And the best (worst?) part is it’s even more ridiculous than the ass shaped chair.
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Yes, you read that correctly. You can now own a vibrator that will sync with your iTunes playlist.
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The mind boggles.
I have no problem syncing my cell phone and the car stereo to my favorite songs, but adult toys? No. I don’t need a dildo to reverberate Florence and the Machine or Led Zeppelin. Although Stairway to Heaven might be an appropriate tune, all things considered.
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Truer words were never spoken. I most certainly did not…
If you’ve ever been owned by a cat… and trust me, that’s the correct word placement… you’ll know they are self cleaning and do not require nor tolerate being bathed. Which is why I have to share the utterly ridiculous thing I saw on Amazon yesterday.
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I fear for the tender flesh of the unsuspecting rubes who purchase this kit. Because if you’ve ever wondered how many layers of clothing a feline can tear through? Wrapping your cat in that abomination and spraying him with water will deliver the answer in two seconds flat.
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An adventure? Sure. You can call it that….. as you try in vain to staunch the bleeding.
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Said no cat ever.
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Obediently? Proof positive these people have never met… no less lived with a cat.
The only thing this product listing had right was a question…
Remember the misfortune fortune cookies I was going to buy for the man cave bar?
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I posted about them a while back but never went through with the purchase. Which, after tracking them down on Amazon and reading the reviews, turns out was very fortunate indeed.
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Wow. Good thing I wasn’t handing these out to friends. Going home with a doggy bag is one thing, but weirdly green poo? No one wants that.
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Although it seems not everyone shares my adverse opinion of oddly hued feces.
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Yikes. When they said it turns your tongue black, they weren’t kidding.
It’s time to dive into all those slightly disturbing repressed memories and remember….
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I know most people will pick a horror film like the Exorcist…. and granted, Linda Blair’s spinning head and projectile vomit was enough to keep anyone up at night… but for me there’s only one answer.
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Yes, the heartwarming true story of Elsa the adopted lioness cub that became a beloved pet but had to be released back into the wild when grown damn near wrecked me.
I’m an animal lover to the N’th degree. I rescue the ones I can and weep for the ones I can’t. I come by it naturally as my mother and father were also animal crazy. We always had a houseful of stray pets and wounded birds when I was a child. My father was Scottish, but raised in England. Stiff upper lip et al. He wasn’t a man to give in to his emotions in public, but I saw him weep like a baby at the vet when his beloved dog died. What can I say? We’re animal people.
I can’t watch the commercials about abused pets, I have nightmares and wake up screaming. As a kid I refused to watch Sounder, the Yearling and most of the Lassie tv series. I was a tender hearted young soul.
But when Born Free finally came to television my mother decided it was a good family film and we would all watch it. What the hell was she thinking! I saw elephants and antelopes shot. I saw a woman being eaten by a man eating lion. My mother’s innocent family film turned out to be pretty bloody.
I, like everyone else, fell in love with Elsa the adorable frolicking cub. I loved her even more as she grew to become a proud lioness… and wanted her to live happily with the Adamsons forever. And ever, amen.
Seeing George and Joy forced to set her free had me weeping, openly gasping for breath. I couldn’t shake the sadness. Not that night, or the next. I kid you not… I was one depressed little girl for weeks on end after watching that damn film. And the song? Wow. To this day I can’t hear it without choking up.
So there you have it. Jaws didn’t scare me. Texas Chain Saw Massacre had me chuckling. The Omen? Come on…
But Born Free? That was pure unadulterated trauma.
So how about you? What childhood movie permanently scarred your psyche…
Yes boys and girls, it’s that time again. Time to pucker up ( so to speak ) and smile for the camera.
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The husband has a butt cam appointment in his immediate future and we just received the 12 page instruction booklet from the hospital. Remember back in the day you just picked up some awful powder from the pharmacist, mixed it with liquid and spent the entire day on the throne praying for death? Well, things have gotten a bit more complicated now.
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The list of things you can’t eat a week before the prep is enormous, as is the amount of fluid they want you to push.
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And because my husband has the annoying habit of always making appointments first thing in the morning, he will have to rise at 3:30am to drink the final 32 ounces of laxative.
I’m not normally one to fret over my post stats but lately I’ve noticed an awful echo in blogland. My views have dropped by half in the past few months and I’m wondering if my readers have moved on to parts unknown… or are simply sick of my drivel and cut me out like a malignant tumor.
What say you?
Am I too much of a good thing, or is it getting lonely here at WordPress…
Another issue of this ridiculous magazine arrived in the mail and as usual I found myself counting the days until the gift subscription runs out.
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Yes, that’s an ass shaped chair. Need I say more?
Because I value sharing quality journalism with my readers, I did the obligatory flip through. I quickly hit the half way point and was surprised I hadn’t seen anything too horrible. Just the normal hair and makeup tips, crazy fashion trends and an answer to the ‘what should I do with all those spare keys’ question.
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Ouch!
And just when I thought this month’s Cosmo wouldn’t go there, it did.
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I beg to differ, but to each their own.
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Yeah. That’s not happening at Casa River anytime soon… but if you’re interested, here are some helpful hints.
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I wish I could say this was the worst thing I saw in the April edition….
She most definitely is and judging by what’s scattered all over our lawn …
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And stuck in our shrubbery…
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She’s been busy.
It only took me a minute to find her latest project. I simply looked up….
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And there was the proof. Waving at me like a flag in the breeze.
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That little red bitch has chewed her way into our house… again! To be honest, I don’t even know what that vent is for, but I’m guessing it’s going to be filled with little red bitch offspring in no time flat.
I believe I literally laughed out loud when I thought about using this first product after a Maine snow storm.
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Please. This was clearly invented by someone who’s never crossed the Mason Dixon line.
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Good grief. I read an article a while back that said men found women who wear ball caps with their pony tail hanging out the back were sexy…but is this a thing now?
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Is it a wheelbarrow? A dolly? Or someone’s kitchen sink…
Social media is full of “remember when” posts and I normally scroll right by without paying attention. But then I saw this… and thought, damn!
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They’re right.
It is, and we did.
🤣
The next photo was taken at my local grocery store and should be titled You Know You’re In Maine When….
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And last but certainly not least… Disney can bite me. To say I haven’t gotten over my anger at George Lucas for selling Star Wars to the Mouse is a gross understatement. I felt betrayed. Bewildered. And completely bereft. No more anxiously waiting the next movie to drop, no more costumed premieres. Now there’s series after series I won’t see because I don’t want to stream Disney Plus.
Baby Yoda? Never met him.
The Mandolorian? Have no idea how he even fits into the story.
But now? The final insult.
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I will miss Vader’s backstory.
Screw you George Lucas!
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Where there's only one step from the sublime to the ridiculous.
River's world..... 