Category Archives: Uncategorized

We don’t need no stinkin’ downspout!

 

Or so my husband said when we were redoing the deck railings.

He took the old one down and elected not to put it back up.

Why?

Oh, he mumbled something about tearing down all the old gutters and replacing them, but honestly I think he just didn’t want to mess with it. Which was fine, until rain was in the forecast and I told him it might be a good idea to put it back up.

Life would be so much easier if he listened to me…. but no.

So, it rained.

 

 

Not a lot, but enough so we had a torrent of water flooding the garden bed and sloshing mulch and dirt everywhere.

I didn’t say a word… though I might have smirked.

I mean really. How could I not?

 

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So out he went, poor guy.

 

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And naturally the downspout didn’t pop back on as easily as it came off.

Numerous adjustments were made.

 

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With a hammer and some colorful language.

By the time he was done, he was soaked and the spout was screwed. Literally and figuratively…. because he broke a piece and had to Jerry rig it.

Now wouldn’t this have been easier…. not to mention drier…. if he had just listened to me in the first place?

Men.

You never learn.

Because it made me laugh.

 

So for the past few weeks the half dead mallows that the woodchucks munched to nubs have been soaking up Miracle Grow and sun on my deck table.

They’re coming along, but it’s slow going.

Completely out of reach of little mouths and teeth, they might have a chance.

So when I looked out the window the other day and saw momma woodchuck sniffing around the deck….

 

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Eyeing the plants and poised for action….

 

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I had to laugh.

 

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Stretch all you want.

 

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You and your buck teeth can’t reach them!

Neener, neener.

Spam… glorious spam!

 

We all get it, but lately?

Mine has taken a turn for the worse.

 

after-years-i-finally-received-spam-at-my-professional-email-122648

 

Like this one:

2 days ago

Spam

Bird brains.

This post makes me remember a bad joke: Save your breath… you’ll need it to blow up your date.. we are making a flick about this. book for free here! -> https://surprise-me-playlists.herokuapp.com/

 

A movie about blow up dates?

Makes me glad all the theaters are closed.

 

a day ago

Spam

Gender reassignment.

This post makes me remember a bad joke: What do you give the blonde that has everything? penicillin.. we are making a tv series about this. book for free here! -> https://surprise-me-playlists.herokuapp.com/

 

Ditto the tv series about the slutty blonde.

Aren’t there enough of those already?

 

13 hours ago·

essayhelplab.com

Spam

Important update..

I am final, I am sorry, there is an offer to go the other way.

 

No apologies necessary.

Take the offer.

 

Haroldsealf

a day ago

Spam

Behold the majesty.

Adult sex dating: http://fhzuk.andenfilm.xyz/e63
Adult african american dating online: http://eyerdwg.deluxxeuniverse.com/2e31e4
Sex dating site, sex on a first date, sex immediately: http://paz.thegreasealliance.com/70cca484

Honestly, where does this stuff come from? And why does a post about the baby barn attract it?  A dark web group that gets off on crooked walls and uneven doors sounds extremely pathetic.

 

Zuluandzephyr

2 days ago

Spam

Pandemic humor.

Statutory rape is the unlawful sexual penetration of a victim by the defendant or the defendant by the victim when:
The X Story Player offers one of the most realistic, fully immersive adult virtual sex games on the market.
So, you’re not into casual sex? Fine, I’ll put on a tux and we can call it formal sex.

Yes, I can see how a tuxedo would make all the difference.

 

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Jacketqco

a day ago·

chinesewomenformarriage.tumblr.com

 Spam

Say it isn’t so Apple….

How a long way a Gemini chick attained a Gemini females, do you have?

Need to know the thin on why is your partner’s beat?

Wanting my tongue in oral cavity horoscope.

 

I don’t even know how to respond to this one.

But now I’m wondering if there’s a scope named after whores.

Squirrel invasion.

 

They’re back.

 

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And they’re everywhere.

 

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Momma red squirrel and her babies.

 

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They’ve grown and are venturing out.

 

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The new wider deck railing is a favorite spot for eating snacks. And while it’s cute, there’s a problem.

