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I saw the perfect wineglass for the man cave bar on a friend’s Facebook page the other day.
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So if anyone knows what store this is, please let me know.
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Ugh.
How about you run over them with your studded snow tires instead.
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Dinosaurs make everything better.
Follow me for more helpful holiday hints and lifestyle advice.
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While I usually cringe at the Facebook algorithms that pollute my feed with ball wash and stink free underwear, I have to admit this latest ad made me laugh.
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Because, come on. We all know an assless man.
And before I could even click on this so called miracle accessory, I was chuckling.
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The first step in healing is admitting you have a problem.
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Lord knows I love a product that doesn’t take itself seriously.
Check out this quick commercial.
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Need another chuckle?
The same company makes a wedding ring as well.
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I’m the first to admit Lord Dudley Mountcatten is a trifle odd. But the other day? He really made me wonder.
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Because this is what he did for a good 35-40 minutes.
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He sat… and stared at a corner of the kitchen.
There was nothing there. No spider, no fly, no mouse, no toy, no bag of catnip.
I hadn’t spilled tuna fish juice or dropped a crumb of bacon.
Nothing. Nada. Niente.
And yet, he stared.
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Then looked up at me as if to say, “ I don’t know what I’m doing either. But I can’t seem to stop.”
Cats.
They really should come with an instruction manual.
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It shouldn’t surprise you to learn that it took me longer to blog about this book than it did to read it.
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To be honest, I blew through it in a day…. but I figured not everyone would enjoy that high a level of corpse saturation, so I’ve spread the snippets out over time.
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Placenta cocktail?
I can honestly say even I will never be that desperate for a drink.
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Though I could totally rock that hat..
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Powdered human penis?
The key words here are “taken with alcohol”. Geesh, I would hope so.
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And to think the only thing my husband took home all these years was post it notes.
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Admit it, over the years you’ve received some truly awful holiday gifts. No matter how well intended, that 1,001 Uses For Fruitcake recipe book sucked.
So this season instead of making a list of the things you want?
Make a list of the things you don’t.
I’ll start…
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I don’t want a set of cat butt coasters with strategically placed pink dots. Nope.
Not now, not ever.
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Santa’s Sweaty Sack?
Santa is everywhere this time of year, but perhaps we should try to reduce the trauma to our children and leave his odiferous sack out of the equation.
But topping the list of things I don’t want for Christmas?
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Urinal shot glasses.
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That gift is a sure way to get yourself barred from the man cave.
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Yes, it’s true.
The Maine state government has finally gotten around to taxing your dog’s balls.
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Beware “fully equipped” friends.
You could be next.
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I had to do a double take on this one. Although holiday poop gift ideas wouldn’t be an odd addition to my news feed at this point… that’s actually actually a shrimp poop removing tool.
And who doesn’t want to find one of those in their stocking Christmas morning?
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2020 is my husband.
While I carry a washable cloth mask in my purse, he uses those blue paper things and I find them hanging everywhere. Rear view mirror, stick shift, hat rack, door knobs etc.
Sanitary it’s not.
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As you may know, I enjoy a cocktail now and then.
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So it should come as no surprise that I enjoy the occasional cocktail tweak as well
Here are two I’ve just discovered but have yet to try…
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Thyme and orange G&T’s sound fabulous.
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A drop of blackberry jam in my Cosmo?
Why not!
( Though I can guarantee you my quantity levels will be considerably higher. 0.75 Oz of Cointreau? Bitch, please! )
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Lord Dudley Mountcatten does not require cat food tweaking and is perfectly happy with his Fancy Feast. This does not mean he isn’t spoiled rotten in every other way…
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Yes, he’s commandeered my heating pad, and yes… if we don’t turn it on when he pounces on it we get the look.
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While I do love an interesting cube in my cocktail…
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I’m not sure I want one that bites back.
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Spotlights at your fingertips. How cool is that!
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While I realize this a type of filter for purifying water…. on first glance my thoughts went to holiday punch bowls.
Those tiny cups are ridiculously small.
😉
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Do you have that certain someone on your Christmas list? The person you feel obligated to buy a gift for even though deep down, you’d rather not?
I may have the solution…
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What’s that you say…
It’s not awful enough?
Then how about these –
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They’ll go perfectly with that sweater you bought them last year.
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When it comes to my crazy algorithms, the hits just keep on coming.
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Yes, there really is a company called Turdcules. (Imagine how good past employment there would look on your resume.)
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I’ve heard of Secret Santa, but what the hell is Dirty Santa?
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From the sound of the ad copy, I’m guessing this product is popular down south.
Ugh.
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River's world..... 