Category Archives: Uncategorized

Good grief, what next?

June 3, 2019 Rivergirl 44 Comments

I know this has been a “thing” for a while…

But I’m just getting around to mocking it.

Apologies for the tardiness, but there’s just too much crazy out there for a girl to keep up.

A.S.M.R.

Autonomous sensory meridian response.

Definition:

The feeling of well-being combined with a tingling sensation in the scalp and down the back of the neck, as experienced by some people in response to a specific gentle stimulus, often a particular sound.

ASMR is triggered by things like whispering voices, paper tearing, and scalp massage.

Oh, yes.

This is for real.

And lots of people swear by it.

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It’s used for relaxation as well as a sleep aid, and is meant to give the viewer a relaxing tingle at the back of their head.

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Upon researching, I discovered there’s pretty much an A.S.M.R. video of everything.

Hair brushing, eating coconut, fingernail tapping, slime swirling, face plucking, ear cleaning…..

Because come on.

Nothing soothes you to sleep like listening to a good ear cleaning.

And then there’s my personal favorite, dog reviewing fruit.

A.S.M.R.

Because just when I think I’ve seen everything….

Thousands of people step up to prove me wrong.

Apparently, he likes me.

June 2, 2019 Rivergirl 39 Comments

Sometimes WordPress makes me laugh because I follow a lot of funny people.

Sometimes it makes me laugh because a lot of funny people follow me.

And sometimes it makes me laugh for totally unexpected reasons.

Like the other day when I clicked my notifications and saw this:

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Clearly I must make TANBHIR laugh because he liked the hell out of every comment I made on one of my old posts.

Every single comment.

That’s a lot of laughing.

Not enough for him to actually comment back or add anything to the thread, but clearly TANBHIR likes the like button.

Unfortunately since TANBHIR (Who must be a serious fellow since his name is all CAPS) only wants to help me make money online so I did not return the favor and like him back. I also removed him from my followers list.

Sorry TANBHIR, but I’m not here to make money.

Better luck next time.

Boys and their (too damned big) toys.

June 1, 2019 Rivergirl 60 Comments

The husband had been sputtering about one for a year, so I knew ….

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Naturally he had to have the biggest one they sold…

And we had to rent a damned trailer to get the silly thing home.

Sigh.

Did we need a lawn mower with a cut radius almost as wide as I am tall?

No.

But we’ve got one now.

And contrary to popular belief…. bigger is not better when trying to fit said mower in your shed.

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I told him it wouldn’t fit before he bought it.

I told him it wouldn’t fit after he bought it.

You know where this is going, right?

It wouldn’t fit.

Yeah. Who saw that coming?

So now…

His precious car is going to live outside so the even more precious new toy can have half of the garage to itself.

Men and their toys.

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Driving women crazy since time immemorial….

They’re a wee bit confused.

May 31, 2019 Rivergirl 39 Comments

I put birdseed out for the birds….

Which the deer eat.

I put apples out for the deer….

Which the woodchucks eat.

Granted, they’re cute as all get out when they do…

But do they have to eat the deer grain as well?

Sometimes they climb right in the bowl and polish it off.

Which leads the deer to eat…

It’s a vicious circle.

And proves that our backyard creatures are a little confused.

Like this Baltimore Oriole….

Who tries to drink from the hummingbird feeder.

Yes, you.

The owner of this house spends a small fortune keeping you in fresh oranges and grape jelly…. don’t get greedy.

Of course….

This guy?

Eats whatever…

And whoever he wants.

It’s pretty damned close….

May 30, 2019 Rivergirl 24 Comments

Okay ladies, (Or men. I won’t discriminate) have you ever been to Ulta beauty?

I hadn’t until the other day and my only question is…. why the Hell did I wait so long?

I was like a kid in a candy store, happily skipping up and down the product laden aisles. It was lovely… and I came home with bags full of wondrous scents, ~~war paint~~ make up, lotions, soaps and ~~spackle~~ face creams.

A little known fact, but true nonetheless.

The guys will never understand, but a woman’s search for the perfect mascara can be life long.

We need it…. like air.

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Am I right?

Of course I am.

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Never underestimate the power of cosmetics.

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So imagine my excitement when I found this –

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Yes, you read it correctly.

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Mascara that claims to be better than sex.

You know I had to try it.

The applicator is hourglass shaped…

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For obscure Marilyn Monroe reasons.

And while my husband will be glad that I can honestly report it’s not better than sex.

Believe me when I say…

It’s pretty damned close!!

Throwing some questions out into the universe.

May 29, 2019 Rivergirl 31 Comments

Why is it that….

Every time you’re in a rush to get out the door?

Great Aunt Trudy will call and want to regale you with detailed stories of her piles.

If I didn’t want to hear about them the last 3 times we spoke? Chances are I really don’t want to hear about them when I’m 10 minutes late for an appointment.

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Why is it that…

Every time I cut my hand in the kitchen?

I’m in danger of bleeding out because I can’t get the damned Bandaid package open with one hand.

Seriously, WTH?

Why is it that…

Even though I’m a font of useless knowledge, I let my friends down last week when I couldn’t come up with the winning answer in a trivia game tie breaker at my local bar?

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But, come on.

Did you know that the original name for the Google search engine was…

BackRub?

No… I didn’t think so.

Why is it that…

Every time I take the time to wash and wax my car?