 

 

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Or should I say multiple little problems. Squirrel poo is now dotting the landscape where we enjoy adult beverages.

 

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And this is a new favorite perch.

 

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I did laugh the other day when one of them climbed on the bracket and saw what he thought was a tasty glob of food.

 

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Only to taste it and discover it was Vaseline to keep the ants off the hummingbird feeder.

 

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Take that you tiny poop factory!

 

Kitchen aerobics.

 

I’m beginning to get used to having the husband work from home.

Yes, it’s a little annoying trying to tiptoe around the house and be quiet all day long…. but there are distinct advantages.

Advantage #1?

It’s harder for him to avoid the honey do list that’s been growing exponentially since we moved in 18 years ago.

No more long commutes from the office, no more grumpy, tired of fighting I-95 traffic on the way home husband.

When he clocks out? I can grab him.

This week it was for blind installation in the kitchen.

 

 

Which in the tight space over the sink wasn’t as easy as it sounds.

 

 

He got quite a workout.

 

 

Take that Jane Fonda.

 

 

As the hours wore on ( what… you thought it would be minutes? ) the brackets wouldn’t mount properly, and when they did, the blinds wouldn’t click into place.

 

 

Serious thought went into why they crashed to the ground every time you pulled them down.

 

 

Non OSHA approved climbing apparatus was used.

 

 

And curtain rod mounts had to be removed, reinstalled, removed, repositioned, removed again and yes, cursed. Repeatedly.

Want to frustrate your husband? Forget withholding sex…. make him hang curtains.

But finally it was done.

 

 

They moved up and down and stayed there.

 

 

If you’ve never tried this kind of blind, I highly recommend them. They’re attractive and block the hot sun while allowing filtered light to shine through.

 

 

And if you need some installed? Let me know.

I’m sure the husband is anxious to do a few more.

It’s almost unbearable.

 

My little town’s FB page has been lighting up with some interesting sightings lately.

One woman kept posting but no one believed her.

Well….

 

 

I’d say that’s pretty definitive proof.

To be honest I’m surprised we’ve never had this issue. We’ve seen evidence of Yogi in our backyard and woods. (and even on the deck one winter. Yikes!)  But he’s never raided our feeders, for which I’m grateful.

They’re lovely creatures, but quite destructive.

The sightings continue…. which prompted this latest post.

 

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I’m down with that.

Hi Waldo!

Deer me.

 

Okay, if you insist.

 

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I caught a couple of nice shots of our old doe in the field.

 

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I don’t know how many seasons she’s seen, and the poor thing didn’t even blow her winter coat this year.

 

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But she comes for dinner every night.

 

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And brings her kids.

 

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Whose little Frankenstein nubs always make me chuckle.

 

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Everyone gets along well.

 

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Except this one.

 

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Who sticks his tongue out at woodchucks.

 

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I guess everyone has a rude child once in a while.

 

 

 

Why do they never listen?

 

Yes men, I’m talking about you.

Remember the tree planting miracle I posted about a while ago? When the husband dug up and transplanted 3 maple trees to the far corners of our backyard?

 

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Yes, the ones I had to water everyday because we were entering drought conditions.

Well, that stopped when I broke my toe and I told the other half he’d have to take over the job if he wanted his trees to survive.

Water every day I told him.

Which is what I did, religiously, with his little patch of grass seed next to the baby barn.

Under my watchful eye the seed sprouted…

 

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And is now green…

 

 

Thick and lush.

The trees?

That the husband didn’t bother to water because of course I don’t know what I’m talking about…..

 

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Not so much.

 

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After brown?

 

 

Came bare twig.

 

 

If only he’d listened to his wife…

 

 

 

Pandemic humor.

 

Because it’s not over yet and laughter is still the only medicine.

 

 

Okay ladies, who’s with me?

 

 

I hope this was helpful.

Personally, I’ve never been peed on…. but you can never be too careful.

 

 

Fess up.

Which one of you morons did this and cursed us all?

 

 

Corona like a Viking!

Sword optional.

 

 

So take one for the team.

If I have to wear a bra in public, it’s the least you can do.