They say there’s a little boy in every man….. and if that’s true?
Mine is playing cowboys and Indians.
Left to his own devices, my husband could easily watch the western channel 24 hours a day. I know…. because True Grit, Fort Apache and Rio Bravo have been the background soundtrack to my life for the past 36 years.
He likes westerns, ergo he likes John Wayne.
Not as a real person, he neither knows nor cares who that was….. but rather as an idealized portrait of what a real man is supposed to be. At least on screen.
So when we went to Lowes the other day and were standing on the check out line? You know he had to grab this:
“Manly meals”.
I’m sure you can hear my eyes rolling from there.
Who knew my husband wanted to be a cookout legend?
The man who has never read a recipe in his life, but had to buy this book. And may I just say?
I was not impressed.
That is the saddest excuse for steak I’ve ever seen. And with pesto made from cilantro as an accompaniment? The Duke and his horse should be run out of town with their heads hanging down in shame.
Now correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t Texas do everything up big?
If so, these are misnamed…. because those are the skimpiest, most pathetic tacos to ever grace a shell.
And I’m from Maine.
We fill our tacos with haddock and lobster… what do we know?
I’ll spare you the Gun Smokey Barbecue Chicken and the Ringo Kid’s Skirt Steak, but suffice it to say I doubt any of Wayne’s dishes will ever make it to our table.
And now, because this is my blog and you know I can’t help myself…. here’s one final picture of the quintessential manly man.
The hunt for a new refrigerator continues, and just as I had finished extensive research and narrowed the field down to this one…
The husband decided he wanted to go shopping and check them out for himself.
Granted, it’s a large purchase and I wanted him to like what I chose.
But ya know what?
I took him to the store and showed him my choice, which he walked right by and made a bee line for:
No.
And again? No.
Aside from the jaw dropping price tag? There’s no way I’m going to buy a refrigerator that tells me I’m out of cucumbers or what to cook for dinner.
Christ, do we really need “smart” appliances?
The day I’m too old and doddering to realize I’m out of cucumbers? I’ll stop cooking altogether.
In case you’re unfamiliar, there’s basically a computer on the door. You can make grocery lists, find recipes with the ingredients it knows are in there, and it will even link with your phone so you can check your expiration dates from remote locations.
Among other useful things….
Geesh.
All I want is cold food and ice.
Great. Scratch the ice.
So we shopped, and shopped, and shopped.
And the husband said that one’s shelves were too small, that one’s lights were too bright, that one’s drawers were too deep…. etc etc etc.
To which, after grueling 5 hours I said..
“Come on Goldilocks!”
So he picked one.
And though it’s almost exactly the same as the one I’d picked a week earlier?
This one is $700 more.
So, men?
I don’t want to hear you say your wives are spending all the money.
My husband can out shop the best of ’em.
Where there's only one step from the sublime to the ridiculous.
River's world..... 