It either rains, or a flock of pigeons who’ve just eaten at Chipolte follow me home.

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Why is it that….

Every time I think I have absolutely nothing to blog about?

I always manage to come up with something ridiculous.

You’re welcome.

Too busy to enjoy.

May 28, 2019 Rivergirl 17 Comments

Memorial Day.

A time to remember and honor those who made the ultimate sacrifice.

The weekend dawned clear and bright, and while others were out on the lake or enjoying cookouts with friends…

We at Casa River were hard at work.

A winter that didn’t want to let go and one of the wettest springs I can remember left us with an utter nightmare of a landscape. Parts of the lawn have been a swamp for a month and impossible to mow, so this had to happen.

That’s the husband.

Weed wacking the lawn.

You know how they always say the grass is greener over the septic tank?

Believe it.

He was calf deep in a veritable field of thick heavy grass.

After the weed wacking came the mowing, and after the mowing…

The raking of the mini hay field.

People think we exaggerate when we say it takes the both of us, working all day, to do the weekly lawn maintenance.

We don’t. And it does.

But the weather cooperated for 3 days with warm sun and cool breezes and we got a lot done.

I dragged the deck furniture out of the barn and finished the garden bed I had to redo….

Then hauled in another 30 bags of mulch for some others.

I weeded, and mulched and reset border stones for 10 beds.

All prepped and ready for flowers.

I spent the next day mowing and trimming and cutting back dead shrubs.

And the day after that?

I literally couldn’t move.

Everything that could hurt, did.

Neck, shoulders, arms, thighs, knees and feet.

Nothing like a long winter of inactivity to show you who’s boss.

I love our yard, but damn.

Sometimes it really kicks my ass.

A different kind of throne…

May 27, 2019 Rivergirl 41 Comments

I just learned that Linda Ronstadt recorded a song on the toilet…. and it makes me feel like I’m not making the most of my time there.

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It’s true.

Apparently the vocals to the song Long, Long Time were recorded in a studio bathroom.

Talk about multi tasking….

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I clearly need to up my game.

Have you ever gotten so sidetracked you forgot where you started?

May 26, 2019 Rivergirl 46 Comments

I was at Wal Mart the other day and decided to cruise down the clearance aisle. I don’t often shop there, but clearance racks are like thrift stores. You never know what you’ll find.

I found this:

I chuckled. I photographed it. I came home, started to write a blog and thought….. come on.

How often does corn need to wear a coat?

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Fair enough… if not slightly disturbing.

Proof positive there’s a Google Image for everything.

And then I saw –

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Which is definitely disturbing.

Corn porn?

WTH!

And of course that got me thinking of that damned corn on the cob dildo I found on Amazon a while back, which lead me to –

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Make of that what you will.

Google Images has a mind of it’s own.

But thinking about disturbing corn also made my mind go here –

Oh, yeah.

Stephen King’s Children of the Corn.

A camp classic.

But not the only strange corn…

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And that made me remember Corn Stonehenge.

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Yes, it really exists.

Dublin, Ohio

Maybe it’s supposed to be ironic, this former corn field, sprouting 109 people-sized ears of concrete corn in a large oddball art display. But it’s also a salute to Sam Frantz, an inventor of hybrid corns, and a very weird sight along the highway.

Frantz farmed this site from 1935 to 1963, using it as as a study field for tasty mutant strains. Frantz was “well known for his development of hybrid corn seeds,” and worked with Ohio State University on hybridization projects. He donated this land, now named Sam and Eulalia Frantz Park, after its farming days were over.

Field of Corn.

The artist brought in by the Dublin Arts Council to create the environment of corn, Malcolm Cochran, completed the field in 1994.

Intended by the Arts Council to remind residents of the area’s long-gone agricultural heritage, the Field of Corn instantly became a joke — giant inedible food — paid for with tax dollars, and surrounded by a sprawl of corporate offices, bland businesses and suburban neighborhoods.

And now, I totally want to go and take a corn selfie.

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(Admit it… you do too.)

But if that isn’t enough corn cuteness for you?

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Here’s a capybara.

In a pool.

Eating corn.

Just because I can.

From Wal Mart’s clearance aisle to giant rodents eating corn.

That’s the very definition of sidetracked.

Meet Great Grandpa….

May 25, 2019 Rivergirl 32 Comments

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Okay, technically he’s my 8th great grandfather.

Though I can’t say I see the resemblance.

I’ve been shaking the family tree again and found Sir Adrian Scrope…. born in 1601, matriculated at Harts Hall, Oxford. A military man, he obtained the rank of colonel before it all went bad.

Very, very bad.

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Scrope was one of the regicides who surrendered at the Restoration of Charles II. The House of Commons voted to pardon him under the Act of Indemnity, but the House of Lords demanded that all the regicides should be brought to trial. Scrope was condemned to death when Major-General Richard Browne testified that Scrope had justified Charles I’s execution to him even after Charles II’s return. He was hanged, drawn and quartered at Charing Cross on 17 October 1660.

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An account of his behaviour in prison and at the gallows describes him as “a comely ancient gentleman”, and dwells on his cheerfulness and courage.

Cheerful at the gallows?

Well, good for him.

I can’t say his 8th great granddaughter would have been quite so chipper.

Where there's only one step from the sublime to the ridiculous.