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You’re never too old to learn…. Mindfulness.

April 16, 2019 Rivergirl 39 Comments

I was cleaning out my desk the other day and found an old brochure for Adult Education.

Then I remembered I’d started a series on some of the more interesting classes when I first started blogging here…

You’re never too old to learn…. Chakra Toning.

You’re never too old to learn…. Spoons.

You’re never too old to learn…. Ukulele

Yes, you can learn some weird things in Maine.

So let’s continue….

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Good.

I’m glad someone is.

Today’s class?

Mindfulness.

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O-kay.

The definition?

1. the quality or state of being conscious

So let me get this straight…

For $95, and over the course of 6 weeks, they’re going to teach me to be conscious?

To be honest, that’s not usually something I have a problem with…. unless I’ve had too much to drink.

And as I read the class description I kept picturing this:

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But for the hell of it, I tried practicing being in the moment…

And it didn’t seem too difficult.

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And I figured…

I got this.

Who needs a class?

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Yeah.

It didn’t work.

But that’s okay, I’d much rather buy $95 worth of Girl Scout Cookies anyway…..

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Because Babs and I need to chat….

April 15, 2019 Rivergirl 23 Comments

I’m going to take a (semi) serious moment here.

Dear Barbra Streisand,

I’m not a fan.

I’ve never been a fan.

And while I admit to liking The Way We Were back in the day, that had more to do with a young, delicious Robert Redford than you.

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Okay, I get it.

You can sing.

But your poor me, I’m an ugly Jewish girl persona wears thin. You’re a multi millionaire, surrounded by luxury, awards and adored by half the world….

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So your nose is big.

Boo frickin’ hoo.

Get over it!

My butt is big and I don’t have millions of dollars, but you don’t hear me whining.

(Well, maybe a little.)

That being said, I suppose it shouldn’t surprise me that your recent comments about Micheal Jackson’s accusers left me liking you even less.

Could you have been any more callous?

I don’t think so.

In an interview with The Times of London published on Friday, Ms. Streisand also showed sympathy for Mr. Jackson, saying, “His sexual needs were his sexual needs, coming from whatever childhood he has or whatever DNA he has.”

“You can say ‘molested,’ but those children, they were thrilled to be there,” she continued. “They both married and they both have children, so it didn’t kill them.”

No, it didn’t kill them.

But wow.

You said Micheal Jackson had pedophile DNA.

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If you watched “Leaving Neverland” and gave a statement like that?

You are one cold hearted bitch and have lost the single grain of respect I previously had for you.

Sincerely,

River….

A thoroughly disgusted non fan.

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Well, it must be nice.

April 14, 2019 Rivergirl 18 Comments

Tax time is upon us, and like every other year…. we pay.

And pay.

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It’s bad enough the government swallows half our paycheck during the year..

But every April?

They want more. **

So I wait until April 14th to file.

I’m petty that way.

Tax laws have changed this year, and no… I’m not going to get political.

But the instructions on the payment voucher did make me laugh.

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No checks of $100 million or more accepted?

Damn.

Now I’m going to have to get cash.

As if.

At first I thought, well… it must be nice to be able to write a check like that.

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Yeah.

If you can write a check like that?

Chances are you won’t have to.

And that pretty much sums up our tax collection system.

** If you don’t know who Laura Moon is?

Watch Neil Gaiman’s American Gods on Starz.

It’s mind bending, trippy and totally rocks!

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Sunday is coming….

April 13, 2019 Rivergirl 51 Comments

And devoted Game of Thrones fans like me have been waiting years for this day.

Years!

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It’s the beginning of the end….. and unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve probably heard a little something about it.

To be honest, I wasn’t on board with GOT at first. Fantasy is not my genre and I didn’t see the appeal. But then I stumbled on a copy of the first book at a doctor’s office and was hooked. I flew through them all… which is saying something. (Have you seen them? The Easter Island moai weigh less.)

