Tag Archives: humor

You’re never to old to learn…. Tin Cans.

July 11, 2019 Rivergirl 36 Comments

The new adult educational booklet for our area was delivered today and I’m ~~dumbfounded anyone would pay money for this crap~~ very excited for the next round of classes!

Last season we had :

You’re never too old to learn…. Spoons.

You’re never to old to learn…. Potatoes.

You’re never too old to learn…. Ukulele

You’re never too old to learn…. Chakra Toning.

You’re never too old to learn…. Mindfulness.

And this season?

We’ll start with a class about tin cans.

Yes, Tom. It’s true.

In Maine you can take a class that teaches you how to turn a tin can into a stove.

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You’re welcome.

You can stop reading other blogs now, it won’t get any stupider than this.

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I mean, come on…

When was the last time you fit a stove in your backpack?

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Point taken. That kid might be able to…

But for the rest of us taking the class means that can of baked beans we had for dinner last night could be heating up our outdoor meals for months to come.

No, I wasn’t thinking of that particular heat source.

But then, I wasn’t thinking of this either when I searched Google….

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Damn, that disturbing.

And it certainly makes their ad slogan a bit suspect….

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Maybe you should use a Campbell’s soup can instead.

It worked for Warhol.

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Things I like today… chapter 2.

July 8, 2019 Rivergirl 24 Comments

A Maine woman is experimenting with weed to dull a lobster’s pain as he’s plunged into that boiling pot of water.

There are worse ways to die than high.

The article in case you want to read it:

Baked Lobster

I like.

A local homemade R2D2 warning drivers to slow down.

And this one reads in his spare time. Who knew?

I like.

Rhododendron season.

For a burst of pure color it’s hard to beat.

I like.

The bees like…

It’s all good.

And finally…

The dollar bill I received in change….

Complete with instructions on how not to spend it.

I like.

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Wild Kingdom… the River edition.

July 6, 2019 Rivergirl 22 Comments

It’s not just the woodchucks who show up for a nosh at Casa River.

We have a beautiful pair of foxes who are denning down in our woods.

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Hey now… I’m sharing the sights and sounds of my backyard.

Please be respectful.

Early morning shots through a wet window are a little blurred.

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This is sharper.

Then there are the daily seed raiders…

This not pregnant anymore doe just dropped her fawn in the woods 2 houses down and is late in blowing her winter coat.

Of course if we had this type of deer, our seeds would be safe.

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But if we had these?

We might not be.

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Yikes!

And do you remember the Catbird nest with it’s bright blue eggs?

Well….

New life is popping there too.

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Although momma Catbird doesn’t like it when I photograph her babies. Turn up your volume to hear her cry.

And then there’s this fellow…. who I stumbled on by accident and took one quick out of focus shot of before I hightailed it inside.

At least I wasn’t looking at the business end.

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Some garden fluff.

July 5, 2019 Rivergirl 21 Comments

Japanese Iris season.

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I like it.

The butterflies like it.

Life is good.

I also like shopping at ginormous greenhouses.

Rows upon rows of blooming beauty.

The colors.

The pointy planters.

The endless succulents.

It doesn’t suck is what I’m saying…. and I always come home with a car load.

And yes, there’s that.

This particular greenhouse even had a Dr. Seuss tree.

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And something called a Sensitive Plant that I couldn’t stop touching.

Have you seen these things?

They’re bizarre.

Touch them, and they cringe like Melania when Donald rolls over in bed.

But I didn’t buy one because…. let’s face it, it has to be touched. And I’d never get anything done if I sat around touching my plant all day now would I?

And while I’m sure some of my readers have a similar problem?

Please…

Try to refrain from sharing.

There are some mental images I just don’t need.

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There IS such a thing as too happy.

July 4, 2019 Rivergirl 12 Comments

The automatic ice maker in our refrigerator is on the fritz.

Again.

Just in time for the annual 4th of July heat wave.

I am not happy.

The ice cube tray I now have to use?

Entirely too happy….

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Sorry.

I had to….

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So I got excited.

July 3, 2019 Rivergirl 31 Comments

No, not that kind of excited.

Although now that I think about Chris… well, never mind.

I got excited because at 11:00am last Saturday the husband told me he was going to clean out the barn and set up a small yard sale.

My husband was going to get rid of his crap?

I was happy!

I was thrilled!

Hell, I admit it.

I was positively orgasmic.

I looked out the window and saw him sell something to a biker.

Yay!

All the useless Harley knick knacks and paraphernalia…. gone!

All those extra Kawasaki parts and accessories…. gone!

And then I looked out the window again.

And saw my late mother’s plant stand that I use on the porch…. gone.

My glass hummingbird feeders…. gone.

I was no longer excited.

And when I went outside to check exactly what it was he was selling?

Yeah.

It was 100% mine.

Bags of clothes slated for Salvation Army donation, kitchen ware I was going to give his niece who’s moving into her first apartment, books that I trade with a friend.

He even had my hydrangea fertilizer on the table.

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But the worst part? The part that really had my jaw clenched….

He set this all up, and left.

Went to visit his brother and expected me to sit there and sell all the items I had no intention of selling in the first place.

The man has a death wish.

There’s really no other explanation that makes sense.

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Things I like today.

July 2, 2019 Rivergirl 23 Comments

1. Kicking back on the barn porch on a summer evening after a long day of mowing and trimming the lawn?

Wonderful.

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Margarita in a can?

Not so much.

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But it’s alcohol.. with a view.

So I like.

2. With a shout out to Mona at Wayward Sparkles who introduced me to this marvelous piece of mechanical engineering)

I read her blog and thought, damn…. I have to have one.

And then I thought, gifts!

So I had to have 2 more.

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Are you all here?

Good.

Viola!

A bell you can ring to summon the elixir of the Gods.

In pink no less!

I believe this little darling will be getting quite a work out at Casa River.

If only I could order the hot cabana boy to go with it…

I like.

And finally, ladies…

Do you have old, dry wood?

No, I’m not talking about your husbands.

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We have stained wood moulding, doors, window frames and sills, and built in stained bookcases etc. basically every piece of trim is unpainted wood. They’re original to the house and tend to dry out/fade from sunlight and winter heating.

So I found this on Amazon –

Half a bottle did 12 doors and frames, 5 windows and frames and 2 large tables.

It’s good stuff. Witness the before and after…

Brings back the shine and feeds your thirsty wood with very little effort.

I like.

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Thank you..

Thank you very much.

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The pollen apocalypse.

July 1, 2019 Rivergirl 29 Comments

Forget zombies.

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Forget nuclear war.

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The pollen is here and I swear it’s going to kill me before the other things have a chance.

This year we’ve seen a crazy increase in pollen. While we normally have a few days of yellow dust choking our air every spring, here we are starting July and we’re still covered in the crap.

How much pollen is too much pollen?