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Good news, bad news.

May 11, 2019 Rivergirl 25 Comments

Good news?

Our visiting Kestrel is back…

And he brought a friend…

(Apologies for the photo quality, I was at the utter limits of my zoom lens)

They’re such pretty little things, and I enjoyed watching them fly around the yard all morning.

Until I heard a thump…

And looked out the window.

Yeah.

Not for the dove anyway.

Kestrels will be Kestrels.

But it would have been nice if he’d finished his meal and not left me the pieces and parts clean up detail…

As well as a blood stained lawn.

Okay, granted… it could be worse.

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But still….

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Epic thrift store finds.

May 10, 2019 Rivergirl 51 Comments

I read an article the other day about the crazy things people find at thrift stores. This was right up my alley as I used to post my wackadoodle discoveries as well.

If you’ve never thrifted?

You’ve never really shopped.

I mean really…. where else can you find these treasures.

Searching for fine literature?

Find it at the Thrift store.

Not being a musher, I was totally unaware sexual preference was even a factor.

Go figure.

When you’re in need of a box of decapitated doll heads?

And let’s be honest…

Who isn’t these days?

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They’re at the Thrift store.

When you’re searching for a little extra something to compliment the dogs playing poker velvet wall hanging in your living room?

You’ll find it at the Thrift store.

Shells playing poker are perfect.

Fido’s constant shedding driving you nuts?

Thrift store to the rescue.

Beat grandma to the punch this Christmas and give her the ugly sweater.

Can’t find that just right gift for the dominatrix in your life?

Look no more…. your local thrift store has S&M Teddy.

Her heart will melt, and then she’ll whip heart shaped cuts on your thighs.

It’s a win win.

And speaking of gifts…

Those hard to buy for people?

They’d love a vomit clock from the Thrift store.

Yes, that was the description the person who found it gave in the article.

Vomit clock.

I’m hoping (really, really hoping) that it’s just heavily shellacked pebbles in a putrid pink hue.

But hey, it came from a thrift store….

Anything’s possible.

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If only it were on our list….

May 9, 2019 Rivergirl 50 Comments

I often cruise our timeshare site looking for deals. Someplace we’ve never been, some lovely resort where we’d like to stay.

Then the other day I read an article that made me rethink my aversion to Airbnb.

Yes.

We could rent a potato.

No joke.

Apparently this particular spud toured the US for six years on the back of a truck, and no one knew what to do with it afterward.

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While my first thought wouldn’t have been, ‘Hey, let’s throw a queen size Serta in there and rent that baby out!’

Clearly I lack vision.

A giant (fake) potato has been turned into a home that you can rent on Airbnb.
The Big Idaho Potato Hotel is a 6-ton potato structure that was created to promote spuds across the US.
A small-home developer turned it into an incredibly stylish rental property.
It costs $200 a night.

It’s a real hotel room, of sorts.

The potato sleeps two, with one queen bed, and there’s a small bathroom, a kitchenette, a fireplace, and air-conditioning too. With millennial-pink accents and house plants aplenty, it’s as Instagrammable inside as out.

Measuring 28 feet long, 12 feet wide, and 11.5 feet tall, the giant potato was created by the Idaho Potato Commission to promote the noble vegetable.

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Granted the landscaping leaves a little to be desired.

And the views?

Well, it is Idaho.

Which is probably why there are no windows.But still.. it’s a giant tater!!

We’ve all dreamed about living inside a potato, with hash browns for cushions, fries as shelves, and a giant bowl of fluffy mash to snuggle into at night.

So if spuds are your one true love, you’re probably going to want to book a night in the Big Idaho Potato Hotel, which has been listed on Airbnb.

And there you have it…

The perfect vacation getaway.

You’re welcome.

And just in case you didn’t think I could tie Game of Thrones into this post?

Never doubt me.

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It’s a sign!

May 8, 2019 Rivergirl 34 Comments

Do you believe in signs?

In prophesies…

In portends?

Because I think I got one the other day.

I was sitting in our living room, innocently reading…

When this appeared on the wall.

Game of Thrones fans are shuddering, but for the rest of you clueless readers?

It’s the Bolton sigil, the flayed man.

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Striking fear in the hearts of Thrones viewers until someone asked the question…

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Sansa.

That’s who.

But clearly this can’t be a coincidence. What does it mean?

The Boltons are all dead, they’re not flaying anyone. And it’s the final season of GOT, so if I’m meant to flay someone….

I’d better hurry.

There are only 2 episodes left.

And btw, if you think I’m an over the top Throner?

Witness my girlfriend who’s having a watch party every Sunday night. She sets out photos of the characters on her mantle, complete with burning candles.

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Every time someone dies? She snuffs them out.

Now that’s dedicated.

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The greatest story ever… shown?

May 7, 2019 Rivergirl 39 Comments

While I’ve been known to Bitmoji on occasion….