And having read the books, I had to binge watch seasons 1-3.

Yes, I had to.

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Holy crap!

Thrones never disappoints.

Did I mention there are dragons?

Well, there are.

And they rock.

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And cook… apparently.

I won’t drone on about about the fantastic global locations, the intricate plot lines or the multi dimensional characters. I won’t wax poetic about the wow factor or the oh no they didn’t! jaw dropping twists and turns.

Suffice it to say there’s never been a television show quite like Game of Thrones, and there probably never will be again.

So tomorrow? Don’t disturb me.

I’ll be wearing my shirt….

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And happily immersing myself in the realm.

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For the night is dark and full of terrors.

And if you don’t know what that means?

I may have to rethink our entire relationship….

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See?

You probably don’t get this joke either….

And that’s just sad.

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UFC – turkey division

April 12, 2019 Rivergirl 21 Comments

Have you ever seen a turkey smackdown?

I hadn’t, and to be honest….

I’m not anxious to see it again.

When there’s snow on the ground, we get wild turkey visitors. They come in for the bird seed that falls under the feeders and while the husband will shoo them off due to the copious amounts of poo they leave behind….

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I usually enjoy their comical turkey antics.

Until yesterday.

When it turned into a brawl.

It went on for what seemed like forever.

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Two combatants, who I assume were males fighting for spring mating rites…

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Went at it hard and heavy.

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They bounced, and flew, and scrambled, and chased each other all over the back yard…

Until this happened.

Not sure if you can tell by the picture…

By one bird literally had his beak down the throat of the other.

They seemed to be stuck… and were thrashing like crazy.

It was horrible to watch.

While I usually don’t interfere in nature, after what seemed like an eternity I finally went outside and made some noise.

It startled them and thankfully they broke apart.

I’m sorry, but no amount of sex is worth that!

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I believe it.

Damn!

Those little buggers are mean.

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Pink sky at night….

April 11, 2019 Rivergirl 26 Comments

Sailor’s delight.

Pink sky in morning….

Sailors take warning.

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Our backyard sky Sunday morning.

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Uh oh.

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Our weather has been wacky lately.

Bright sun and 55 degrees one day….

Cold, snow and bitter wind the next.

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Oh well..

We’ll get there eventually.

But not today….

Me, shoveling Tuesday morning…..

And not really enjoying April.

Come on spring!

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Nothing blooming here but snowflakes…

But that doesn’t mean I can’t import a little now and then.

As for the upcoming holiday?

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Even better than rocks…

April 10, 2019 Rivergirl 40 Comments

I’ve been known to give some interesting birthdays gifts in my time.

Some elicit laughter, some tears….

Some? Downright befuddlement.

It’s all good.

In the past few years, I’ve gifted my husband with experiences as well as tangible items.

2014 was a beer making lesson.

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Friends and family joined us for what I thought would be a laugh a minute celebration…

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Ah, look at those happy faces.

(Word of warning – if you’re thinking about trying it? There’s a lot more to beer than drinking. And I don’t recommend any of it.)

Beer drinking? Fun!

Beer making?

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Not so much.

It’s a long involved process…. that I completely stopped caring about two hours in.

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Poor husband.

Look at him… he had his tasting glass ready and it wasn’t anywhere near finished.

Birthday experience gift rating on a scale of 1 to 10?

Last year I nailed it with a School of Falconry class.

This was fabulous and we both enjoyed it immensely.

Husband got up close and personal with a Harris Hawk and a Peregrine Falcon.

And they were both beautiful creatures.

Learning to handle them can be challenging.

As well as a little intimidating.

Of course, they were nothing compared to the instructor.

She was downright terrifying.

(I think the husband had flashbacks to boot camp and reverted to a quivering PFC before my eyes.)

But baggie of dead quails aside?

An awesome day.

Birthday experience gift rating?

A definite 10!

So this year, along with the rock and other assorted presents…

I gave him a helicopter.

