came to town one day and said Hell no, let’s have brick… and donated $5,000 to the cause.

The town has a Take It Easy music festival every year.

And every year they invite the band…

But apparently standing on the corner in Winslow, Arizona once was more than enough for the Eagles.

And for me as well.

I didn’t even take a selfie.

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Rocks, a cowboy and not quite the World’s Largest Ball of Twine…..

February 27, 2019 Rivergirl 29 Comments

Arizona red rocks.

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Because they’re gorgeous….

And I can.

While cruising through these beauties in Sedona, we spotted our first cowboy.

Okay, he was the only cowboy we ever spotted….

And he probably wasn’t even a real cowboy, because I doubt cowboys live in houses like this…..

But hey –

My post, my delusion.

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Our next adventure took us north to Flagstaff on a wonderful scenic road over the mountains and through Oak Creek Canyon.

We’d had a little rain the night before, and when you get a little rain in these parts? You get floods, road washouts and water pouring out of cliff sides.

Route 89A is 29 miles of twisting, turning, switchback filled climbing.

And well worth taking if you’re ever in the area.

After Flagstaff, we headed east…. where we saw this.

And this.

And a whole lotta this.

Which was basically nothing, for miles on end.

Until…

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Until…

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We saw this.

What is it?

I have no freakin’ clue!

But clearly it was one of those marvelous old roadside attractions from back in the 50’s or 60’s. You know the ones. The World’s Largest Ball of Twine? The donut shop shaped like a donut?

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I’d totally make a pilgrimage to see those.

I mean really….

vintage flinstones postcard

Who wouldn’t have wanted a Brontosaurus burger?

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Or a piece of Shoo Fly Pie served from inside a windmill.

The giant bug is open?

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Let’s go!

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I was born in the wrong decade….

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Because come on, that’s pure gold.

But alas, whatever this was….

It was neglected, abandoned and unloved…

And for sale!

A bygone era brought back to life?

The husband said –

But oh..

Think of the blogging possibilities.

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A lost cause.

February 26, 2019 Rivergirl 27 Comments

Making our way up the hill…

We passed gardens.

And rocks!

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And then we saw…

The church.

I have to say I was a little disappointed.

The setting and views were drop dead gorgeous…

Look! There’s my Arizona (winters are too cold in Maine) cottage.

But the church itself?

Seemed a bit of a let down.

Granted, I’m not religious and wasn’t filled with the holy spirit…

But when we opened the door…

And stepped inside?

I admit it.

I felt…

Something.

The quiet reverence moved me.

And it’s simplicity filled me with a feeling of utter…..

Peace.

No.

I’m not signing up for bible study and I won’t be saying bless you child with every second breath.

But I didn’t burst into flame upon entry either… so that was a good sign.

Downstairs, in the little gift store where the husband went to buy something for a co worker who moonlights as a pastor, I overheard the saleswoman say that many people experience odd feelings when entering this church.

I found out later that the building site is actually one of Sedona’s famous spiritual vortexes. A cross point between energy fields in the earth’s grid system. There’s a lot of woo woo surrounding the vortex phenomena …. but Stonehenge and the Great Pyramids are also built on such sites.

So who knows?

Maybe I was touched by an ancient Druid.

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Anyway you look at it….

It was a beautiful place.

And I’m very glad we went.

Even if we didn’t get to pick the flowers.

Or walk on the rocks.

Geesh, for a laid back spiritual place they sure had a lot of rules.

So after sucking up what healing vibes we could…

We headed back down.

Surrounded by those lovely red rocks.

[;.

We also passed some interesting cactus on the way out.

The blooms on this one were like hard rubber.

And then there was this spikey weirdo.

And finally?

The end.

Of this post.

Not the Arizona trip series.

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A heavenly spot.

February 25, 2019 Rivergirl 23 Comments

Let me preface this post by saying I’m the least religious person you’re ever apt to meet. So when numerous people told us we had to visit the Chapel of the Holy Cross in Sedona I was like….