And used to see the appeal of texting miniature versions of myself to friends…

I read something this afternoon that made me do a double take.

Yes.

There is now a Bitmoji Bible.

“In the year of our Lord 2019, someone recreated the Bible through Bitmoji. The Bitmoji Bible is more of a collection of a handful of stories found in Jewish and Christian holy scriptures than an actual translation told exclusively through Bitmoji. While much of the actually philosophical passages aren’t included — how are you supposed to discuss promises of salvation through a few cartoon characters? — you might recognize more well known myths, like the story of David and Goliath. “

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Now I’m not a religious woman, and I admit to never having read the good book cover to cover…. but I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess David never said “Hey Boo” to the giant Philistine.

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And if there was a Garden of Eden?

I somehow doubt their trees were in pots.

“Today’s children are more likely to read a text message than a book,” co-creator Daniel Eckler said through Twitter DM. “Given the Bible has been translated into more than 3000 languages, I thought it should be translated into one of the most popular contemporary languages.”

Jesus wept.

Repeat after me…

Bitmoji is not a contempary language, it’s a collection of bad cartoons.

Quoting an excerpt from Genesis about the whole world speaking the same language, Eckler believes it’s “important to speak to people in their language.”

So help me out here…

Is that Joseph?

And is he spitting his coffee out because Mary just told him about the immaculate conception?

He notes that his goal isn’t necessarily to evangelize, but rather to open the door to higher thinking for people who may not already be interested in it — he references biblical redemption themes in Star Wars and The Matrix. “Not to say they’re substitutes, but as long as people are seeking spiritual truths,” Eckler said. “I think they’ll find them where they find them.”

Let me get this straight…. to understand Christianity I don’t have to read the bible.

I just have to sit through The Empire Strikes Back?

Well if that’s the case…

I’m watching Game of Thrones instead.

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It has mythical beasts, devout believers and frowned upon sex as well.

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Nice try.

May 6, 2019 Rivergirl 42 Comments

A few weeks ago I got an email from Instagram asking me to confirm the address on my account.

That was interesting…. because I don’t actually have an Instagram account.

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Five minutes later I got an email saying my username of rivergirl1211 had been changed.

Changed…

To Blankyhell.

Yes…

Blankyhell.

If that’s a place, I suppose it looks something like this:

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Which is how I feel during a hot flash in bed.

On the other hand, maybe they were thinking more along the lines of:

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Either way, it’s a pretty strange name.

So I went into the account, changed the username back, changed the password and then deleted the whole bogus thing.

I only use rivergirl1211 when I blog, so more than likely someone on here set it up.

Why would someone want to be me?

I have no clue.

Hell, half the time…. I don’t even want to be me.

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It’s a little creepy being hacked, even if it’s only to Instagram.

Funny part is, the account already had a bunch of followers. And since the only posted photo was a plain black square….. I can’t say I see the attraction.

Maybe I should have left it active and followed my feed.

You never know what I’ll get up to.

And apparently, neither do I.

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Oh dear…. more deer.

May 5, 2019 Rivergirl 26 Comments

Since the little darlings have been raiding my bird feeders of late, I thought I’d put out more deer feed and a few chopped apples for them as a treat.

Apparently this went over quite well.

So well…

They called in the cavalry.

Note to self –

Buy more feed.

This is better than cable.

Well, almost.

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Yes.

There really is a Game of Thrones meme for every subject.

(Disclaimer- this post was scheduled incorrectly and is appearing 2 weeks later than planned, hence the brown lawn. )

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Game of Thrones, the musical.

May 3, 2019 Rivergirl 28 Comments

Well, not quite.

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Game of Thrones isn’t exactly known for it’s singing and dancing…

But this song from Season 8, episode 2 is the latest worm to burrow in my ear.

Sung by Florence + the Machine….

I find it quite haunting.

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Why did the chicken cross the road?

May 2, 2019 Rivergirl 29 Comments

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Well, keep dreaming…

Today’s not the day.

It’s an age old question and I thought why not enlist a few famous people to help us with the answer.

So why did the chicken cross the road?

OPRAH says: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

Fair enough.

Let’s hope it’s a Mercedes, because they had the best car commercial… ever!

Watch it. I dare you not to smile…

SARAH PALIN says: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he’s a maverick!

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DR SEUSS says: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

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True, but a little morbid.

BILL CLINTON says: I did not cross the road with that chicken.

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Okay, okay. We get it.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY says: To die in the rain, alone.

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Well, damn.

That’s depressing.

DONALD TRUMP says: We should build a wall so the chicken can’t cross the road.

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Nice hair.

AL GORE says: I invented the chicken…. and the road.

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Yeah…

Thanks for that.

ALBERT EINSTEIN says: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

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And finally –

ARISTOTLE says: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

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