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Okay, calm down.

Those babies go for $425,000.

I gave him the experience of learning how to fly a helicopter.

Half an hour class instruction, half an hour flying time with 2 guests.

I’m not sure when we’ll do it, most likely after the weather warms up.

But I’m guessing it’s going to be a good one!

Assuming we don’t die in a flaming fireball of a crash…

That’s bound to reduce the rating.

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Sedgley Place

April 9, 2019 Rivergirl 30 Comments

Dinner with friends a while back was here.

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A renovated old Federal House built in 1786.

Getting a reservation is tough as they only do 3 seatings a night, but it’s well worth the wait.

Walking in, I’m always struck by the low ceilings and even lower lamp placement.

I know we were a shorter race of people back in 1786…

But were we that short?

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There was a raucous crowd of 95 downstairs, celebrating someone’s 50th birthday. I would dearly have loved to join them, ( some arrived in a hearse!) but our waitress escorted us up the stairs.

To a quiet dining room with dated wallpaper and curtains, where we were given the menu.

It changes weekly, and all meals are 5 course for $36.95.

You’re welcome.

And thank you for the fine Patron margaritas….

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Okay, this is getting out of hand.

The food was lovely.

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Home baked wheat bread with honey butter.

Scallop stuffed mushroom caps… which I ate too quickly to photograph.

Caesar salad.

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Bacon wrapped Filet mignon with sweet fig demi glace, medium rare and tender enough to slice with your spoon.

I was too full for dessert but since it was included, the husband had his white chocolate raspberry cheesecake there… and took mine to go.

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We waddled out some time later, only to be blocked in by the hearse.

Seriously… you have to love people who rent hearse transportation for their birthday parties.

I didn’t even know that was possible.

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But now I totally want to pick up the girls for a night out sometime soon!

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It’s that time again…

April 8, 2019 Rivergirl 29 Comments

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Let’s begin.

1. John Quincy Adams went skinny dipping in the Potomac on his 79th birthday.

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If this mental image has to be stuck in my head?

I want it to be stuck in yours as well.

2. After eating, the common housefly regurgitates it’s food and eats it again.

Because sometimes, pizza is just that good.

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3. Charlie Brown’s father is a barber.

Admit it, you never knew that.

You’re welcome.

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4. A barnacle has the largest penis of any other animal in relation to it’s size.

Oddly enough, this is a question that’s rarely asked in trivia games.

And Lord knows, I’ve been waiting to dazzle crowds with my barnacle member dimension knowledge for years.

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5. There’s a town in Texas called Ding Dong.

Truly, there is.

It’s north of Austin.

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And I have a question for Texas bloggers…

WTH?

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I’m all for being proud of your home town, but….

Damn.

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Birthday presents no one gets excited about.

April 7, 2019 Rivergirl 29 Comments

We recently celebrated my husband’s birthday.

And as I posted earlier, among other things….

I gave him a rock.

Because I’m that kind of wife.

We celebrated at a friend’s house, and naturally he was speechless.

Okay, at first he didn’t know what the hell it was.

But that’s not always a bad thing. And he could honestly say no one had ever given him a rock before… so that should count for something.

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But if you thought that was odd?

Witness the gift our friends gave him.

At first it was a box filled with the weirdest packing peanuts I’d ever seen.

Then it was a little box that said..

And then…

And…

Are you noticing the trend?

This went on forever.

And while I’m sure it was funnier with the 3 margaritas I’d had, even sober ….you have to applaud the effort.

Finally he reached the end.

And I thought, oh yeah.

This is going to be good.

I was wrong.

Very, very wrong.

Huh?

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Turns out it was a war nickel which had popped up while my husband was playing poker with the guys a while back. Husband is a coin collector, and had explained what it was to the group.

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So….

Yeah.

They gave him a nickel.

And I gave him a rock.

Do we know how to make a birthday boy happy or what?

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